So, you might ask, what am I “driving” at?  Well, there I was, on my way to sunny south Florida to pick up my gold medal, recently awarded by the Florida Book Festival, when lo and behold, I receive an email from my publicist, (Blind Lenny Lefkowitz) stating that I won first place in the USA REGIONAL EXCELLENCE BOOK AWARDS!  Soooo….  I have to make a quick u-turn and head north to Washington, D.C.  But wait, this is not as easy as it sounds.  I happen to be flying on an airplane.  I was tempted to ask the pilot to drop me off somewhere over Virginia, but I decided against it.  (Oh, shoot, no parachute!)

Make a long story short, I came to lovely Boca Raton and spent a week charming the locals.  If you want to see the USA REGIONAL announcement, just go to their website.  By the way, they were very kind to me, and they described THE SECOND MOURNING thusly:  “The book truly captured the spirit of United States history and the excellence that this award was created to celebrate.”

Speaking of capturing spirits, my mother’s 90th birthday party was a HUGE success.  (Even though Mr. Trump was not present.)  Thanks to the efforts of Grace and Glenn Yanoff, the affair was held at the incredibly beautiful Addison Reserve Country Club, which went all out and presented an amazing seafood extravaganza of lobster, shrimp, mussels, clams, oysters, and crab legs.  (Yes, I arrived with rubber-lined pockets, and left with a couple of pounds of delicious lobster tails.  Unfortunately, the melted butter stained my pants.)  By the way, my new name at the club is “butter-butt.”

Hey, have you folks read the Sunday New York Times?  No, they didn’t mention me.  However, if you look in the Travel Section you will see an article called “36 Hours in Austin, Texas.”  The good folks in New York listed the best “things to do” in Austin, and one of those things was a visit to my daughter’s new clothing boutique, called COVE.  (The dang kid is getting more press than me!  What’s the story with that?)

Well, all is not lost.  I did get a short mention in the Boca Raton Gazette.  Some reporter was asking tourists if they knew the difference between an alligator and a crocodile.  When they made the mistake of asking me, I said, “It’s not that difficult to tell alligators and crocodiles apart.  One will see you later, and the other will see you in a while.”  The reporter (a young dude) had never heard that bad joke before, so he was quite amused, and once again, I made the front page.  (The paper has an impressive circulation, which is more than I can say for its elderly readers!)

Before I forget, the winner of last week’s trivia contest was….   Cormac McCarthy from West Texas.  Mr. McCarthy correctly identified the photo as Shell Beach, on the magnificent island of St. Barts.  I spent a lovely day on this beach, but was asked to leave after a minor misunderstanding.  (How did I know she was a minor?)  Just kidding.  Here’s what really happened…  Shell Beach is a nude beach and very French.  Some young lady was walking along the surf with an owl on each shoulder.  I told her that she had nice hooters.  (and the rest, as they say, is history!)

To show that there are no hard feelings, I will offer another autographed book to the first loyal blog follower that can correctly identify the location of the attached photograph.  (no cheating, whatever that means.)

Well, it’s time to check my scuba equipment for tomorrow’s big dive, so I will say farewell until we meet again. (I’m cleaning my mom’s pool in the morning.)  You folks take care and have a fantastic week….  By the way, do you know that I almost gave up diving?  (too much pressure!)     Love to all,

Doc Yanoff.

 

P.S.  The trivia contest photo is attached!  Good luck!