Well, as you might have guessed, my visit to France is back on the drawing board! Some of my esteemed blog followers probably know that my recent “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, DEAD ENDING, has been translated into French… just in time for me to plan a trip to Paris… and pick up my new literary award! Oui, mon ami, I am happy to report that DEAD ENDING has recently won the bronze medal (and several thousand euros) for “BEST MYSTERY NOVEL OF 2023” at the Paris Book Festival! For yours truly, this is the best thing to come out of France since french fries! (and maybe french toast)

And since we’re chatting about books….. Allow me to mention that I was honored to learn that one of our local Texas libraries (The Bee Cave Public Library in Lakeway) will now be featuring my new non-fiction history book, titled, GONE BEFORE GLORY (The Life and Tragic Death of William McKinley) on their “new best-sellers” shelf. If you live in the area, and want to read a fascinating account of our dear president, please stop by and check out the book. (Yes, you can actually check the book out!)

In the meantime, for all of you history buffs, or people who read history books in the buff, I’d like to share some exciting news with you… my next literary masterpiece, another history book, has just been purchased by long-time publisher and will be thrust upon an unsuspecting public sometime in the spring of 2024. The book is titled, WONDER OF THE WEST (The Adventurous Life of John Charles Fremont) and details the life and death of America’s most celebrated explorer. (Of the nineteenth century) Col. Fremont was the man who made “Manifest Destiny” a reality and discovered nearly everything (of value) west of the Mississippi River. (Including the conquest of California!)

The Fremont book is presently undergoing final editing, and I would like to mention that I have once again been lucky enough to employ the services of Sarah Welch, the owner of Inkdrop Lit in Austin, Texas. I know that quite a few of my blog followers write, so if you’re looking for a great editor, give Sarah a call and discuss your project with her. (She is VERY smart and can give you some great advice about publishing in today’s crazy market.) I’ve used Sarah for my last 4 books, and can attest to her ability.

Several of my loyal readers have inquired about my next book tour/rum inhaling adventure, and I am happy to report that I will be gracing the beaches of the deep southern Caribbean basin in February of 2024! So far, we have planned stops in Aruba, Bonaire, Curacao, and St. Lucia. I understand that 4 more islands are possible, so I will keep you informed of my whereabouts as soon as they are confirmed. (assuming my passport has not been confiscated by then!)

Finally, I would like to offer a belated “Thank You For Your Service” message to all of the many wonderful veterans out there in the blogosphere. (Including my own father and many uncles!) We all owe you a great deal of respect and admiration for your service to our country, and I for one, will always be grateful for your unselfish acts of patriotism. So…. HAPPY VETERANS DAY! (and thanks again!)

Well, my dear friends, it’s time to take my leave. However, I would like to wish you all an (early) “Best Wishes” for a Happy Thanksgiving. I am always thankful for what I receive. ((I’d be in trouble if I got what I deserved!) Last year we had a tearful Thanksgiving. (The turkey was so tender, it reached up and put its wings around me!) The trouble with Thanksgiving is that two weeks later, you’re hungry again. (By the way, I bet you’re thankful that I just ran out of Milton Berle jokes!!

Take care, keep smiling, and get stuffed! (gobble-gobble)

Doc Yanoff.

Well, I could be referring to the 1958 classic American film, but….. on this particular blog I am referring to the glorious weather we’ve been having down here in Austin, Texas. We have now had (are you sitting down?) 60 days of 100+ degree days! Yikes, talk about having a hot time in the old town tonight! So, you might be wondering, how hot has it been? (I’m glad you asked) Well, it’s been so hot that the fire ants have opened Kool-Aid stands! Yesterday I saw a scorpion with a canteen around its neck! The cows in Texas are now giving evaporated milk! The chickens have begun to lay hard-boiled eggs! (All right, no more heat jokes.)

Some of my loyal Canadian blog followers have recently inquired about my scheduled trip to Montreal, but I regret to inform you that our trip has been postponed due to the fires that continue to rage up north. We also have to delay our trip to the Sagamore Hotel on Lake George, as this was part of the same outing. Hopefully, once the fires have been put out, we can re-schedule our trip.

Readers of the New York Times or the Wall Street Journal might have seen a recent article about the 2023 NEW YORK BOOK FESTIVAL. I am, pleased to report that the judging has been finalized, and that my new “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, DEAD ENDING, won the bronze medal for “Best Mystery of 2023.” (I have attached a photo of the award, which can be found below.) In case you’re wondering about the huge cash award, well, I spent it on ice cubes for my waterbed! (I told you it’s been hot!)

I don’t mean to keep mentioning the heat, but you know it’s hot when Jehovah’s Witnesses start telemarketing!

Anyway, before I forget, I’d like to wish everyone a happy Labor Day. If you’re not from the United States, you might think it’s odd that we have a holiday honoring pregnancy. Did you know that a woman gives birth in the U.S. every thirty seconds? (Somebody should have a talk with this woman.) Speaking of sex, I think my wife has the wrong idea about “rough sex.” Every time I ask for sex, she says, rough. (Just saying)

Incidentally, thanks to the writer’s strike in L.A., my ongoing negotiations with Netflix have been put on hold. (We were discussing the possibility of make two movies, one about CAPONE ISLAND, and the other about DEAD ENDING.) Oh well, maybe the two sides will reach some kind of agreement before they put me in a home. Which reminds me, my uncle has lost all interest in s-e-x. His wife has threatened to send him to a penal colony! (Yikes, this is becoming an X-rated blog!)

Looks like Kevin Costner is leaving “Yellowstone.” He is supposedly making a new series about a park ranger with a weak bladder. They intend to call the show, “Yellowsnow.” (Urine in good hands with Costner directing!) All right, I think I’m on the “wrong tract.” Time to move on…..

God, the heat is definitely affecting the quality of my lame jokes. Even I’m not laughing!

In closing, I want to thank everyone who bought one of my books during the summer, as all of my royalties have been donated to the folks in Maui, who have lost everything and are suffering greatly. I appreciate your generosity and hope that all of my Hawaiian friends get back on their feet in the very near future.

As for me, I am off to another gala barbecue dinner. (Yeah, it’s still hot, but a man has to eat!) Tonight is a special occasion feast at Stiles Switch in Austin, which is one of the best barbecue joints in Texas. Brisket and ribs are on the menu, including their gigantic beef rib, which I have dubbed the “Fred Flintstone Special.” Wish me luck!

Take good care of yourselves, drink plenty of water, and keep smiling! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

Yeah, I know that’s Ted Turner’s nickname, but since he’s keeping a low profile I thought I might use it for the title of this blog post. Besides, I just got back from Atlanta, so I’ve still got “Georgia on my Mind!” I was in “The Big Peach,” as they often call Atlanta, as part of a summer book tour and grit-stuffing vacation. I’m happy to report that both went quite well. Atlanta has some remarkable restaurants, and the folks that live there were extremely friendly.

My summer hiatus began in late June, in the charming Hill Country town of Comfort. (The real name of the place, and just down the road from Welfare!) The wife and I were attending the wedding of my brother-in-law, Tim McCloskey, and his beautiful bride, Eileen Campbell. My two gorgeous grand-daughters, Goldie and Fiona, served as “flower girls,” and everyone had a marvelous time. (Although I had to bring a gift, which is always painful.)

After a great weekend in Comfort, we flew to the Florida Panhandle, where we spent a week at one of our favorite places, Rosemary Beach. Signing books in the sand is a little messy, but still great fun. (Young ladies in bikinis got a special autograph!) We stayed at the Pearl Hotel, which is a wonderful “boutique establishment” right on the beach. By happy coincidence, they also have one of the best restaurants and bars in town, a lovely spot called the Havana Beach Bar & Grill. (The barkeep makes a terrific Mojito!)

The only unanticipated excitement occurred at the “tail end” of my last snorkeling trip, when I inadvertently stepped over a small reef shark. (No joke) I think I might have frightened the poor creature, because he swam off rather quickly. (and so did I!) By sheer coincidence, divers spotted a 30-foot long whale shark the very next day, but as you may know, they are not considered harmful to humans. (unless you count heart attacks when you see one!)

Our next and final stop was in the “Holy City,” a/k/a Charleston, South Carolina. I was in town to have some more fun (what else is new) and to complete some research on the subject of my next history book, titled, WONDER OF THE WEST. The subject’s name is John C. Fremont (known as “The Pathfinder) and as you might know, he was raised and educated in Charleston.

Between mint juleps, we took a private tour of the Citadel, a military college that is ranked as the #1 public college in the South. It was very interesting and inspiring, and the campus is truly a work of art. Ted Turner is actually among their most generous benefactors, and as we learned, two of his sons have graduated from the college.

Back in town, we dined at some memorable restaurants, and I can heartily recommend 82 Queen and Fig, which are expensive and tasty. (Think small portions and big prices) We stayed at a really nice hotel called The Dewberry, which I can also recommend. All in all, Charleston is a great place to visit, and if you like American history, you can’t find a better place to tour. (Fort Sumter will be one of your most memorable stops, but don’t forget to bring a hat and some sunscreen.) And a mint julep.

In closing, I would like to share some exciting news with you….. my latest “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, DEAD ENDING, has recently been selected as a FINALIST in the 2023 NEW YORK BOOK FESTIVAL! (In the category of “general fiction.”) The Gold, Silver, and Bronze awards will be announced shortly, so keep your fingers crossed for me.

Well, due to our continuing heat wave (we have now had over 30 days of 100+ degree temperatures) I must go take another shower. God, has it been hot down here. Yesterday I opened all the windows and took off all of my clothes. (The other people on the bus were shocked!) What can I say, some folks are very modest. If you’ll scroll down, you will find some photographs of my recent adventures.

Until we meet again, stay cool, drink plenty of water, a few mint juleps, and smile!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

Greetings from lovely (and expensive) Maui, Hawaii! And since I am now fluent in island languages, allow me to add, Maika’i e Kama ‘Ilio You Me ‘oe. (Which in English, means, “Nice to speak with you again.) Well, as you might have guessed, I just returned from our charming 50th state, and I’m happy to report that all is well in paradise. On this outing, I was compelled to take along ALL of my precious grand-children, as this was my wife’s birthday wish. Hence, I traveled across the wide Pacific Ocean and spent a lengthy (and expensive) week on the northern shore of Maui. (Where a simple Mai Tai now costs $30… plus tip!) No wonder it took so long for Hawaii to join the United States, they couldn’t afford the airfare to Washington, D.C.!

In any case, we had a marvelous vacation and I spent a great deal of time in the water…. first in the ocean, then in the kiddie pool, and then being drenched with water guns! (You gotta love those grand-children.) Our flights coming and going were perfect, but I was a little disappointed by the weak airport greeting in Maui. I was hoping that some gorgeous island beauty would offer me a lei, but that did not happen. (No lei jokes, please. This is a family blog!)

The food in Hawaii is rather fresh (and expensive) but quite good if you like fish. Almost every day we consumed vast portions of Mahi-Mahi and tons of macadamia nuts. I was lucky enough to meet a bikini-clad bartender who made a great Mai Tai, so the grandkids became quite tolerable early in the afternoon. Between soakings, we toured the island and I was able to sneak in some wonderful snorkeling. I’m happy to report that the reefs were in great shape and teeming with fish. (I don’t know which team they were on, but they sure were colorful.) Generally speaking, you’ll see butterfish, yellow tang, parrotfish, and sea turtles at every stop. If you’re lucky (or maybe unlucky) you’ll also run into a couple of whitetip reef sharks, which are harmless. (Unless they’ve had a couple of Mai Tai cocktails.)

It’s great to be back in Texas, but my timing is less than perfect. As some of you probably know, we are experiencing a heat wave. (Which feels more like a tsunami!) Every day is 104… 105… 106, etc. It’s so darn hot down here that the fire ants are crawling around with water bottles on their tiny little hips. (For the sake of complete transparency, I must admit that I am not in Austin right now. We came down to Port Aransas yesterday, and our weather is delightful. The Texas coast is the place to be this week.)

If you’re contemplating a trip to Hawaii, you might want to consider staying in Lahaina, which is on the northwest end of Maui. I loved our location, which overlooked the islands of Lana’i and Moloka’i. The sunsets, as you might imagine, are simply stunning. (I try to avoid sunrise at all costs!) Of course, with the grand-children in tow, sleep becomes rather challenging. Still, I managed to find a hidden hammock here and there.

In case you’re wondering, I did do some “book business” while lounging around the beach and the pool. Not only did I gather some new, unsuspecting blog followers, but I also stocked the resort library with some of my books! One charming woman spent 3 or 4 days reading my newest mystery, DEAD ENDING, and she seemed to be enjoying the book. (I didn’t see her gag or regurgitate, so she must enjoy my writing. Right?)

Well, my dear friends, it is time to hit the beach down here in Port A, so allow me to wish you a safe and happy week. Stay cool, drink plenty of water, and avoid those darn (and expensive) Mai Tai concoctions! Until we meet again, I shall say, Aloha and LooneytooneyMaui. (By the way, if you scroll down you can see some of my photographs.) Love to all,

Doc “The Big Kahuna” Yanoff

“Dead Ending” by Stephen G. Yanoff

Not to be confused with Dallas, Texas, which is where I am composing this (semi) humorous blog. (Despite the writer’s strike out in La-La Land.) I traveled up yonder for a book signing and cocktail party, and all went well until I was driving back to my hotel. I got pulled over by a female police officer who told me that I was staggering. Apparently I told her that she was also cute. Good thing I ducked. Which reminds me, never order duck at a cocktail party. (You might get stuck with the bill!) Was that a “foul” joke?

I was actually quite sober this past weekend, as I have begun my spring health initiative. Believe it or not, I’ve actually begun to exercise. My doctor told me that walking on a treadmill could add years to my life. The old boy was right. (I feel ten years older already!) Nevertheless, I intend to stick with the program until I lose ten pounds or forget where I put my sneakers.

As you might remember, I recently mailed in my 2022 Tax Return, and I’m proud to report that the I.R.S. has nominated my return for a “Creative Embellishment Award” under the outstanding fiction category. The award comes with a pen that has a lifetime guarantee. (It’s called Sing-Sing!) I don’t care. If I go to prison, I’ll just write a soap opera. Would you like to hear a couple of “bars?” (Hey, there aren’t many good jail jokes.) Anyway, my lawyer, Shifty Sakowitz, says I have nothing to fear. Supposedly, they don’t put many Jewish people in jail. (Because they eat lox. Get it, locks?) God, these jokes are awful!

For those of you who do not read the “society column,” I’d like to mention that our gala birthday dinner (held in honor of Baron Lee and his lovely paramour, the Princess of Portugal) was a smashing success. (meaning that most of the guests were smashed!) We were joined by Mr. Ron Balderach, a prominent and talented architect/builder from San Marcos, and his charming and witty wife, Countess Terri. (We mingle with a lot of royalty, but we still weren’t invited to the recent coronation. Go figure.) I didn’t watch the proceedings, but I did toast Charlie with a couple of glasses of Royal Crown, which was fitting.

Incidentally, the Baron and Princess will soon be off to Scandinavia, but I’m not the wee bit jealous. I will soon be heading for the IKEA store in Round Rock, which is almost the same thing. Maybe better. After all, they don’t have Round Rock Donuts in Norway or Sweden. (I checked) I do hope they have fun. The last time I travelled to that part of the world, I met a great Dane. (No dog jokes, please!) We were also served grilled reindeer in Finland, but I didn’t “Finnish” my meal. (The antlers got stuck in my throat.)

Sales of my new mystery novel, DEAD ENDING, have been marvelous, and so have the reviews. (especially the ones that I wrote.) Those pesky folks from Netflix are anxious to get their greedy little hands on my books, but I don’t expect to hear from them until the Hollywood writer’s strike ends. (Hopefully, the strike will last a couple of years, but I’m not overly optimistic.) In case you’re wondering how much I value the Hollywood connection, and especially television, I would refer you to Newton Minow, recently departed, who was once the Chairman of the Federal Communications Commission. Mr. Minow (who was little fish in a big pond, or shall I say, sewer) was the fellow who describe television as a “vast wasteland.” Amen, Newt.

Some folks have inquired about my next outing, which will be in the lovely month of June. My budget-conscious publicist, Marvin “Wrong-Way” Rabinowitz, has arranged for me and my entourage to spend a week or so in Maui, Hawaii. I’ve been there before (at my youngest daughter’s wedding!) and fell madly in love with the place, so I am quite anxious to dip my toes in the Pacific Ocean again. I will be doing some book stuff, consuming a vast amount of Mai Tai cocktails, and swimming, so I expect to return tan and relaxed. (unless we encounter some volcano trouble, in which case, I shall return red and stiff!)

I inadvertently forgot to include some photographs of the Mayan Dude Ranch last week, so if you scroll down, you will find some photos of the cute little cowgirls that we shared a cabin with. (My grand-daughters, who we now refer to as “Galloping Goldie” and “Fearless Fiona.”)

Here’s hoping that you have a joyous and fun-filled week! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

A “TAXING” TIME OF YEAR!

Yikes, it’s that time of year again! Time to get super-creative and fill out my tax forms. Talk about interesting works of fiction! I hope the INFERNAL REVENUE SERVICE appreciates all of the effort that I put into the tax deduction page. (They’ve never questioned any of my 32 children before, so I think I’m good to go for another year.) In any case, spring has sprung down here in Texas, and I’d like to take a moment to wish all of my loyal blog followers a wonderful holiday season. I hope you had an excellent EASTER, pleasant PASSOVER, or reverent Ramadan.

During this special time in spring, I usually like to make one or two meaningful sacrifices, but I couldn’t find any willing virgins this year and there are no more Aztec Indians living in our neighborhood. Sooooo…. I decided to make a personal sacrifice. I’ve made up my mind not to drink any more alcohol unless I’m alone or with somebody else. Believe it or not, I’ve been sober for 23 days. (Not in a row, since the start of the year.) I see little hope for me, but perhaps I’m being too hard on myself.

We just returned from our annual pilgrimage to the Mayan Dude Ranch in Bandera, Texas. (I knew I’d work in some Indians somehow!) Bandera, as you might know, is the self-proclaimed “Cowboy Capital of Texas.” This year we took BOTH of our granddaughters, Galloping Goldie and Fearless Fiona, and they were mighty cute cowgirls. They love to ride horses, and this part of the Hill Country is especially beautiful during the spring wildflower bloom.

Cowgirl Kellie runs the place, and she does a marvelous job providing lots of good food and entertainment.

Last year, the ranch featured a bareback rider, but the poor lad got a terrible sunburn as he was riding around bareback. (I offered to buy him a shirt… and I even told him a good joke…. “Do you think cowboy clothing is the same thing as ranch dressing?) He didn’t think that was funny either. This year the featured performer was THE world champion roper, who was supposed to do two shows, but he got tied up. (I got that joke from Don “Knotts!”) Ouch.

In addition to the fine entertainment, we took a couple of hayrides across some rugged rattlesnake-infested terrain and participated in an authentic cowboy breakfast. Interestingly, they served beans at every meal, which meant that you could never stand down-wind of any of the young children. (or most of the grownups!) Now I know why there is so much natural gas in the Lone Star State.

Speaking of natural gas….. I will be making a return engagement at the Lakeway Mens’ Breakfast Club on May 24th, and this year’s sermon will be on my brand new mystery novel, titled, DEAD ENDING. My disquisitions are usually well attended, so if you’re planning to come, purchase your tickets early! (You can send me $500 dollars or just show up, since there is no door charge and the event is absolutely free. Entirely up to you.)

Incidentally, DEAD ENDING (the new Adam Gold mystery) is now available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Kindle, and leading bookstores across the country. (and in certain parts of Arkansas.)

The book has already received several rave reviews. (from crazy people) The NYT also gave the book five stars and called it “one of the more readable and clever mysteries of the year.” In their brief synopsis, (which I now will steal) they wrote……. “In this exciting new mystery, Adam Gold, America’s foremost insurance investigator, is forced to match wits with a psychotic antiques dealer who claims to own two priceless Alamo artifacts — Davy Crockett’s rifle and the sword of Colonel William B. Travis. An action-packed investigation leads to a nerve-wracking confrontation with the Mexican Mafia and MS-13, before a memorable climax on the “Highway to Hell,” which runs through the infamous killing fields of South Texas.”

For those of you who have been patiently waiting, I will include a photograph of the book’s front cover, which was designed by one of the leading graphic artists in Texas. More on the book to follow, but for now, I hope you enjoy Gold’s latest adventure. (Details on the Netflix possibility next week!) Until then, be safe and have a wonderful week. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

Well, I told you had too much rum during my last voyage! I plum forgot to include the photographs I took down in the lovely Caribbean islands! If you scroll down, you will see some picturesque photos of St. Vincent (the island, not the saint) and St. Kitts. Better late than never! (There are no nude shots, so don’t get your hopes up!)

AHOY, ye landlubbers! Avast mateys! Shiver my timbers, and so on! You adventurous literary pirate has finally returned to port (after drinking plenty of it!) after a lengthy Caribbean voyage fraught with peril. I can attest that the briny deep was filled with booty (and some shoes, too) and still holds some great treasure. My shipmates and I consumed plenty of Grog during our travels, and I can also attest that this rum drink definitely makes you groggy. (And a little foggy, too!)

I was sailing with my lassie (who is no dog) and a group of scallywags from the northern climes. During our hazy voyage we dropped anchor (mostly in the water) at such ports as St. Kitts, Nevis, St. Vincent, Bequia, and St. Barts. Each port was lovely and the water and weather were perfect. We must have done some laundry during the trip because our captain said we were frequently “three sheets to the wind.”

Between our rum-soaked picnics I managed to conduct a few book signings and was overjoyed to learn that old Adam Gold is quite popular amongst the island literati. (Not to be confused with the island illiterates who were reading James Patterson’s books.)

On the island of Nevis, a remarkable jewel nestled in the northern end of the Lesser Antilles, (Not to be confused with my Aunt Tillie) I ran into a fascinating woman (covered in parrot tattoos!) who owned the one and only bookstore on the island, and guess what? Aye, me bucko, she had two copies of my last mystery novel, titled, CAPONE ISLAND! Well, sir, right then and there I says to myself, “Captain Steve, thar ain’t nuthin lesser about this place!”

The dear lady was quite charming, and if she had more teeth, I would have asked her to lunch. (even though she might have been a hooker at one time in life.) How do I know that? Well, she kept saying, “Yo Ho Ho!” She also had a tattoo of a sperm whale on her thigh. (There’s a clue for you.) One last clue, she was dating a character she referred to as an “old seaman.” If you ask me, she was referring to his testosterone level. Just saying.

After our voyage, we had the great pleasure of attending my nephew’s wedding, which was held at the gorgeous Mizner Country Club. The bride and groom (Melani and Jonathan) made a spectacular couple, and we welcome aboard the newest rendition of Mr. and Mrs. Yanoff. Mazel tov, my sweet mates!

And now for a brief literary update…. my prestigious publisher is feverishly working on the front cover of my soon-to-be-released mystery masterpiece, titled, DEAD ENDING. The book should be released in late March or early April, so save up your shekels for another great read.

Alas, it’s time for my daily nap. After a week of drinking grog, I am still groggy! And a little foggy! Also, I have not fully recovered from two weeks of swimming and snorkeling, which can sap a pirate of his strength if he’s not careful. (Of course, I never got too worn out to stare at those semi-clad French babes on St. Barts!) Yes, dear friends, the life of a (semi) famous author is never easy!

Take good care of yourselves, and we shall chat again soon. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

MERRY CHRISTMAS… HAPPY HANUKKAH… AND KINDLY KWANZAA! Did I forget anybody? Oh yeah, those damn atheists. Well, they can go to hell. On second thought, they can’t. (They don’t believe in heaven or hell) One of my neighbors claims to be an atheist. I asked him if he really was an atheist and he said, “I swear to God.” (Go figure.) In any case, anyone who doesn’t believe in hell should have been in Texas last week. OMG, was it cold! (I saw a chicken crossing the street with its capon!) Get it, “cape on?” Man, that was really a “fowl” joke. But it was cold for a few days. I actually had to get my mother-in-law, I mean, my wife’s mink coat, out of storage. Fortunately, the temperature will be in the seventies by the end of this week. (I’m already in my seventies!)

Naturally the temperature dropped to freezing just long enough to break two of my pool pipes, but that’s the cost of living in paradise. (It’s also the reason I’m a little late with this post) Of course, I’ve also been celebrating a little too much, but I’m beginning to think that tequila might be a worthy substitute for hot chicken soup. My wife enjoyed our family get-together, but she wasn’t thrilled with the gifts I bought her. She told me she needed a little “pick me up,” so I got her a vacuum cleaner. Her response? “You got me a Hoover? Damn.” Get it, “Hoover Dam?” I just can’t “hold back” these bad jokes.

As some of you may have read in my last newsletter, my overpaid literary agent, Swifty Saperstein, arranged for me to fly into a rather volatile war zone to receive a prominent writing award. I was tempted to go, even though the entire place was filled with violent criminals and gun-toting lunatics. However, after careful consideration (my insurance company refused to increase the limits of my life insurance policy) I decided to stay home and visit New York City at a later date. (Ten to twenty years from now) Still, I would like to thank the judges of “The New York City Big Book Awards” for choosing my new history book, titled, GONE BEFORE GLORY, as one of the best history books of 2022.

For those of you who have absolutely nothing to look forward to, cheer up, my new “Adam Gold Mystery,” which is titled, DEAD ENDING, is at the publisher and should be available across the free world sometime in March of 2023. I’m not permitted to divulge the plot, but I think you’re going to love this story. I’ve gotten a couple of “pre-publication reviews” and they were raving about the book. (They weren’t crazy, but they did rave quite a bit) You don’t have to be crazy to love my books, but it does help.

February is shaping up to be a rather interesting month, as I am once again scheduled to do several book signings and a lecture or two down in the Caribbean Basin. According to Swifty, my first stop is St. Barts, which is always a fun place to visit. (Except for the fact that most folks speak French.) I do not speak French, but I do know how to French Kiss which is infinitely more important. When I tried to “French Kiss” my wife, she slapped me! (She told me that she didn’t like my tongue-in-cheek attitude!) Which reminds me, they’re making another “Jaws” movie. This one is about an old shark. (It’s called, “GUMS!”) That jokes bites.

If you will take the time to scroll down, you will see some photographs of my recent trip to Normandy, France. Not to be too heavy, but it was the sacrifice of these incredibly brave Americans that won the war for the good guys and made everything possible for our generation. God bless each and every one of them, and as Tiny Tim said in “A Christmas Carol,” God bless us all… we are sooooooo lucky to live the good old U.S.A.

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff (P.S. I must be getting uglier in my old age. This holiday season my wife hung me up and kissed the mistletoe!)