Boston bombing

April 28, 2013

LIFE IS STRANGER THAN FICTION!

STRANGER THAN NONFICTION, TOO!  Have you folks been following “the Presley plot?”  No, not my brilliant, best-selling novel, but the Ricin-laced letters that have been sent to President Obama and Senator Roger Wicker of Mississippi?  Whoa, talk about art imitating life!  The true (and thoroughly bizarre tale) took place in…..  Tupelo, Mississippi.  (The first major stop on my upcoming book tour!)  Get this….. one of the participants is an Elvis impersonator and the other worked in an insurance office!  (Do you think my book, THE PRESLEY PLOT, had a big influence on these clowns?)

The fellow that was first arrested (Paul Kevin Curtis) was apparently framed by a fellow impersonator (James Everett Dutschke) and was totally surprised when the F.B.I. showed up.  He thought he was being accused of sending “rice” in the mail!  (No joking.)  The poor guy had never heard of Ricin.  The feds arrested Curtis on some flimsy intelligence… First, he had an Uncle Ben.  Second, his girlfriend was pregnant when he married her, so the crowd threw “puffed rice” when they came out of the church.  Third, Curtis was a “kernel” in the Mississippi National Guard!  (My wife, Patty, wrote these last 3 jokes.  She knows a lot about rice.  You might say she’s a “rice Patty.”)

I will be in Tupelo for a book signing/speaking engagement on May 12th and 13th, so I will keep you informed of the case.   From there we head to Birmingham, Atlanta, Charleston, and then down to Boca Raton.  My wife’s cousin, the S.W.A.T. team guy, will be “house-sitting” while we’re gone.  I really like the guy, but he asked me if he could bring his “bitch.”  (His word, not mine.)  He travels with a Belgian Malinois, but I’m told he keeps her on a “tight leash” and that her bark is worse than her bite.  I’ve never met her, but I hear she’s a real dog.  Oh well, to each their own.

Hey, can somebody explain something to me?  Why do we bother to wash bath towels?  Aren’t we clean when we use them?  Just saying.

I have had a VERY busy week promoting my new book, MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  On Tuesday, I spoke in Giddings, Texas, a charming little town southeast of Austin.  My hosts were very nice, and they seemed to be impressed that I knew something about the history of their town.  (Which was built on part of the land granted to Stephen F. Austin in 1821 for a colony in Spanish, Texas!)  The population of Giddings is 5,105, but there are 19 churches in town, so as you can see, Lee County might be called “The Holy Land.”

On Thursday I had my very first interview by a New York magazine dedicated to reviewing newly published novels.  I spent a full hour on the telephone, chatting about this and that, and promoting THE PRESLEY PLOT and MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE.  Two months from now, a full-length book review will be available, and when I get it, I will post it on this blog.  The reporter will be reviewing the second book, which he seemed to like on the telephone.

Meanwhile…..  Miss Emily (the world’s best typist) is busy at work, typing my first nonfiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING.  Marketing will begin sometime in July or August, so keep your fingers crossed for me.  I began my final editing process for the third “Adam Gold Mystery” on Wednesday.  The book is called DEVIL’S COVE, and thanks to my art director, Rachel Zell, we came up with another wonderful book cover.  (Think of a mysterious-looking cove, engulfed in fog!)

Due to popular demand (from the bar staff)  I shall be returning to the poker tables starting today.  I will be playing in this evening’s poker tournament at the Waterloo Ice House, and again on Thursday evening at the “Bi-Monthly Cut-Throat, Don’t Even Try To Bluff Tourney” at Steiner Ranch.  Wish me luck!  (Did you know that poker was invented by sailors from New Orleans, Louisiana, in 1829?  They spread the game via riverboat, and the original version used a 20-card deck.)

I have been accused of not playing with a full deck, but as you know, I am much like the weather in Texas.  (No, not a “blow hard!”)  I refer to the fact that I am immune to criticism!  Hence, I shall now sign off, and prepare for tonight’s inevitable poker victory!  Have a wonderful week…..  Love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

April 21, 2013

ON THE ROAD… AGAIN!

Well, my friends, it’s been quite a week, not only for me, but also for the country at large.  Bravo to all my friends in Boston for a job well done… we should have sent the Boston Police after Osama bin Lardass, I mean, bin Laden.  Those Bostonites are the best!   I will never refer to them as “has-beans” again, and the next time the Red Sox play the Yankees I am going to root for…. Hey, I love those Bostonians, but I can’t root against New York!  My son-in-law’s family lives just north of Boston, so as you can imagine, we were all glued to the television set.  Naturally, our thoughts and prayers go out to all of the innocent victims.

And speaking of innocent victims, down here in Texas we had a terrible explosion in the small town of West, which is just north of Austin.  I drove through there the day after the fertilizer plant exploded, and just like in Boston, American heroes were all over the place, helping the wounded, saving lives, etc.  Two very sad events, but both made you proud to be an American.  You know why they’re called “first responders?”

Because they are truly ONE OF A KIND!

I drove up to Dallas this past weekend, and once I got there, I was reminded of another big loss to our collective greatness.  My life-long friend (and one of the finest women in Texas!) is named Miss Holley, and she was a close friend of Pat Summerall’s wife.  Mr. Summerall, as I’m sure you’ve heard, died last week and his funeral service was held on Saturday in “Big D.”  I never met the man, but I am sure going to miss his gentlemanly demeanor and his melodic voice.  Again, he was truly one of a kind.   John Madden delivered an eloquent eulogy, and from what I was told, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

On a lighter note, copies of MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE continue to fly off the shelves!  (To make room for books that sell!)  Just kidding, sales are going quite well, and some important reviews are pending.  I actually gave an impromptu talk to a group of college kids at a Sonic Dive-In last week.  I  ended up selling 10 copies of MURDER ON MAIDEN LANE and 3 copies of THE PRESLEY PLOT!  (Which is all I had in my trunk.)  I guess you could say that business was booming at the Sonic Drive-In.  (Now I know the meaning of a “sonic boom!”)  Next week, my publicist, Black Bart Berkowitz, has me booked at the local Dairy Queen.  I hope all of these ice cream stores appreciate my “good humor!”  (Otherwise, I may have a “melt down.”)

All right, enough with the ice cream jokes!  Tomorrow evening, I meet with my delightful typist, Miss Emily, and whence we meet, I will be giving her the final draft of my first non-fiction masterpiece, THE SECOND MOURNING.  More about this future Pulitzer Prized winner later.  The third “Adam Gold” mystery (DEVIL’S COVE)  is about to be sent to the publisher, so I will also keep you informed of that project.

Any more questions?  I thought not.  Well, it’s been a long day so I need a long neck to save me…..  I shall drink a cold beer to your good fortune, and if you get a chance, you do the same for me!  Love to all… and God Bless the U.S.A.!

Doc Yanoff