WELL, IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN…  Time to send my beloved mother a note of congratulations for giving birth to me.  Last year we took my mom to a gourmet luncheon at MacDonald’s, but since she had gained a few pounds, she got stuck between the arches.  Needless to say, it was NOT a “happy meal.”  This year we sent some Omaha steaks.  Well, actually it was ground beef, but I think she’ll like it.  Hey, you can’t eat flowers.  Is it any wonder that I’m her favorite un-incarcerated son?

Since we’re discussing “pick of the litter,” I am happy to report that the “dogs of war” have been returned to their rightful owners.  Yep, we finally got rid of Romy and Baker, the dynamic duo of dirty dogs that we were dog-sitting last week.  And not a moment too soon, I might add.  Romy, as you might recall, is a labradoodle puppy.  (i.e., a furry chewing and chomping machine.)  That mutt left her teeth marks on all of my furniture and some of my private parts, too!  (Let’s not go there.)  I LOVE dogs, but after 3 days with Romy, I did something awful.  (I tried to sell her on eBay.  Naturally, nobody bit…. except Romy.)  By the end of the week, I was searching for labradoodle recipes!  (Hey, isn’t that where the term “hot dog” comes from?)

Don’t worry, both dogs were returned unscathed.  (Which is more than I can say for my couch and crotch!)  In the end, I came away with a new appreciation and understanding of….. cats!  It may be a dog eat dog world, but from now on I’m sticking with felines!  (or clotheslines.)

I am also happy to report that copies of THE SECOND MOURNING are literally flying off the shelves.  (Especially in earthquake zones.)  If you purchase a copy and would like an autograph, just let me know, and we can work something out.  And please don’t forget to leave a nice review on Amazon.com when you’re finished reading… my mother will be very pleased.  (as well as my publisher.)

On a personal note or two, I would like to say “Happy Birthday” to my brother-in-law, Tim McCloskey.  (I’m not allowed to mention his age, but…..  he’s kind of old.  His first homeowner’s policy covered fire, theft, and Indian raids!  He remembers when Howard Johnson only had two flavors!  He was around when Burger King was a prince!  Well, you get the picture.)

I’d also like to thank Helena, Princess of Portugal (And her husband Viscount Lee) for another splendid feast, this one celebrating the release of THE SECOND MOURNING and the guest appearance of the lovely “Miss Julieta.”  Both were sweet, strong, and intoxicating!

In closing, I would like to remind you that you and yours are invited to join the fun at my upcoming Austin book signing and wet t-shirt contest.  (Just kidding about the t-shirt thing.)  The gala event will be held on Friday, June 6, at BookPeople on Lamar Blvd.  Show time is 7 p.m.  (The bookstore is right beside Whole Foods, which might be a good place to dine before the show begins.  They have lots of free parking.)  I hope to see you there!

Well, I must take my leave…  time to consume some biscuits and honey.  Remember not to take life too seriously.  (after all, it’s not like you’re getting out alive!)  Still, we should all make an effort to take care of our planet.  (Earth is the only place that has chocolate!)  Have a safe and wonderful week…..   Love to all….

Doc Yanoff