Getting to know all about you…   Remember those lyrics?  A wonderful song from “The King and I.”  (Which I thought was a musical about Elvis Presley!)  It was written by the team of Rogers and Hammerstein.  Who knew that Roy Rogers was so talented?  In any case, the good folks who inhabit the Leeward Islands will soon know me a lot better because I’m returning for another book tour/rum festival!  (The Leeward Islands are in the southern Caribbean, very close to the Backward Islands, but with a much smarter populace.)

Thanks to my recently-paroled publicist, Blind Lemon Lefkowitz, and the world’s best travel agent, Miss Lori “Let’s Rock” Randig, I shall be making landfall sometime in January, 2016.  I can’t wait to hit the beach, put the lime in de cocoanut, and swish it all around!  (One must be careful about too much swishing on the beach.)

The purpose of my highly-anticipated voyage is to lay the groundwork for a future appearance at several Caribbean book festivals.  I would like to set up a book table at the Antigua & Barbuda Literary Festival, the St. Lucia Lit Fest, and the Virgin Islands Book Fair on St. Croix.  These festivals attract thousands of visitors each year, and you can’t beat the atmosphere.  Lots of friendly faces and adoring fans, and superb beaches, too.  (I call it “Literature with a splash of lime!”)

This year’s itinerary will also include stops in San Juan, St. Bart’s, and St. Maarten.  I intend to pack plenty of books, plus a generous supply of sunscreen and Alka-Seltzer!

Speaking of delightful stops, I’d like to thank Judge Susan for dropping off a box of cheese pockets from Stein’s Bakery in Dallas.  (Yummy, yummy, in my tummy!)  Which reminds me, if you cut a petit fours in half, does it become a petit two?  Just asking.

Hey, since I mentioned Dallas, did you read about the American Airlines flight that was grounded by a hive of bees in one of the engines?  (No joke.)  If you didn’t, would you like to hear the latest “buzz?”  (Bad joke.)  The bees were very well groomed.  They all had “combs.”  (Worse joke.)  To keep them calm, the ground crew played music by…..  Sting!  (Worst one yet!)  Un-bee-lievable story, right?

By the way, I didn’t win the National Book Award, but believe it or not, I am about to be named in a paternity suit, I mean, another book contest!  I am not permitted to discuss the details until the winners have been officially announced, but I am a FINALIST, so keep your fingers and toes crossed for me.

Well, before I go, I would like to share a fascinating factoid.  Did you know that a whitetail deer can jump higher than the average house?  True fact.  This is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.  (Write that down. You’ll thank me when you get on a game show!)

Auf wiedersehen and wiener-schnitzel until we meet again.  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S.  Where perchance do you think this photo was taken?