NO, I AM NOT READING THAT SEXUALLY PERVERSE BOOK! (I’m too old to learn anything about sex!) In fact, this is the title of my new book about senior centers down here in Florida. As many of you know, I have spent the past two weeks taking care of my mother, who is recovering (rather nicely) from hip replacement surgery. She is now in rehab and doing just fine. (At least two older gents have “hit on her.”) She told both gents that she no longer dates because her parents won’t let her. Mom is 88. When asked to explain, she told them, “Mother Nature and Father Time!”
My mother began rehab at Regents Park, which is quite lovely, but packed with very old folks. How old you ask? One lady had an insurance policy that covered Fire, Theft, and Indian Raids! (That’s old.) Another guy was so old that he remembered when Howard Johnson’s only had two flavors! (That’s even older!) My mother’s room-mate was so old that she remembered when there were only Five Commandments! (That’s the oldest joke of the bunch!)
Last Friday we transferred my mother to a place called Stratford Court, one of the nicest rehab facilities in Boca Raton. The lady that checked us in was from Haiti, and like most Haitians, she was a cheerful, sweet, and caring woman. We did, however, have one humorous incident involving our language differences. She was relatively new and not quite sure how to say or spell Boca Raton. We went through several names, and lots of good natured laughter, before we came to terms. (She wrote down Boca Chica, Boca Rouge, and my favorite, Boco Loco.) Nonetheless, we persevered and Mom was finally admitted. (By then I was ready to be committed!)
In case you’re wondering, THE GRACELAND GANG was the best-selling book at Regents Rehab, and THE PIRATE PATH the biggest seller at Stratford Court. (I actually donated 20 books to each gift shop, and incredibly, they sold out in one week!) Of course, I did do some marketing at both facilities. (I put one copy in every rest room, which one old lady told me was very appropriate. I’m not sure what she meant by that.) I also gave the staff some books, and they were very grateful. A copy of DEVIL’S COVE was sent to the insomnia care unit, and from what I hear, my writing put almost everyone to sleep. Gosh, my Mom was so proud of me.
Well, my stay in Boca Loca, I mean, Boca Raton, is coming to an end this morning. When I finish this blog, I will be leaving for Port Everglades, where my ship has finally come in and awaits my embarkation! I will be sailing aboard the brand new luxury vessel called the Royal Princess, bound for the remote and backward islands of St. Thomas, St. John, St. Martin, and St. Louis. (That last port should be interesting.) The weather here in Florida is sunny and warm and the seas look rather calm. (The rehab center probably dumped some Prozac in the ocean.) I am looking forward to a week of relaxation, poker, writing, and stealing those little bottles of shampoo that they give you each morning. You remember those bottles….. the ones you bring home and never use!
I shall write again whence we make landfall or are captured by a horde of considerate pirates….. Until then, I remain, (with love to all)
Doc Yanoff, Oceanic Explorer and Bon Vivant!