Good evening, my royal subjects…..
Well, as many of you know, Paul Revere (who I have always “revered”) was a colonial patriot who rode through the suburbs of Boston shouting that “the British are coming!” Why he had to shout I do not know, but now that I have spent a few days in London, I must confess that I absolutely adore our British cousins and would gladly welcome them to invade our country once again. (But we already pay enough taxes, thank you very much!) Taxation aside (even with representation) the Brits are more than welcome to stay with me any time they come to the Lone Star State. (For you folks in Arkansas, that would be Texas.)
After our lovely breakfast at the Egerton House, where we met two of the nicest people on Earth (Mr. Sohail Jaffer and his beautiful wife) we took a cab up to the British Museum, and all I can say is….. WOW! The place was filled with old stuff, but still very impressive. Truly one of the best museums in the world, and so big that it would even look oversized in Texas! (Now that’s big.) Being a semi-famous writer, my first stop was the William Shakespeare room. The man was an obvious genius, even though he never wrote a word about Elvis Presley. (THE PRESLEY PLOT would have made a terrific play, and I might send a copy to the folks at the Globe Theatre just to get their reaction.)
My favorite two stops (after Bill Shakespeare) were seeing the Rosetta Stone, which next to Mick Jagger, is the most famous stone in Great Britain, and viewing the Elgin Marbles brought to the museum by Lord Elgin. (Whose family also makes great jalapeno sausage.) Lord Elgin, as you may remember, “borrowed” the stones from the Parthenon in Athens, but has yet to return them. (Personally, I think the Greeks lost their marbles way before Lord Elgin, but who am I, an amateur archaeologist to say?)
In any case, the marble columns and statues are now brilliantly displayed in the museum for all to see, and they are quite impressive. (Lady Spendthrift thought they showed a little too much “masculinity,” but I was kind of impressed with the dimensions of the ancient Greeks.) Some of the statues may have been Roman, but as they say in Astoria, it was Greek to me.
When we returned to the Egerton House, which just might be the best hotel in our solar system, we were in for a real treat! First, we met the charming and talented Antonio, a 40-year employee of the hotel, who is quite conceivably the best bartender in the Universe! (I shall describe my wonderful martini at a later date!) Then we dined at Mamounia Restaurant, which not only serves the BEST lamb tangine ever made by human hands, but also employs several of the MOST beautiful young ladies I have ever seen! One was more beautiful than the next! I had a hard time eating, but somehow I managed to overeat again! (I am, after all, a professional gourmand)
I may be adopting a gorgeous young lady from Hungary! And one from Poland! And another from Ethiopia! Nevermind, I’ll take them all! (but they have to bring some lamb with them!) What a marvelous restaurant! If you go to London, you must stop by and try their amazing cuisine. (Bring a camera so you can take some photos of the beautiful ladies!)
Finally, when we returned to the hotel, the amazing staff (under the direction of the world’s best General Manager, Ms. Michelle Devlin) had arranged for a special surprise for us! The room was covered with rose petals! There were candles everywhere! Ice cold champagne! Soft music! Dim lights! (Unfortunately, I was by myself, as Lady Spendthrift was shopping at Harrod’s again, but I still had a romantic experience!) Just kidding, Mom. What a lovely and thoughtful surprise! Since I now have blog followers in 27 different countries, I would like to suggest that if you come to London, you MUST stay at the Egerton House. You will love it here, and will love everything about this hotel, especially the kindness and professionalism of the staff and management. (And you could not ask for a better location!)
Well, it’ time to clear off the rose petals and hit the sack….. tomorrow we are off for Paris…. which I think is somewhere in France. I can’t wait to show Lady Spendthrift how a guillotine works! (I hope she doesn’t “lose her head” during my lecture.)
Bon jour mon ami! I will write again soon…. (unless I decide to join the French Foreign Legion or the American Legion or the Elks Lodge.)
Ta-ta, old chaps……
Doc Yanoff (a/k/a Lord Sleepsalot)
Thanks for the updates. I had forgotten how much I enjoy your horrible puns. Have fun in Paris, mon ami.