September | 2015 | Books By Stephen G. Yanoff

Do you realize that yesterday (Saturday) was “Talk Like A Pirate Day?” Aye, ’tis true, me hearties. Shiver my timbers if somebody didn’t create a brand new holiday in order to celebrate my second mystery novel. (The Pirate Path) Well, at least I think that’s why they created the new holiday. What other reason could there possibly be? In any case, in order to celebrate the audacious occasion, I took my matey to a fancy pirate-like restaurant… Long John Silver’s. We ordered some special pirate-like grub and some rum. Check this out… the restaurant was selling corn on the cob for ….. “A-buck-an-ear!” (Ouch!)

Speaking of books… The National Book Awards were recently announced, and I’m proud to report that my first non-fiction masterpiece, THE SECON MOURNING, was almost nominated. (My mother forgot to return the nomination form.) I’m not too upset. Last year she returned the form but misspelled my name. (She nominated Stephen “King” by accident.) By the way, the winner of last week’s book contest was Angelo Petraglino from Rome, Italy. (The bridge photograph on the cover of THE PIRATE PATH was taken in Istanbul, Turkey.) Congratulations, Angelo. Your book is in the mail.

So what else is new? Well, I just read that Kellogg’s Cereal was planning to donate millions of dollars to an African charity, but now they’re hesitating… Tony the Tiger was apparently gunned down by a Minnesota dentist!

I just finished reading Hillary Clinton’s 45-page plan to be more spontaneous. (As the old cowboy said, it was a “spur of the moment” decision.)

Did you watch the Miss America Contest? Miss Georgia was crowned “Miss America.” Miss Kentucky was chosen “Least Cooperative.” (I refuse to explain these lame jokes!)

NBC just announced that Arnold Schwarzenegger will replace Donald Trump as the host of “Celebrity Apprentice.” I don’t think Trump is going to be too happy when he learns that he’s being replaced by an immigrant with an anchor baby!

On the home front… If I seem a little testy, it’s because I overslept and missed my exercise class this morning. This is the fifteenth year in a row that’s happened. My wife made me join “Orange Fitness.” I only agreed because I thought she said “Orange Julius,” which is one of my favorite health food drinks. Thank God the parking lot is usually filled. (Good excuse to come back home for a beer.) Hey, by the way, do you have to be pregnant to park in a “delivery zone?”

Speaking of deliveries… I will soon be on my way east, bound for Florida and another highly anticipated book tour/road show. I will post my official itinerary next week, in case you want to rob my house while I’m gone. If you do break in, please remember to flush the toilets and feed the pit bulls. (And watch those pesky land mines!)

In case you’re wondering, the next “Adam Gold Mystery” is currently being edited and will be published in early 2016. The book is titled “A RUN FOR THE MONEY,” and this time Adam Gold will become embroiled in an insurance claim that involves grave robbing and a Thoroughbred horse murder. As always, the story is basically true, and based upon an actual insurance claim handled by Mr. Gold’s real-life counterpart. (Me!) I think you folks are going to love the book. The pre-reviews have been phenomenal.

Well, me buckos, time for this old pirate to walk the plank and head to breakfast. I do hope you have a safe and joyful week. We shall meet again at high tide, or ebb tide, or tide detergent. You decide. I’m hungry! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff (Sometimes known by my pirate moniker, “Captain Kidder.”)

P.S. Any idea where or when the attached photograph was taken?

There’s very little quiet on any set these days, but that’s because of the cable networks. In any case, I wasn’t referring to television. (By the way, why do they call it a television “set” when there is only one device?) Where was I? Oh yes, the quiet on the set thing. Well, I’ve got some potentially good news to share with my 21,000 loyal blog followers…… There is a possibility, albeit remote, that my second mystery novel, THE PIRATE PATH, will be optioned for a movie later this year. Are you folks familiar with a production company called “Infinitum Nihil?” (Meaning “infinite nothing.”) This is Johnny Depp’s company, operated by the old pirate and his sister. Keep your fingers crossed for me. (Pirates always have to cross a few bones for luck!)

Speaking of luck… I recently received two lovely gifts from two of my high school friends who are also blog followers. First, I wish to thank the incredibly talented Joyce Harness McGregor for sending me a beautiful painting of my favorite bird. (The red cardinal) The painting is now hanging in my study for all to see. Second, I would like to thank the brilliant Margaret Dinzler Shaw for sending me a copy of the book of essays she recently edited. Good job, Margaret!

Incidentally, I recently received an invitation to become Facebook friends with the great Daniel Negreanu, one of the world’s best poker players. Daniel is a fan of my mystery novels, and one of the truly nice guys on the professional poker circuit. I wish him continued success at the tables, and urge him to wear the t-shirt I’m sending. (The shirt displays a full face photo of President James A. Garfield on the front, and on the back it reads: THE SECOND MOURNING.) Dang shirt costs me five bucks to make!

Did you see that the CEO of Starbucks is telling his workers to be gentle with customers who may have lost money in the stock market last week? Great advice from a guy who charges five dollars for a cup of coffee! I’ve figured out how they get away with that… they use Italian titles for all of their special drinks. Makes the stuff sound fancy. Hey, who charges more per cup, Starbucks or Victoria’s Secret? (Both keep me up at night!)

My never-ending self-promoting book tour and tequila sampling took me to another fascinating location last week. I spent a productive afternoon in lovely San Saba, the Pecan Capital of the World. (Just think of all the “nut jokes” I could do right now!) Believe it or not, the town produces over five million pounds of pecans every year! They use pecans in almost everything down there, including beer, olive oil, pies, cakes, cookies, and pralines. These items are not cheap. You have to “shell out” some bucks if you want to eat well! If you plan to stay f0r dinner, I’d try Diggs Restaurant & Club. (Yummy steaks, cooked over…. pecan!)

Well, I must close now. My new grand-daughter is expecting me, and if I show up late, she might need a diaper change. (Man, if you guys thought an oil change was messy, you should see some of those diapers!) How can anything so beautiful produce such a nasty odor? Yes, dear pilgrims, the Lord works in mysterious ways! (He also has a wicked sense of humor!)

Have a safe and happy week, and we shall meet again in the sweet by and by. (or should I say, bye-bye?) Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. A free autographed book to the first person who can tell me where the attached photo was taken!

Books By Stephen G. Yanoff

Month: September 2015

“THE PIRATE PATH” MAKES HISTORY!

QUIET ON THE SET!