September 21, 2025

ALPINE ADVENTURES! (Part Two)

I just realized that the word Rhine rhymes with wine, which is just fine. However, on our last river voyage we focused on beer, which turned out to be a very wise choice. Except for one incident… after guzzling a few pints of ale, I inadvertently walked into the ladies room and quickly discovered that the Germans are fixated with certain numbers. Some guy kept yelling, “Nine, nine, nine!” I yelled back, “No, number one!” The guy walked off huffing and puffing, but that’s because he was a sour Kraut.

Our first biergarten adventure was actually in the fun-loving city of Cologne, where all of the semi-inebriated citizens smell awfully good. (Yep, this is where the famous perfume was invented.) One our first night, we sampled 3 different breweries, and from what I remember they were all great. The good folks of Cologne love Kolsch beer and bratwurst, which makes them some of the wisest people on earth. (OMG, does that stuff go down easy!)

After Cologne, we sailed through the beautiful Rhine River Valley and stopped overnight in Koblenz, Rudesheim, and Speyer. Each town had its own unique charm, and a lot more beer to sample. Lest you think that I consumed too much bratwurst, I would like to point out that I also overindulged with an absurd amount of wienerschnitzel and sauerbraten. One evening I drank a little too much schnapps and couldn’t find my own wienerschnitzel, but that’s a long story.

The last leg of our voyage brought us to Strasbourg, France, and then it was off to Basel, Switzerland for a death-defying ride through the mountain passes of the Swiss and Italian Alps. Our guide, whose name was Heidi, was quite knowledgeable, but hard to understand. (She kept yodeling every time she saw one of her relatives or a herd of sheep.) Our lovely Swiss Miss told us that we were traveling across peaks that were 16,000 feet high! Don’t ask me how Hannibal (the Carthaginian general, not the cannibal) marched his army and a herd of elephants across the Alps. The poor pachyderms must have worn special snow shoes. (Which they packed in their “trunks” no doubt!)

Whence we crossed the Alps, we visited the Italian Lake District and spent a few glorious days exploring Lakes Maggiore, Garda, and Orta. (We skipped Lake Como because George Clooney wasn’t available for lunch.) One of the more interesting stops was a visit to the Monastery of San Giulio on Lake Orta. The monastery is home to 70 nuns who have taken a vow of silence and spend their days in quiet reflection and prayer. (No offense, but I can’t imagine 70 women being silent for any length of time. They must use sign language or something.) My wife has a funny sense of humor. She asked one of the nuns if I could join their order. (She said no. Well, actually she just shook her head.)

In closing, I would like to reiterate something I’ve said before….. the best part of any trip is meeting other folks from around the county. On this occasion we were lucky enough to meet some wonderful couples, including Greg and Joyce from Ohio, Diane and Nick from Pennsylvania, John and Sarah from Virginia, and Deb and Jennifer, from PA and South Carolina. All of these charming people made our trip an event to be remembered!

Next week I shall have some FASCINATING literary news to share, so be here or be there. Until we meet again, I wish you a salubrious and fun-filled week! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. I have attached some photos for your viewing enjoyment!

September 7, 2025

DUTCH TREAT!

Greetings from the Netherlands, a/k/a Holland, where 26% of the country is below sea level! Fortunately, most of it is at eye-level, and boy did I get an eyeful. Yours truly, and his faithful travel companion, recently returned from several weeks in Europe. We began our latest adventure in the bicycle-crazy city of Amsterdam, but that wasn’t the only damn thing we saw. When you go to Holland, you might rub elbows with Rotterdam, Westerdam, Oosterdam, Zuiderdam, and Volendam. But don’t bother looking for Potsdam or Hoover Dam. On this particular outing, we sailed aboard the Viking Sigrun, an impressive longship. Most of the voyage took place on the Rhine River, which is quite lovely this time of year.

As I mentioned, we fly into Amsterdam, which is an interesting city, overrun with death-defying bicyclists. (They defy you to cross the street without being run over!) We had the pleasure of staying at the Pulitzer Hotel, which is named after Peter Pulitzer, the grandson of Joseph Pulitzer, the founder of the literary award that I expect to win one of these days. (To improve my chances, I left a book in the men’s room and service elevator.)

The city of Amsterdam is known for many things (some of them legal) and we had no trouble seeing the most famous sites. Our hotel was just down the street from the Anne Frank House and an easy walk to many of the museums. The most famous museum in town is the Van Gogh Museum, which we tried to go to, but couldn’t find. Apparently, the painter moved around a lot. (He was probably a “moving Van.”) I kept asking people, “where did Van go?” Nobody seemed to know, which was rather “ear-ritating.” (Should I have “cut” that joke?)

Overall, I think we spent our time wisely. My wife went to a store that sold kitchenware. (She never showed me the pot she bought, but she was giggling about her purchase all afternoon.) I was interested in purchasing a lamp, so I went to the Red Light District, which had some very unusual window displays and a VERY friendly staff. I didn’t buy anything, but I did get a shot of whiskey and penicillin. (Better safe than sorry!)

After several fun-filled days in Amsterdam, we sailed down to the quaint village of Kinderdijk, the self-proclaimed “Windmill Capital” of the Netherlands. Being a semi-famous author, I was reminded of my favorite novel, written by Miguel de Cervantes. Naturally, I’m referring to the timeless classic DAN COYOTE, the marvelous tale of a Spanish Knight-errant and his faithful sidekick, Sancho Panda. What a memorable book.

The remainder of my voyage will be discussed ad nauseam in future blogs, so if you find this post elucidating (or hallucinating) please tune in next Sunday, whence I will continue bloviating about our other port stops. Trust me, you will not want to miss a single word. (maybe a few sentences, but no words.)

Incidentally, not to brag, but my new history book, WONDER OF THE WEST, was recently chosen as the “Best U.S. History Book of 2025” by the judges of the Hollywood Book Festival. The First Prize Award is financially staggering, but more importantly I get to attend a gala dinner in N.Y.C. (Why they chose New York instead of Los Angeles is a mystery.) In any case, I might attend the awards ceremony if I can find my old bullet-proof vest.

By the way, speaking of steak dinners….. Do you know what they call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) Do you know what they call a cow with no ears? (Nothing, they can’t hear!)

Well, I think it’s time to MOO-ve on, so please take care and keep smiling. If you would like to see some photographs of my recent voyage, please scroll down. Love to all!

Doc Yanoff

August 3, 2025

REMEMBER THE MAINE?

No, not the US rallying cry during the Spanish-American War, which I so brilliantly wrote about in a history book titled, GONE BEFORE GLORY. I am referring to the actual state, which just happens to be the northeastern most state in America. I recently returned from “The Pine Tree State,” and I am happy to report that the place was magnificent! (We drove through New Hampshire, too, which we took for granite. Bad joke.) In any case, we had the pleasure of staying at the lovely Nonantum Resort in Kennebunkport. We wanted to stay at Walker’s Point Estate (The Bush family compound) but the entire Bush clan was in town, so it was difficult to get past the Secret Service. (We encountered the same problem with the Obama folks in Hawaii.)

After gouging ourselves on lobster and clams for a week, we drove down to Boston, which as many of you know, is often referred to as “Beantown.” Lots of baked beans. Everywhere you go you run into beans. The good part? We never had to stop for gas.

For continuity’s sake, I should mention that we actually began our escapade in Atlanta, then flew up to Albany, New York, rented a Humvee (actually an SUV) and drove north to Lake George, one of the most beautiful lakes in the universe. As some of you know, I actually grew up in Lake George…. meaning that I spent most of my teenage summers there. My parents owned and operated the Flamingo Motel, which is located in Diamond Point. Needless to say, I have a million fond memories of the region.

On this trip, we stayed at the splendid Sagamore Resort in Bolton Landing. The resort is perched (not a fishing pun) on the shores of Lake George and is simply stunning in every regard. (I have attached some photographs below.) We spent about a week wining and dining, and had a marvelous time with the grand-kids. (Who never stopped eating!) If you’ve never been to the Adirondack region, you are truly missing one of America’s most beautiful places…. so start packing!

Now for some earth-shattering literary news….. I am proud to announce that my recent history masterpiece, titled, WONDER OF THE WEST, has been selected as a FINALIST in the 19th Annual National Indie Excellence Awards Contest! (You can view my interview and read about the book by going to http://www.indieexcellence.com) The award comes with a HUGE cash prize, which I am willing to split with any of my blog followers. Just send me your bank PIN numbers so that I can transfer the money in a secure fashion. (Hey, if you can’t trust me, who can you trust?)

One serious note about money…. now would be a good time to purchase any of my books, because ALL royalties will be donated to the Texas Flood Relief. (To help with the disaster of July 4th.)

Finally, if you’re curious about my last outing, kindly scroll down and you will see some lovely photos. The first ones were taken in Lake George, then second group in Maine, and I think there might be a shot or two of the grand-kids. (I have to take a shot or two every time I’m around them!) Well, take good care of yourselves and enjoy the remainder of the summer. Speak with you soon,

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

June 15, 2025

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, 2025!

I know it’s been a while since we last spoke, but I’ve been “panhandling!” (Not begging, just vacationing in the gorgeous panhandle region of Florida.) The boss and I flew east to participate in a book signing and catch some rays on Rosemary Beach. (Just up the road from the setting of my new “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, THE LONG HARD FALL. We spent 4 enjoyable nights at the lovely Pearl Hotel, which as the name implies is a real gem.

While we were roughing it in the wilderness of West Florida, I decided to go on Safari. (Not the African kind — the web browser on the internet) I did, however, encounter some wild animals, but I also made some new friends on Facebook. (Two from Burundi and one from Chad.)

Between Margaritas, I volunteered to be a judge at a local fashion show. Well, it wasn’t actually a fashion show… it was more of a wet T-shirt contest. (same idea, I told my wife) In any case, the young lady who won the contest was very grateful and offered me a lap dance. Unfortunately, she meant a real Lapp from Scandinavia. Nice girl, but her Viking horns kept poking me in the stomach.

By the way, what do you think caribou care about?

Moving on….. a few weeks ago I had the pleasure of discussing my new historical masterpiece, WONDER OF THE WEST, with the charming and intelligent ladies of the Flintlock Falls Book Club. It was a delightful afternoon, and I would like to thank the wonderful Sheila Niles for setting up the event. I look forward to our next meeting!

Some more earth-shattering news… THE LONG HARD FALL was recently selected (by a major NYC newspaper) as “one of the best summer reads of 2025.” (Which, technically, means that you MUST buy the darn book and read it ASAP in order to avoid any legal consequences.) Hey, I don’t make the rules.

The next trip on tap (besides more beer) is a long-awaited outing to Lake George, New York. Upon my arrival in the stunning Adirondack Mountains, I shall be doing some much-needed research for a new history book set in that region. We will be housed at the Sagamore Hotel for a week or so, and then it’s off to Forts William Henry and Ticonderoga. (My parents used to own a motel in Lake George, a place called the Flamingo Motel, so I spent quite a few summers on the Lake.) Which, by the way, was recently named the “cleanest lake in America!”

Well, I’m off (somewhat reluctantly) to the bagel store for breakfast. The last time I went there I asked if I could buy a bagel with cream cheese, and the youngster at the counter said, “I’m sorry, sir. We only take cash.” (Jeez, what is this country coming to?) On that note, I shall take my leave… but I wish you all a stupendous Father’s Day and much love…. Until we meet again, I remain,

Dr. Stephen G. Yanoff (a/k/a Doc Y)

May 18, 2025

SPRING HAS SPRUNG!

So what’s going on with the weather? The first day of summer in 2025 is supposed to be June 20, but do not be fooled by this arbitrary and capricious date! The last few days (five or six, mind you) have been real scorchers, one hundred or more degrees each day! (And it’s only May!) How hot has it been, you ask? Well, it was so hot that my water bed began to boil! I saw a funeral procession pull through a Dairy Queen! Texas cows have begun to give evaporated milk!

All right, enough jokes about the heat. How was your Mother’s Day? Mine was a little unusual. I took my wife to San Marcos for a hot air balloon trip, but the dang place was out of business. The owner was filling his balloons with COLD AIR, so his business never got off the ground. (Ouch!) Being a thoughtful hubby, I offered my wife some Kashmir. She thought I meant cashmere. Foolish girl. She missed an good trip.

Despite the heat, I have been diligently pursuing my infamous writing career, and I am thrilled to announce that the 7th installment in the “Adam Gold Mystery Series” has just been published and is now available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, and leading bookstores across the nation.

The newest tale is titled, THE LONG HARD FALL, and has already received some rave reviews from the usual culprits at the N.Y. Times and elsewhere. In this book, Adam Gold, preeminent insurance investigator, is compelled to dive into the dark and dangerous world of shady builders in South Florida — and confront Russian mobsters, Chinese Intelligence, and Haitian street gangs.

If you’re looking for a great summer read, then this is the book for you. Please note that all royalties will be spent promoting my frivolous lifestyle and tequila consumption. On this you have my word.

Well, I hope you enjoyed today’s pun-filled blog. Do you realize how hard it is to explain puns to a kleptomaniac? Think about it. Those poor souls take things literally. (Just saying)

And on that note… Have a salubrious (and mildly salacious) week, and remember to be nice to your grand-children. (You will need them to smuggle alcohol into the nursing home!) Take care and we shall chat again soon. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. If you will scroll down, you will see what the new book cover looks like.

September 22, 2024

MEDITERRANEAN MEANDERING! (Final Chapter)

Do you realize that it has taken three blog posts to fully describe my recent voyage? Would you like to know why? No, not because I’m verbose! Because the Mediterranean Sea is so darn big. How big, you ask? Well, it’s surrounded by 22 countries and has a coastline of almost 29,000 miles! (Which, by the way, is longer than the distance around the Earth. Which is 24, 901 miles.)

So, just to finish our last nautical summary, we left Turkey and set sail for the enchanting (and expensive) islands of Santorini, Mykonos, Crete, and Symi. (My personal favorite) Amazingly, there were no cruise ships in port, so we pretty much had the islands to ourself. I even swam topless. Santorini has the best views, Mykonos the prettiest jewelry, Crete the most beaches and wonderful olive oil, and Symi is the perfect place to relax and enjoy the beauty of Greece. We drove all over Crete, which is about 160 miles long, and were simply amazed by how lovely the island looked. (Get this, there are over 30 million olive trees on Crete!) By and large, the Cretans (yes, that’s what they’re called) are super friendly and love American tourists. After a few more islands, it was back to Athens, which is one of my favorite cities to explore. The locals seemed to understand each other, but it was Greek to me.

I’m grateful that the weather and waves were incredibly calm, but after two weeks at sea it was nice to get back on terra firma. (which sounds like the name of a small Italian village, non e vero?) So, now that I’m back in the saddle, what else is new? Well, as you may have heard, my new historical masterpiece, titled, WONDER OF THE WEST, recently won the silver medal for “Best U.S. History Book of 2024” at the New York Book Festival. We are toying with the idea of attending the awards ceremony, but first we have to purchase a couple of bulletproof vests and a small thermonuclear device. Better safe than sorry, right?

Before I forget, I’d like to thank my good friend (and unofficial publicist) Loyd Smith for arranging for me to speak at the Lakeway Men’s Club last week. Turn out was great, and I sold every book I had! I love to speak at this club, which is comprised of some great and intelligent folks. The topic of my presentation was John C. Fremont, and we had some great questions during the Q&A session. Thanks again to Loyd and Tom Cain for setting this up.

Well, I think I’m off to Bass Pro Shops. I thought I might take a look at some fishing rods. (I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.) The last time I went shopping there, I couldn’t find any camouflage clothing. I looked everywhere, but no dice. Go figure.

Today I shall leave you with a riddle (compliments of Loyd Smith): How do lawyers sleep? Answer: They lie on one side, then the other side! Amen, brothers and sisters. Take care and have a felicific week. (I’m afraid you’ll have to look up that word!)

Love to all, Doc Yanoff

**** PHOTOS ATTACHED ****

April 28, 2024

WONDER OF THE WEST! (PART I)

I know what you’re thinking….. Isn’t that the title of my new (and long overdue) historical masterpiece? Well, yes, but it’s also a fitting title for my recently completed exploration. I just had the good fortune to spend a couple of weeks out West, touring several of our magnificent national parks. Our great adventure began in Scottsdale, where we stayed at the lovely Westin Resort Hotel and treated ourselves to a Mexican fiesta at La Hacienda, a culinary gem inside the Fairmont Hotel. It took two full days to absorb and digest the prickly pear margaritas, but “agave” they were worth it!

My only complaint about the Westin were the soft, fluffy towels they offered to guests. (They were very difficult to stuff into our luggage.) Day one of the official trip brought us to colorful Sedona, and then it was off to the Grand Canyon, a modest little crevice in Northern Arizona. The word “spectacular” doesn’t even begin to describe this spot. Believe it or not, the canyon is 277 miles long, 10 miles wide, and over one mile deep! (Which makes the canyon bigger than two of our states, Rhode Island and Delaware!)

After a scrumptious dinner at El Tovar Restaurant on the South Rim, we spent the night at Kachina Lodge, then left the following morning for Glen Canyon Dam and an evening dinner cruise on Lake Powell. The next day was spent on the Navajo Nation, where we hiked through an incredible “slot canyon,” a long, narrow channel with sheer rock walls that are typically eroded sandstone. While we were meandering around a tribal village, my wife discovered a jewelry shop (surprise, surprise) and forced me to buy her an “authentic” turquoise trinket. (At least I “Hopi” it was authentic, but you “Navajo!”) To tell you the truth, I had “reservations” about those joke!

At this juncture, I would like to reiterate that the best part of any trip are the new friendships you make — and this trip was no exception. We met wonderful folks from Nebraska, Florida, California, North Carolina, Minnesota, Pennsylvania, Missouri, and New Mexico. They were all terrific companions and we will remember them for years to come. (Especially Harry, who took over 700 photographs during our trip!)

The remainder of our adventure will be discussed in next week’s blog, so be sure to revisit next Sunday. (Or the Sunday after that) In the meantime, keep smiling and remember what St. Augustine said about travel: “The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.”

Don’t forget to scroll down and check out some of my photographs. (They are all “grand!”)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

December 11, 2016

SWEDES SIMMER & STEW OVER SONGWRITER SNUB!

How’s that for alliteration? By the way, alliteration has nothing to do with dogs or puppies. (Just saying.) I posted this headline to remind my blog followers that, despite my best intentions, I could not resolve the ongoing dispute between the Nobel Prize Committee and Bob Dylan. (Who sent a lousy note of thanks, instead of showing up for the ceremony.) I offered to fly to Sweden and accept the loot, but they refused to show me the money. I even offered to pretend that I was a (more) famous writer, such as Dylan Thomas. Nope, that wasn’t good enough. Marshal Dylan was out, too. (Do you think James Arness drove a Dodge?) Well, you can’t say that I didn’t try.

Now you know why I prefer the Danish. (Some good pastry jokes here!) I still say that the only good thing about Sweden was Inger Stevens. (And you folks know what happened to that poor girl!) Anyway, I’m not bitter, I just sound it. Personally, I’d rather have that Beverly Hills Award I mentioned last week. (No Lutefisk at our awards dinner!) Time to move on, but don’t be surprised if I ask for a recount. (Everyone else is!)

So what else is new? Well, for one thing, my next book tour (and rum swigging adventure) has finally been announced in the trade papers. However, you don’t have to trade papers to learn my itinerary. Here it is (roughly) subject to final approval from the Dept. of Homeland Insecurity: First, the Cayman Cookout on January 12-15 (featuring the infamous chef, Anthony Mundane) is still questionable, BUT I will definitely have a presence (or some presents) on the following Caribbean islands…. Grand Turk, Puerto Rico, St. Bart’s, Antigua, Tortola, and the Dominican Republic.

All of my (somewhat) brilliant mystery novels, and my (semi) interesting nonfiction masterpiece, THE SECOND MOURNING, will be available at all of the book festivals scheduled for 2017. If you find yourselves in the Caribbean (well, not IN the Caribbean, but near it) you should attend an event. These festivals are really quite interesting (great food and drink) and you will be helping the local economy. (Not to mention enriching me!) Jeez, I said not to mention that! What’s wrong with this blog editor? Anyway, it should be great fun, and another wonderful tax deduction, I mean, literary event.

Speaking of great fun, the winner of our last trivia contest was Judith Freeman of Bozeman, Montana. (Just south of Muleshoe and a little north of Bellylint) Just kidding, I know where Bozeman is, and it is quite lovely. Ms. Freeman gave the correct answer to the following question: “What was the name of Jesse James’ favorite horse?” Her answer? The outlaw had 4 favorites! (Another trick question!) Not only did she get the number right, but she also knew their names! (Katie, Skyrocket, Stonewall, and Red Fox.) Congratulations, and she will now receive a $300 gift card to Home Depot. (God, my blog followers are soooooo smart!)

And since we are on the subject of “congratulations,” allow me to congratulate Mr. Adam Zell, my hard-working, Pittsburg-Steeler-Loving, son-in law, who recently received the Diamond Club Award from Realty Austin (one of our city’s most prominent realtors) for selling over….. (drum roll, please!)….. $10,000,000 in real estate! We are very proud of Adam, and this is truly a great accomplishment. (But slightly below marrying my daughter and producing Miss Goldie!) If the boy was a Yankee fan, he’d be perfect!

Well, dear friends, I must start packing for my next appearance. I have some special events lined up in Houston this coming weekend, and a HUGE party to attend on Wednesday and Thursday. (Thursday is our annual Steiner Ranch Poker & Pilsner Party. Thanks to the generosity of Rich & Sharon Walker (two other great realtors in Austin) we will be celebrating a decade of poker decadence and downright dependency! (I’m really starting to enjoy this alliteration thing.)

We shall chat again upon thy return! (assuming I can find my way out of Houston!) Until then, be well, and God Bless… Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

*** God-willing, there might be a photo or two attached to this blog!