Horace Greeley actually advised a western direction, but If I headed west, I would not be able to pick up my Gold Medal, recently awarded by the Florida Book Festival.  Hard to believe, but my history tome, THE SECOND MOURNING, won the award for “Best History Book of the Year.”  Due to my recent Caribbean cruise, book tour, and daily rum intoxication, I missed the awards ceremony, but…  all is not lost!  Now I get to return to the scene of the crime, so to speak, and receive my medal and a wheelbarrow full of cash.  (All right, maybe it’s a bucket full of cash.)

The ceremony was held during my stay on Antigua, so I had to miss the festivities. However, I can’t complain about being marooned on such a lovely Caribbean island.  Nevertheless, one must wonder…  Do bakers get “macarooned?”  Boy, that would be sweet.  (pun intended)

Lest you think me vain, I have two other reasons for heading back to the Sunshine State…  First, and most important, I shall be attending a gala birthday party for my beautiful mother, who is turning 90 in March.  Since I am her favorite, (surprise, surprise) I will be giving her a VERY generous gift…  two copies (autographed) of  THE SECOND MOURNING.  I usually give my mom a 10% discount, but this time the books will be free.  (Is it any wonder that I’m her favorite?)

In addition to our surprise party, I will also be visiting the Haitian Emanuel Baptist Church, where I am slated to receive a “certificate of appreciation” for donating several cases of my mystery novels.  This thoughtful award means a lot to me.  Both of my mother’s caregivers are originally from Haiti, and like most nurses, they are true angels.  In my humble opinion, every nurse is an angel, which is why most hospitals have “two wings!”

In case you’re wondering, the next “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled A RUN FOR THE MONEY, will be published in May or June, depending upon several factors.  (If I can avoid incarceration in Fort Lauderdale.)  Keep in mind that I will be in Florida during Spring Break, so there are no guarantees.  (Last year I got into a little jam while judging the wet T-shirt contest.  Who knew you weren’t supposed to take photographs?)

Incidentally, I just started a new book about sexual horseplay.  I’m not sure of the title, but I think I’m going with “50 SHADES OF HAY.”  I don’t want to give away the plot, but my characters try to “rein in their feelings” while dealing with “unbridled passion” for each other.  Look, I know these jokes are lousy, but there aren’t many good horse jokes, so don’t “nag me.”  (Yikes, that one was really bad!)

Hey, before I forget, congratulations to Miss Laura and her family.  (Joyous residents of Oklahoma.)  They recently received (via UPS) a brand new baby boy named Liam!  Back here in Texas, we are all delighted and thrilled, and we send our very best to all of you Sooners.  (and we hope to see you “sooner” than later!)

I wonder if it’s too early to send Liam a blog invitation?  Maybe I should wait until the lad is eating solid food.  (Then again, my jokes might make him nauseous!)

In closing, I shall leave you with immortal words of Dorothy Parker, the wise-cracking babe who invented Parker House Rolls.  (or not)   When asked to use the word “horticulture” in a sentence, she replied, “You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.”

Amen.

Well, my friends, be well and be safe.  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S.   If you are the first person to correctly identify the location of the attached photograph (s) you will win an autographed copy of my new book!  Good luck!