HI BUCKEROOS, IT’S SCAMP YANOFF TIME AGAIN… TIME TO SLIDE ONE BY YOU ONCE MORE…

First the BIG NEWS…..  My second “Adam Gold Mystery Novel,” titled MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE, is ready for publication and will be available in the very near future!  We completed the final book cover design yesterday, and as you will see, the good folks at Aberdeen Bay Press did a fantastic job.  In my humble opinion, the cover is simply awesome.  (Except for my mug on the back!)  I will, of course, let you know when it is available for purchase on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble.com, etc.

A lot has happened in our world since last Sunday, so why don’t we take a moment and play “catch-up?”  (I didn’t have a chance to post a blog last week.)  Well, as they say, “where there’s smoke there’s….. a new Pope!”  I wonder if that’s where the term “Holy Smoke” comes from?  Congratulations to Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio, an Argentine, who will now be known as Pope Francis.  The Argentines were understandably emotional, so His Holiness told them…..  “Don’t cry for me, Argentina!”  (You can’t make this stuff up!)  I feel bad that the Pope can’t marry.  I have been in a monotonous relationship for 35 years, and I am quite numb, I mean, happy.  Of course, there are many bonds that keep us together.  (Savings bonds, Government bonds, Municipal bonds, etc.)

Looks like Carnival Cruise Lines had another smelly week.  I pity the poor folks that were recently on the “Carnival Dream,” which should be re-named the “Carnival Nightmare.”   As you might know, the ship lost power temporarily and the halls filled up with….. well, human waste.  (No, not the incompetent crew.)  Carnival Cruises now has a new slogan…  “Howdy Doody!”   (Peyew, that joke stinks!)

What do you folks think about all of those pigs that a Chinese farmer admitted dumping into the Huangpu River?  (6,000 porkers!)  The pigs were pulled out of the water, cooked and shredded, and served to tourists from Arkansas!  (Those razorbacks just love “pulled pork.”)  At first I thought the story was “hog wash,” but now I’m not so sure.  If I close my beautiful brown eyes, I can almost see Sum Yung Guy (the farmer) standing on the bank of a levee.  (Why would they open a bank on a levee?)  Anyway, I can see him humming Stephen Foster’s famous song, “Way down upon the Swine-ee Riber… ”

Incidentally, did you know that Stephen Foster, “The Father of American Music,” was raised by a “foster family?”  Duh.  To be perfectly honest, the man was a genius.  (Even though, sadly, he died a pauper at the age of 37.)  During his short lifetime, he wrote…  “Oh! Susanna,” “Camptown Races,” “Old Folks at Home,” “Jeanie With The Light Brown Hair,” and my personal favorite, “Beautiful Dreamer.”  (My theme song, incidentally!)

Since I completely missed St. Patrick’s Day, I would like to offer a belated greeting to all of my Irish friends.  (Including a gal named Patricia Eileen McCloskey!)  I’ve always admired St. Patrick, even though he drove the snakes out of Ireland.  (Hey, family comes first to “The Cobra!”)  I’ve always wondered how he drove the snakes off of an island.  How big was his car?  I wonder if he drove a Dodge Viper?  Well, as they say in County Cork…..  “Here’s to a long life and a merry one.  A quick death and an easy one.  A pretty girl and an honest one.  A cold pint – and another one!”   Erin adjust your bragh!

Finally, I would like to mention that my friend, Larry Brill, a semi-famous television personality in Austin, has a new book coming out in early April.  The book is titled, “Live@Five,” and it is a very good read, so look for it on Amazon.com in the weeks ahead.  (Larry was the producer of “Writing Across Texas,” the show that I co-hosted for a few years.)

Remember, dear ones, you are never too old to learn something stupid.  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit….. wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. This masterly prose is dedicated to a masterpiece of a person, my sweet sister-in-law, Kathy Johnston.