Well, football fans, are you ready for the big game?  If not, perhaps you’re feeling a bit “deflated” because of the cheating scandal.  Just remember the immortal words of Banzai Bernie Lipman (my Little League coach) who said:  “Remember, lads, anything worth winning, is worth cheating for.”  What a guy.  Hey, did you see that the NFL found a video of those deflated footballs alone in an elevator with Ray Rice?  Hmm, where’s there’s smoke, there’s Cheech and Chong.

Speaking of nonevents, what do you folks think about “The Blizzard of Oz,” a/k/a “The Blizzard That Never Was?”  Can you believe that they shut down N.Y.C. because of snow flurries?  I was expecting to see a lot more flakes in Manhattan.  (Too easy!)  Al Sharpton was the only person who was happy about the weather.  He got all excited when he heard there might be a “white-out.”

Can you believe that Sky Mall Magazine is going out of business?  Where the heck are passengers going to put their chewing gum?  I’m going to miss all those worthless and totally useless items, but thankfully we still have Sharper Image.  (and Congress!)

So what’s new on the book front?  (or the back cover)  Well, if you read my second mystery novel, THE PIRATE PATH, you know that it centered around the treasure of Captain Kidd.  Oddly enough, marine archaeologists recently located Blackbeard’s ship, “Queen Anne’s Revenge,” off the coast of North Carolina.  Last week, divers recovered a urethral syringe used to inject mercury for the treatment of syphilis.  (ouch!)  They also  brought up a clyster pump used to deliver medical enemas.  (double ouch!)  I feel sorry for those poor pirates.  They never knew if they were coming or going!

Since we’re on the subject of pirates, I might mention that my distinguished literary agent, Blind Lemon Berkowitz, has assured me that my 4th mystery novel (RANSOM ON THE RHONE) will soon be available to the general pubic.  I have complete trust and faith in the man.  After all, he comes from old money (he stole his grandmother’s Social Security checks) and he grew up in a gated community.  (Sing Sing)  What, me worry?

My spring book tour is being finalized and will be published shortly.  (In case you want to rob me while I’m gone.)  I am quite excited about our upcoming itinerary and most excited to be visiting some places that I have never been to.  (What’s a library?)  Anyway, I will keep you posted, just in case you want to attend one of the book signings or loan me money for gas.

I wish you all a merry week.  Be careful out there and keep in touch.  I will be rooting for the Dallas Cowboys to win the Super Bowl, but I don’t feel too confident about my team.  Well, as Yogi Bear once said, “Nobody goes there any more.  It’s too crowded.”  No, wait, that wasn’t it.  I meant to say “It ain’t over till it’s over.”   (Like this blog, thank God!)

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff