WHY DID JULIUS SEIZE-HER?

I’M NOT SURE….. Maybe it’s because the Emperor had “Roman hands?”  (I knew a guy that had “Russian fingers.”)  In any case, “Julius Caesar” is one of my favorite plays by Bill Shakespeare, so to paraphrase…..  ‘LEND ME YOUR EARS!’  Wait a minute.  How can you ‘lend’ someone your ears?  That would be awfully messy and hurt like hell.  (Rather, dare I say, ‘ear-ritating?’)

Where was I?  Oh yes, I have some good news to share.  My marketing contract with BookPeople has been finalized.  Starting tomorrow, you can find all 3 of my mystery novels on their shelves, and also in their domestic and international book catalogues.  Furthermore, I shall be featured at two (2) speaking engagements in their Austin store sometime during the spring!  I might have mentioned this last Sunday, but it bears repeating.  (I once saw a bear repeating in Yellowstone Park.  Too many blackberries!)

Speaking of parks… I have volunteered to address a group of Boy Scouts next week.  We will be at Bastrop State Park, on Wednesday or Thursday, so if you’re in the vicinity, come on by and help us plant some trees!  (Bastrop was the site of the horrendous forest fire back in 2011.)  I might be bringing Baker, my grand-dog, with me.  The little pooch loves trees.  (He has some bark, too!)

Did you guys watch Downton Abbey last week?  The main characters are getting a little grouchy and short-tempered this season.  They may have to re-name the show “Downton Crabby.”   Since we’re on the subject of royalty, I would like to send my best to Judge Susan (the queen of our hearts!) and wish her a speedy recovery.  She had a torn mucus.  (Probably from blowing her nose too hard.)  Hang in there, your Honor!  This will soon blow over.  (Oops, I shouldn’t have used that word!)

Finally, in closing, I would like to remind all of you pet lovers (and who doesn’t love petting?) that almost 65% of American households own a pet, and that 44% of dogs sleep in bed with their owners.  (I was going to insert a joke about my wife, but then I remembered that she belongs to the NRA)  Honey, put the bullets away!  (The caliber of these jokes has got to improve!)

Well, my dear friends, have a safe and wonderful week.  Next Sunday, God willing, I will have a VERY special announcement that has absolutely nothing to do with my tax evasion case.  Until then, love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!

Did you know that this joyous celebration of Daddyhood began in the United States in the early part of the 20th century?  True enough.  The special day was the creation of  Sonora Smart Dodd, who was also a senora.  (A woman of the female persuasion.)  Miss Dodd was looking for a way to compliment Mother’s Day.  (Good idea to compliment both parents.  Think allowance.)  She came up with the idea while she was living in Spokane, Washington, in 1910.  Interestingly, her father was a Civil War veteran and a single parent who raised six children!  (Man, that guy deserves to be celebrated!)

Naturally, Congress resisted the temptation to do something smart and acknowledge fathers, so they defeated 3 or 4 efforts to create a national holiday.  A bill was introduced in Congress in 1913, but it lingered until 1966, when LBJ issued the first presidential proclamation honoring dads.  You heathen Democrats might be interested to know that the holiday was made permanent by a great Republican crook….   Richard Nixon!  President Nixon signed the bill into law in 1972, ushering in decades of bad ties and sweater vests.

So now, as the great Paul Harvey used to say, you know the rest of the story!

And speaking of stories…..  (wasn’t that a good segue?)   THE PRESLEY PLOT and MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE continue to break new publishing barriers and garner fame and fortune for the author.  I also have some VERY exciting news about book number three in the “Adam Gold Mystery Series,” but I’m afraid I must wait until next Sunday to make my grand announcement.  (One last contract to sign.)

The third book is titled, DEVIL’S COVE, and it takes place in the Hill Country of Texas.  I think my fans will love the story, which is based on some bone-chilling events that occurred in this part of the world recently.  The cover is finished, and once again, Rachel Zell, one of America’s most gifted artists, hit a home run.  I absolutely love the front cover, and this time the book will be published in soft cover AND hard cover editions!  I might add that these books will make a lovely gift for that special someone in your life, especially when I autograph them for you!

So what else is new?  Well, I see that the NSA has been snooping around my email and telephone accounts.  (Good luck with that!)  What can I say?  The President promised to have an “open administration,” and sure enough they’ve been opening my email, my telephone records, and my bank accounts!  I’m fed up with the I.R.S., too.  Why isn’t tequila considered a legitimate deduction?  Where’s their patriotic spirit?  (I know where the other spirits went!)  I don’t know, I may have to run for President again.  (I got 2 votes last time.)

In closing, I would like to wish everyone a Happy Father’s Day and remind you that mom’s are just as important.  When I was in Tupelo last month, I went to the Tupelo Hardware Store, which is where Elvis Presley purchased his first guitar in 1945!  The owner told me that Elvis and his mother (Gladys) came in to buy the lad a birthday gift.  Elvis wanted a rifle, but his mother convinced him to buy a guitar.  (She paid $7.75 plus 2% sales tax!)  At first, Elvis tried to hunt with the instrument, but it was difficult to smash rabbits and squirrels with a six-string guitar.  The poor animals kept getting sliced to bits.  (Just kidding here!)  Anyways, you get the point… it takes two to tango.  So God Bless all Dads and Moms!

Y’all keep those cards and letters coming…. and don’t forget that Elvis luvs ya, baby.  And so do I!  Have a great day!

Doc Yanoff