Lots of cedar pollen, too.  In any case, don’t inhale unless you want to become pregnant.  Yep, it’s that time again…  Valentine’s Day!  Actually, yesterday was the holiday.  Today is the day that smart people buy leftover chocolate at enormous discount.  How much chocolate?  Try 58 million pounds!  (No wonder we have so many “cocoa puffs!”)  Jeez, that’s a lot of candy.  In case you’re wondering, we also buy a lot of flowers.  There are petal pushers all around us!  Red roses are the most popular flowers.  (I give my wife “two lips.”)  So, what is the total annual cost of this great day?  Well, Americans spend roughly $450,000,000 per year to show their undying affection!

By now you might be wondering, who the hell was this guy Valentine? Good question.  Not much is known about the old boy, except that he was a Catholic bishop and a martyr.  (Martyr is the Latin word for husband.)  You can thank Geoffrey Chaucer for creating the event that became associated with romantic love.  During the Middle Ages, Geoff noticed that birds paired in mid-February, so he put two and two together and came up with our present holiday.

How we went from birdies to candy and cards is a mystery, but I love a good mystery…  and speaking of mysteries…  I am completely baffled by women.  (You thought I was going to mention my books, right?)  No sir, it is women that I find most puzzling.  Little things seem to annoy the ladies.  The other day I left the following note for my wife:  “Honey, someone from the Gyna Colleges called.  They said the Pabst beer is normal.  I thought you were a wine drinker?”   So, did the old girl thank me?  Nope!  She told me that I reminded her of her favorite flower.  (A bloomin’ idiot!)  No roses for her!  (My “two lips” are still swollen.)

I’m telling you folks, most women are riddles wrapped inside an enigma and covered with a Tootsie Roll.  Still, last night’s special occasion meal was wonderful.  I did drink a little too much, though.  This morning I tried to login to my iPad.  Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don’t own an iPad!  Who knew.

We finally finished the back book cover for RANSOM ON THE RHONE, so the book should be available in about two weeks.  I will keep you abreast of the situation.  Never mind,  you keep your breast.  I’ll let you know when the book hits the marketplace of ideas.  Until then, I would like to leave you with another idea…..

Marriage is like a deck of cards.  (Another poker analogy!)  How so?  Well, in the beginning all you need are two hearts and a diamond.  By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade!  Ouch!  (The old bat just punched me!)  The woman can’t take a joke.  (Although, in fairness, she did take me!)  On that pleasant and loving note, I shall take my leave of thee….   As my math teacher used to say, go forth and multiply!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S.  There is a photograph attached, and if you are the first person to identify the setting, you will win a free copy of THE SECOND MOURNING.  Good Luck!