Get eaten together! Well, just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, my wife decides to forgo our usual Thanksgiving turkey and serve turducken! What sort of person thought up this creature? I don’t know either, but we managed to sort things out in a pilgrim sort of way. I ate turkey, the wife and children got duck, and our guests got stuck with chicken. (That will teach them to come empty-handed!) I hear they are now selling a bird that is half turkey and half chicken. It’s called a turclucken! (I just made that up.)
In keeping with the true spirit of the season, my wife decided to have an “authentic” Thanksgiving feast this year. I had to wear a pilgrim costume and our guests were compelled to dress as Native Americans. Our Choctaw friends from Tupelo were amused, but I think they had certain “reservations” about wearing warpaint. (If you recall, one of my main characters in the “Adam Gold Mysteries” is a Choctaw Indian detective named Sally Ridge.) Sally plays a big part in THE GRACELAND GANG and again in DEVIL’S COVE.
Interestingly, our friends from Mississippi were not the only Indians at the feast. We also invited our new neighbors, Mr. & Mrs. Sandeep Singh. We had trouble finding their phone number, but you know what they say, “Sikh and ye shall find.” Anyway, they were happy to join the festivities, but they kept saying “namaste” instead of “how.” Incidentally, in case you’re wondering, turkey vindaloo is delicious.
On reflection, I suppose I shouldn’t complain about the turducken creature. My wife’s Arkansas relatives are very poor, and every year they’re forced to serve road kill. Fortunately, they found a good recipe, but they don’t know what to do with his bike. (Some days you just can’t “Schwinn.”)
I just read an interesting article that stated the obvious… most American women do not wish to engage in, how shall I put this, romantic entanglements after Thanksgiving dinner. If you guys need some help, I’ve found that the best way to convince a woman to have sex is to compliment her. You might say something like, “Wow, you’re a fast runner. You almost got away.”
Hey, do you think it’s weird that I forgot my twin brother’s birthday?
I’m not really a twin. (God forbid!) However, I recently read an incredible article in America’s most respected newspaper, The National Enquirer. A woman in Indiana had triplets, and then two weeks later, she had twins! (One of the triplets got lost.) Man, you can’t make this stuff up. (but I do!)
In closing, I would like to thank our distinguished guests for joining us this year. A special “thank you” to my dear old friends, Stanley and Molly Naftolin from Toronto, and to my brother-in-law, Tim McCloskey and his lovely fiancee, Miss Hannah. It was great seeing you folks again, and please feel free to keep the silverware! (It would be nice if you could just return the gravy bowl.)
Well, I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and now it’s onward and upward to Christmas and Hanukkah! Please start your holiday shopping early, and if you have ANY questions about my size, please feel free to contact me. (No ribald jokes, please!) Be well and have a productive week…. Love to all,