Well, it’s official…  after a short incarceration, I mean, vacation, I have decided to return to the classroom!  Thus, I shall be teaching a CREATIVE WRITING course at the Dell Community Center this summer.  Here, my dear friends, are the impertinent details:  The classes will be held on July 21, August 4, and August 11.  Each class is 1 1/2 hours long.  (but they will seem longer!)  The starting time, subject to slight alteration, should be around 11:00 a.m.  (They wanted me to teach an early morning class, but that would have caused a slight altercation!)  If you’re interested, please contact Lisa Quay at the Dell Center.

Speaking of classy guys, my old high school chum, Glenn Fitzgerald, Vice President of Proluxe, sent me a congratulatory bottle of Nolet’s Silver Gin.  (We were celebrating the Gold Medal that “THE SECOND MOURNING” received from the Beverly Hills International Book Awards.)  The bottle is actually “engraved” with my name!  How the heck did he find a bottle with my name on it?!  I’m telling you, wonders never cease!  (Thanks, Glenn!)

Another great friend, Jaime Rubenstein, was one of the stars at last night’s Lakeway musical extravaganza.  Jaime stole the show (but was forced to return it later on)  with her brilliant and comical cruise song.  The lady can do it all, sing, dance, and act.  Her performance nearly brought down the house.  (No, the building was not poorly constructed!)  Some guy named Gary was ejected for stalking Jaime with a camera, but other than that, the show was a huge success.

Hey, before I forget, one of my best friends (and a distant relative) is having a big week, so I want to wish Dr. Max the best of luck!  We all hope you “bring home the bacon.”  If all goes well, Max & Co. will soon be living “high off the hog.”  (How many pig jokes is this guy gonna do?)  All right, just one more…  when you’re in N.Y.C., never pork in a handicapped space.  OK, now I can stop “hamming” it up!

By the way, do you know why I have so many friends?  (other than the modest cash payments that I make)  Well, it’s because of my personal belief that before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes.  (That way when you criticize them you’re a mile away and you have their shoes!)  Smart thinking, right?

Tonight we are having dinner up in Round Rock with the Princess of Portugal and Baron Lee.  She might be making Mexican food, which I am dreading.  I love Mexican food, but she wants to make some crazy dish called Chicken Mole.  Don’t get me wrong, I love chicken, but I’ll be damned if I eat a mole.  (Check this out, the whacky senorita intends to cover the rodent with chocolate sauce!)  Thanks, but no thanks.  Comprende?

Finally, I want to send a special HELLO to my dear friend, Peter.  Life is about to get really wonderful for him, and I couldn’t be happier.  We are all very proud of you, and we absolutely worship your beautiful companion!  (who just happens to be my beautiful daughter, Rebecca!)  Looking forward to seeing you both tomorrow…  but please don’t feel obligated to buy (too much) champagne!  I’m not worthy.  (Actually, I am, but why push my luck?)

In closing, on a serious note, my thoughts and prayers go out to the kind and generous folks in Nepal.  Yesterday’s earthquake was devastating, but hang in there, my friends.  Help is on the way!  (Thanks to the never-ending generosity of Americans.)  This too shall pass.

Well, buckeroos, time to saddle up and head out to the north forty.  Or the south thirty.  Whichever comes first.  Happy trails to you and yours, and look for the old ranger (that would be me) next Sunday, same time, same place.

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff