WHY DID JULIUS SEIZE-HER?

I’M NOT SURE….. Maybe it’s because the Emperor had “Roman hands?”  (I knew a guy that had “Russian fingers.”)  In any case, “Julius Caesar” is one of my favorite plays by Bill Shakespeare, so to paraphrase…..  ‘LEND ME YOUR EARS!’  Wait a minute.  How can you ‘lend’ someone your ears?  That would be awfully messy and hurt like hell.  (Rather, dare I say, ‘ear-ritating?’)

Where was I?  Oh yes, I have some good news to share.  My marketing contract with BookPeople has been finalized.  Starting tomorrow, you can find all 3 of my mystery novels on their shelves, and also in their domestic and international book catalogues.  Furthermore, I shall be featured at two (2) speaking engagements in their Austin store sometime during the spring!  I might have mentioned this last Sunday, but it bears repeating.  (I once saw a bear repeating in Yellowstone Park.  Too many blackberries!)

Speaking of parks… I have volunteered to address a group of Boy Scouts next week.  We will be at Bastrop State Park, on Wednesday or Thursday, so if you’re in the vicinity, come on by and help us plant some trees!  (Bastrop was the site of the horrendous forest fire back in 2011.)  I might be bringing Baker, my grand-dog, with me.  The little pooch loves trees.  (He has some bark, too!)

Did you guys watch Downton Abbey last week?  The main characters are getting a little grouchy and short-tempered this season.  They may have to re-name the show “Downton Crabby.”   Since we’re on the subject of royalty, I would like to send my best to Judge Susan (the queen of our hearts!) and wish her a speedy recovery.  She had a torn mucus.  (Probably from blowing her nose too hard.)  Hang in there, your Honor!  This will soon blow over.  (Oops, I shouldn’t have used that word!)

Finally, in closing, I would like to remind all of you pet lovers (and who doesn’t love petting?) that almost 65% of American households own a pet, and that 44% of dogs sleep in bed with their owners.  (I was going to insert a joke about my wife, but then I remembered that she belongs to the NRA)  Honey, put the bullets away!  (The caliber of these jokes has got to improve!)

Well, my dear friends, have a safe and wonderful week.  Next Sunday, God willing, I will have a VERY special announcement that has absolutely nothing to do with my tax evasion case.  Until then, love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

4 thoughts on “WHY DID JULIUS SEIZE-HER?

  1. Leigh Ann Woodward

    You are still as crazy and as funny as ever! We love you anyway!

  2. sorry to be so silent lately, but I have had a slight setback titled Heart Attack in December, I had one stent put in and am now is cardiac rehab and feeling much better. I appreciate your weekly infomercials. I am going to order your two book set this week. luv to you and all the family.. Donna Simon tks for putting my name in lights in Devils Cove. First time I have been in print preschool.

    • Donna…

      I am so sorry to hear about your heart attack. Thank God you’re well and on your way to a full recovery! I do hope that I provided some sort of amusement while you were recovering. (As opposed to making you feel sick with my bad jokes!) Please keep in touch and keep me informed of your progress. By best thoughts and prayers will be with you.

      Your semi-amusing friend,

      Steve Yanoff

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