AIN’T NUTHIN’ SWEET ABOUT THIS TEXAS HEAT, Y’ALL ….. Dang, it’s hot down here in Austin, Texas! How hot is it? (I’m glad you asked.) It’s so hot the fire ants have opened up a Kool Aid stand! It’s so hot the scorpions are crawling around with canteens! It’s so hot… Well, never mind, you get the idea. Hey, before I forget, there’s an email going around offering Processed Pork, gelatin, and salt in a can. If you get this email, DO NOT OPEN IT! (It’s SPAM.)
So what else is new? (Again, I’m glad you asked.) Looks like Hillary Clinton is in big trouble because of her private server. I’m not sure what that is, but I don’t think it’s a waitress. I think it has something to do with a computer, and I detest those darn things. Why? (What’s with all the questions?) Because somebody recently stole my identity online! You know the most humiliating part? The son of a gun returned my identity the next day. He said that after careful consideration he did NOT want to be me! Loser.
Check this out… there’s a novelty store in Houston that’s selling Donald Trump pinatas! Look on the bright side, something good will finally come out of the guy!
I see that President Obama went to a federal prison. (Calm down, he was only visiting.) I think he went there to discuss prison reform….. and spend some time with a bunch of former Congressmen. Did you know that there are no Jewish people in federal prison? Why? Because they eat lox. (locks?) All right, that was lame. I blame the heat.
On a brighter note, I am happy to report that the United States team recently won the International Math Olympics! Who says American kids can’t compete with those brainy Asians? Our juveniles are smarter than those dang foreigners! Congratulations to the American team: Shyam Narayanan, Yang Liu, Allen Liu, and their coach, Po-Shen Loh. (I hope those Asian folks learned a lesson!)
Well, as you can see from today’s post, I’ve finally reached the Wonder Years. (I wonder where my car is parked? I wonder where I left my cell phone? I wonder where my glasses are? I wonder if I’ve used these jokes before?) Oh well, time marches on, and it’s better to be in the parade than you-know-where. Incidentally, copies of THE SECOND MOURNING are still selling briskly and the recent awards have really increased sales. Amazingly, RANSOM ON THE RHONE is still one of the best-selling mysteries in France, so all is good on the literary front.
As some of you may know, we now have over 20,000 blog followers in 140 different countries. That being the case, some folks overseas have asked if I would post a photograph of my home in America. (No, they are not with ISIS.) Well, since I aim to please, and appreciate my blog followers enormously, I am going to attempt to post a recent photo of my private abode. (Notice I said abode, not commode.) I might point out that shortly after this picture was taken, I had a reptile dysfunction on my porch. A rather long, black snake decided to crawl through my legs as I was consuming a cold beer. I have therefore attached (hopefully) a photo of this particular reptile. By the way, this fellow was a non-venomous snake. Very beautiful markings. Quite tasty.
In closing, let me send my very best wishes to Ann D. in Round Rock. Ann had a little accident the other day, but she is one tough gal and we know she will be back on her feet in the very near future. We all wish you a speedy recovery, darling! I look forward to speaking at your book club in September! (Try to serve some lobster)
Vaya con dios, amigos y amigettes! Have a safe and wonderful week….. Love to all,
P.S. Resident and reptile reproductions attached!