HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE TITLE OF A BEST-SELLING MYSTERY NOVEL!  (Well, actually, it is!)  However, I am presently on a different pirate path.  Greetings from Eleuthera!  The former home base of Captain Kidd!  The former island of Adam Gold!  The present island of yours truly.  Yep, here I am again, sailing through the lovely Caribbean in search of treasure.  (And tax deductions.)  Not only the former home of Captain Kidd (the “star” of THE PIRATE PATH) but also the favorite haunt of Prince Charles and the late Princess Diana.  (I have no idea why she was always late, but that’s what they call her.)

My present position is horizontal.  I mean, several hundred miles south of Ft. Lauderdale.  I am aboard the Royal Princess.  (and she feels great!)  Just kidding.  (That’s the name of the ship)  This is actually her maiden voyage.  (and there are plenty of maidens on this ship.)  Yesterday began with some sort of emergency drill, which I missed because I was napping.  (What can go wrong on a cruise ship?)

From past drills I remember that if you see someone fall overboard, you’re supposed to yell, “Man overboard!”  Unfortunately, there is no similar call for the ladies, so if they fall, well,  (fill in the blank!)  Another strange custom…. if someone falls overboard you’re supposed to throw them a buoy.  Not a girl.  A buoy.  Seems strange to me.

I spent the day snorkeling a “protected” coral reef which was teeming with fish.  (not steaming, teeming.)  The reefs down here are in marvelous condition, and the water clarity was simply amazing.  We saw a huge assortment of colorful creatures.  (a lot of fish, too.)  Did you know it was against the law to take underwater photographs of women in thongs?  Jeez, what’s up with that?  Anyway, today was sunny, hot, and one of the prettiest days I have ever seen in the Caribbean.

And tonight is lobster night!  Yep, we will be treated to all the crustaceans we can eat.  (They only charge for melted butter.)  After our feast, we hit the poker tables, where we will surely win a small fortune from these rubes.  (famous last words!)  We met a wonderful group of ladies on the beach this afternoon (from Dallas) and they invited me to speak to their book club which is traveling aboard our ship!  How cool.  I accepted their invitation and will let you know how it went later in the week.

Well, until we meet again, I must say farewell from spectacular Eleuthera, the pineapple capital of the Bahamas!  I shall drink a pina colada in your honor this evening!  Cheers….  and love to all…..

Doc Yanoff  (The Caribbean Kid)