DO YOU REMEMBER THIS LOVELY SONG?  It’s from the 1953 Broadway show KISMET.  Well, I can tell you one thing, it certainly feels strange to be a stranger in paradise, but I’m starting to get used to the life of a beach bum.  I am composing this blog on the magnificent island of St. John, one of the most beautiful isles in the Caribbean.  If you recall from my last missive, I am down here with my pirate crew scouting out film locations for MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  (Which actually takes place in the Bahamas, but what’s the difference?)  My fellow bucaneers and I have rented a luxurious villa high upon a hillside, overlooking Cruz Bay.  The villa is incredibly large, and amazingly, it came with 3 attractive female servants.  (Our wives!)  Ouch, my wife just punched me!  Jeez, I was only (half) joking.

I have not sold a huge amount of books this past week, but only because of spiritual concerns.  (I am consuming a great deal of spirits and concerned about making change!)  Nonetheless, the locals have become quite fond of me, and except for the old woman in the voodoo shop, I can honestly say that most folks have been very gracious to us.  (Considering how many of their chickens we have run over.)  Down here they let their kids roam freely.  (Kids meaning baby goats.)  They also have wild donkeys that take over the roads whenever they feel so inclined.  (I like to drive by them and yell, “Hey, get your dumb ass off the road!”)  Yeah, I am one funny guy.

Marie Fondue, the voodoo woman, told my friends that she’s making a doll for me.  (Or maybe that was “of me,” I’m not sure.)  In any case, it will be ready tomorrow, just in time for my birthday!  On top of everything else, tomorrow is my birthday, and how lucky I am to be spending it down here with some close friends!  I honestly couldn’t think of a better place to celebrate.  Every morning, Lee Bomblatus(the most famous snorkel guide in the western hemisphere) takes me to some remote location on the island and we spend the morning in the most impossibly clear water on earth.  Today we went to a spot called East End, on the very eastern tip of the island, and we snorkeled in what can only be described as the world’s largest aquarium!  I have never seen so many colorful fish in my life.  OMG, was it amazing.

Each morning Lee and I (and sometimes our compadres) drive to a different bay, and by tomorrow or the day after, we will have vistited just about every bay on St. John.  Even though I am a future Pulitzer Prize-winning author, I could never adequately describe how much ocean life we have seen on this trip.  I am happy to report that the coral reefs are in good shape, and teeming with all sorts of fish.  If you ever want to see what God can do when He’s in a good mood, just come down here and jump in the water.  Truly breathtaking.

I know that many of you (especially those abroad) are wondering what you can get me for my birthday.  Well, thanks for your kind thoughts, but I don’t need a thing.  (Although I am running a little low on limes)  If you want to do something nice, just keep spreading the word about THE PRESLEY PLOT and MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  After all, I am going to be in debt whence I return to the United States of America.  (Hey, good rum don’t come cheap, mon!)

Well, my loves, cool runnin’ and all that good stuff.  Remember, “don’t worry, be happy!”  Oggie boogie, shake that noogie!

Stephen “Rasta Mon” Yanoff