Tally ho, old chaps, we’re off to see the Queen!  (If I can find a reasonably priced airline ticket.)  I’ve reserved a suite in Downton Abbey just in case.  Well, it’s not actually a suite, but there’s plenty of hay in the room.  I have no problem with that.  I’ve always been a “stable guy.”  Hay, that was a pretty good joke!  You’re probably wondering what I’m babbling about, right?

Well, my darlings, the winners of the 2015 LONDON BOOK FESTIVAL were just posted online…..  and guess who won another award?  No, not Stephen King.  Me!  I know, I know, I’m simply in a class of my own.  (That actually started in third grade.)  Anyway, here are the juicy details…..

THE SECOND MOURNING was awarded the Bronze Medal for “Outstanding History Book of the Year” at the London festival last week.  First place went to a book about Galileo, the Italian astronaut.  (Make that, astronomer.)  Second place was given to a book about Leonardo da Vinci, the Italian guy who invented some sort of code.  Recognize a trend here?  I tried to convince the judges that President James Garfield was Sicilian, but they wouldn’t buy it.  Actually, since this festival was international in scope, I’m surprised I won anything.  I’m also VERY grateful.

My next book will be about “procrastination,” but I haven’t started it yet.

Incidentally, anybody know what language they speak in England?  I’d like to learn a few phrases.  (Mainly about using the privy.)

Speaking of foreign languages…..  The 2015 Annual Blog Reports were recently sent out, and we did quite well.  (Top 5% of all blogs in the nation!)  Most of our readers come from 72 different countries around the globe.  The top 3 countries this past year were:  1.  United States   2.  Brazil   3.  Italy     Surprisingly, we gained several followers in Iraq.  (This last time I went to Iraq, Iran!)  We also gained some new followers in Togo, Burundi, and Eritrea.  (I’m not positive, but I think that folks who live in Eritrea are called “Irretrievables.”)

Hey, did you see that there is a new company in Austin, Texas, that is offering customers a chance to reduce their hotel bills if they’re willing to share a room with a stranger?  (The company is called Jose Cuervo!)

Finally, for those of you who might find yourselves in the Caribbean in January and/or February, the first two book tour stops have been finalized by my brilliant and semi-conscious publicist, Blind Lemon Lefkowitz.  First stop will be at La Maison de la Press on St. Martin.  Second stop will be at Best of Books on the lovely island of Antigua.  Other stops to follow.  Time and dates t/b/a.

I was just listening to Ted Cruz on one of the television shows.  He adamantly denied having a Canadian passport, but swore he would get one if Trump won the nomination.  Hmmm.  Poor Bernie Sanders.  He keeps trying to take a “selfie” with his supporters, but he can’t figure out how to use his rotary phone.  Hmmm.

Well, I must depart at this juncture, as I need to check out the Austin-London flight connections.  I doubt I will actually go abroad, as I am pressed for time, and short of cash after the holidays.  If you folks have any extra money that you don’t need, please mail it to me in a brown envelope, and if you would, address it to the “Starving Authors Literary Slush Fund.”  Please remember….. it is better to give than receive.

I do hope you enjoyed today’s blog.  If so, it just proves that there is no accounting for taste.  Hey, who said that?  I think it was Jeffrey Dahmer.  Maybe Hannibal Lecter.  Hmmm.   (NOT to be confused with mmmm!)   Would somebody “flesh” that out for me?  Thank you.

Have a safe and happy week!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff