Hillary Clinton

September 28, 2014

THE BIRTH OF A NOTION!

I know, I know, it’s supposed to be “The Birth of a Nation.”  Well, I wasn’t referring to D.W. Griffith, or for that matter, Melanie Griffith.  My “notion” pertains to a new idea I had for a book, which has recently come to life!  Yes, my friends, despite my advanced age, I have become the proud parent of a new bundle of joy, titled, RANSOM ON THE RHONE.  I “delivered” my 6 lb. 3 oz. baby to the publisher on Friday, which was great timing, mainly because the media was going gaga over Chelsea Clinton’s baby girl.  (Her delivery got a little more coverage than mine.  What’s the story with that?)

Charlotte Clinton is a precious little girl and I wish her happiness, health, and success.  I understand that she caused a little ruckus in the maternity ward… apparently she was caught handing out voter registration forms to the infants in the ward!  Half of the babies took the form and half spit up or fell asleep.  This is to be expected, since we live in a country that has become a blue diaper/pink diaper place.  Jeez, can’t we bury the pacifier and just get along?

Speaking of getting along, this past week was another fast-paced affair, centered around the wonderful world of book promotions.  Earlier in the week, I drove up to lovely Georgetown and spoke to a local book club.  The ladies were kind enough to show me around town and buy me lunch.  We went to Roots Bistro, which features a wonderful sandwich called the “Kitchen Sink.”  (Topped with meat, bacon, sausage, spinach, olives, and whatever else is laying around.)  Great place and great sandwich, but if you eat the entire thing, you will need a toilet instead of a sink!  (Just saying.)

After a brief stop at Inner Space Caverns, we drove over to El Monumento, a marvelous watering hole frequented by the Princess of Portugal and Baron Lee, two of my most loyal fans.  If you head up to Georgetown when it’s warm, you should also try to visit the Blue Hole, which is a swimming spot on the San Gabriel River.  Unfortunately, there was no nude swimming.  (I brought the camera for nothing.)  Ah well, such is life.

By the way, I have a wonderful announcement…..  Our blog site (and I do mean “ours” because I could not have done it without you!) has reached a new plateau!  A new level!  The pinochle of success!  We now have…..  (drum roll, please) …..  7,000 blog followers!  I think we might reach 10,000 by spring, but in any case, this is great news.  Again, I would like to personally thank each and every one of my sweet Sunday readers!  If you have any friends that you think would enjoy the blog, please feel free to guide them here!  All are welcome.

When I heard the news about the birth of Charlotte Clinton, I started to think about my own daughters.  (I have two.)  We were debating whether to have a third child, but to be perfectly honest, my wife and I knew very little about S-E-X.  In fact, the only thing my parents told me was that the man goes on top, and the woman on the bottom.  So we went out and bought a bunk bed!  (Man, talk about a long distance relationship!)  Well, all this talk about children has made me bankrupt, I mean hungry, so I must leave you now.  (The pancakes need to be turned over, and my wife is too lazy to step out of the shower, dry off, and flip them over.  Women!)

Have a wonderful week… and as a special surprise, I am attaching (hopefully) the first rendition of the front book cover for RANSOM ON THE RHONE.  Do me a favor, if you can, and let me know what you think.  This is just the first “drawing” but I would love to hear your opinion about the general concept.  Thanks!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

Ransom1stChoiceCover

May 12, 2013

CHARGE OF THE LIGHT BRIGADE!

HALF A LEAGUE, HALF A LEAGUE, HALF A LEAGUE ONWARD!  (Why only half a league?  Another major league baseball strike?)  Who knows.  CANNON TO RIGHT OF THEM, CANNON TO LEFT OF THEM!  (Oh wait, those are toll booths.  My bad.)  Well, as you can see, my spring road trip/book signing tour got off to poetic and humorous start.  (Surprise, surprise.)  How so you ask?  Well, my darling wife decided to wash my sneakers the night before we left.  (She wanted me to make a good impression when we reached Tupelo!)  My friends, sneakers take a while to dry.  I won’t belabor the point, but let’s just say that the incident encouraged me to write a new screenplay…..  “Honey, I Shrunk The Keds!”

I could have reacted violently, or “conversely” I could have let bygones by bygones.  I took the high ground.  (I left her at a hilltop rest stop!)  Then I realized she had my wallet in her purse, so I returned to the scene of the crime.  How could she ruin my new sneakers?  Well, my friends, you are never too old to learn something stupid.  Thus began our memorable road trip!

Our first (planned) stop was Baton Rouge, which in French means “Baton Rouge.”  (Fooled you, didn’t I?)  In English, Baton Rouge means “red stick.”  (The city was built on the site of a tall cypress tree, redish in color.)  It must have been a mighty big stick, and it certainly has affected the residents.  (Most of them talk softly, but carry a big stick.)  I often talk softly and perform a little shtick.

According to a recent article in Garden and Gun Magazine (one of the best magazines in America) the very best hamburger in the country is to be found at Fat Cow Burgers in Baton Rouge….. close to the L.S.U. Campus.  Naturally, I had to stop there and see for myself.  Patty and I ordered the featured burger, which consisted of the following ingredients….  A toasted “potato bun” with a hand ground 8 oz. angus burger topped with Benton’s apple smoked bacon, Gruyere cheese, caramelized onion, fresh arugula, sliced tomato, and….. horseradish mayonnaise!  (Accompanied by thick, hand cut french fries!)  The verdict?  OMG.  They were truly wonderful!  (The draft Abita beer was also a nice touch.)  If you’re within 1,000 miles of Baton Rouge, just go.  You’ll thank me later!

Hey, today is Mother’s Day, and since I have the most wonderful mother in the world, I want to remind you to call your own mom and tell her how much you love her.  If you can’t get through, call my mom.  (But don’t call collect!)  I already tried that, and she won’t accept the charges.  (Hey, what’s up with that?)

Earlier today, I drove up to Tupelo, Mississippi in a VERY unusual fashion.  I was completely naked!  (Just kidding)  I drove up on the Natchez Trace Parkway, one of the oldest and most scenic routes in America.  The experience was nothing short of incredible, and I will go into more detail later.  My God, do we have a beautiful country!

Well, I’ve been on the road (actually inside a car) for the last 6 hours, so I need to bathe and go sleepyville.  I will write again soon, so look for my next post!  If you’ve enjoyed my writing, just remember….. stealing ideas from one person is plagiarism. Stealing from a group of people is called research!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff