Well, me buckos, when last we spoke yours truly was sailing through the Lesser Antilles. (Not to be confused with my Aunt Tilly, who was recently on a diet.) Our second week aboard the lovely ship Grandeur of the Seas began with a drill. We were told to report to our muster stations, but I thought the announcer said “mustard station,” so I went to the kitchen. Nobody was there, so I went outside where one of the officers was explaining that if we saw someone fall overboard we were supposed to shout, “Man overboard!” I think if a woman falls overboard you’re supposed to keep quiet, but I’m not sure about that.

In any case, our next stop was Grenada, which was a lovely surprise. The island is lush (like me from time to time) and the residents quite friendly. We anchored at St. Georges and then Patty and I were driven to a fantastic beach resort called Silversands. (The resort has a 330 foot long swimming pool and a 700 foot beach on Grand Anse Beach!) The highlight of the day (and night!) was the 3 pound Caribbean lobster they served (grilled) for lunch. OMG, what a feast.

The next port of call was Castries, St. Lucia, which I have been to a number of times, but still enjoy quite a bit. After a day at Cane Gardens Beach Club, we drove into town and made some book store stops to sign copies of my last Adam Gold Mystery, titled, DEAD ENDING. While we were on the island, one of my old admirers, an exotic dancer named Ima Willing, offered to buy me some new clothes! (at least I think that’s why she was trying to reach me. She said something about a paternity suit.)

By the way, do you know the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.

Next stop was Gustavia, St. Barts, where we attended an annual parade celebrating the creation of “French kissing,” and then we hopped aboard a catamaran and sailed around the island for a swim at Colombier Beach, located on the northwestern part of the island. Bathing suits were optional, but since the crew was French I decided to keep my suit on. (Hey, I’m not judging. Just saying.)

Final stop was one of my favorites, Road Town, Tortola. Nice port and we were able to sail over to Virgin Gorda for a swim at the Baths. (The Baths are a collection of massive granite boulders that are piled up along a lovely sandy beach.) The boulders are now part of a National Park, and a lot of sailors drop anchor in nearby Devil’s Bay to watch the tourists hit their heads on the low-hanging rocks that are everywhere! (My head is still bruised!)

All in all, it was another fabulous adventure, and the best part (as always) was making new friends and spreading the word about my books. Our next (officially booked) tour will be in April, when we visit most of the canyons out west and then make a guest appearance in Scottsdale and Las Vegas. I’m really looking forward to that trip, as I truly believe the our country is still the most beautiful on earth. Which reminds me, for those of you that have inquired, our trip to the Middle East has been postponed. As you might know, my new agent, Myron Putz, tried to arrange an extended trip to that region. We were supposed to tour Cairo, but that place sphinx. Then it was off to a place called Guitar, but there were too many strings attached. Finally, we were supposed to visit Dubai and Abu Dhabi. (Do you know the difference between those places? People from Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but… people from Abu Dhabi do!) Ouch!

Well, my dear friends, on that note I shall take my leave. Today is Patty’s birthday and I promised to buy her some rings. Consequently, we are off to Hooters to buy some onion rings. (Hey, you can’t eat a diamond!) Take care and have a great week,

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

WELL… Thanks to my industrious literary publicist, Myron “Meshuggana” Moskowitz, I recently completed an 11-day Caribbean cruise/book signing tour, and I am happy to report that all went well. Myron was good enough to book us on a lovely new ship (owned and operated by Regent Cruises), which was called the S.S. Grandeur. (Based upon the age of my fellow cruisers, the “S.S.” might stand for Social Security!) Still, we met a lot of fantastic folks and made plenty of new friends. Our ship was really expensive. (Stowaways were charged three thousand dollars!) One day we passed a tramp steamer. (I thought the ladies looked swell, but my wife wouldn’t let me talk to them!) In any case, we had a great time and nobody got seasick. (When you get seasickness the first day you think you’re going to die, and the second day you’re afraid you won’t!)

Our first port of call was Aruba. We docked in Oranjestad and were then transported to a remote island to do some snorkeling. The conditions were decent, but it was a little windy, so we spent a lot of time telling whoppers on the catamaran. (While consuming a fair quantity of good rum.) Aruba has a Dutch heritage, so it has some interesting architectural features. (but no dikes) Nowadays, the place is a haven for tourists from the U.S., who are instantly recognizable by their sunburns.

Day two found us in picturesque Willeamstad, the capital city of Curacao. You might associate this lovely island with the multi-colored homes that line the pier. On this special day, we were invited to join two of our fabulous shipmates (Edgar and Julie Berner) for a day of sun and fun at the Marriott Resort Hotel, a beautiful place with a great beach. (The water was the warmest of the entire voyage, and great for all sorts of swimming activities.) We got to know Edgar (a highly successful clothing retailer in San Diego) and his charming wife, Julie, and they quickly became our new best friends aboard ship. Edgar is something of a legend in California, and I might insert him in my next Adam Gold Mystery. (If he comes across with the necessary funds!)

The third day was spent in Kralendijk, the capital city of Bonaire, which has to be one of the great snorkeling spots on earth. Most of us dive-types went out to Klein Bonaire, a small island off the mainland, known for its crystal clear waters and abundant sea-life. (Bonaire also has a Dutch influence, and is quite pretty in its own right.)

I shall, with your permission, cover the remaining islands next week. However, I should mention that almost everyone we met (on all of the islands) were exceedingly friendly and gracious. A little respect for the locals goes a long way toward assuring a pleasant visit, and mixed with the proper amount of rum, you will be assured of a memorable day. (or night!) Now, lest I forget, I would like to mention that my last book presentation (sponsored by the Lakeway Women’s Association) was a tremendous success, and I made a lot of new friends, and sold a ton of books. (I spoke about my new Adam Gold book, titled, DEAD ENDING.) What a fabulous group of ladies! I would like to thank Judith Baer, Rosie Rabin, and the rest of this fine group for arranging a very enjoyable day. I look forward to our next meeting!

Incidentally, my next history masterpiece, titled, WONDER OF THE WEST, is now at the publisher and is undergoing some final alterations and editing. Hopefully, this monumental task will be completed by the end of March, so be prepared for another thrilling block-buster! (This one deals with John Charles Fremont, the American “pathfinder,” who led a remarkable life during the 1800’s.) I shall, as they say, keep you apprised of my progress, or lack thereof.

By the way, if you’re interested in a great cruise voyage, you should check out the S.S. Grandeur. This was really a classy vessel. (The smokestacks had filter tips!) Each passenger got their own life-preserver, and I ended up with a cherry-flavored one. I’d tell you a couple of more terrible boat-jokes, but I’m feeling a little “dinghy!” All right, time to abandon ship…..

Have a marvelous week and keep smiling….. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

  Should old acquaintance really be forgot? Well, I say it depends on the old acquaintance. Let’s face it, some people are worth forgetting. Like my former accountant/massager Harry “Sticky Fingers” Fishbaum, who advised me to open my own bank in the Bahamas. (He only dated bank tellers, because he practiced “safe sex.”) I knew I was in trouble when Harry asked if I knew anything about plea bargaining. The old rascal was famous for his accounts deceivable, if you catch my drift. The poor guy end up in a fancy tax shelter — Leavenworth!

  Anyway, I hope y’all had a Happy Hanukkah or a Merry Christmas, and got plenty of wonderful gifts. Our best gift this year was the arrival of our fifth grand-child, Luke Barlin. (aka, Burping Barlin.) I might start calling him Cool Hand Luke, but “Leaking Luke” would probably be more appropriate… if you know what I mean!

  For those of you who enjoy following my illustrious literary career, please note that my new non-fiction masterpiece, WONDER OF THE WEST, will be hitting the bookstores in late March or early April of 2024. If this one doesn’t win the Pulitzer Prize, then there is no justice, and I want my bribe money back. Hey, it’s money well spent. Besides, as my grandpa used to say, anything worth winning is worth cheating for.

  Speaking of prizes, my literary lecture at the Lakeway Women’s Club has been re-scheduled for Wednesday, January 24, 2024. If you’re in the area, drop by and pick up an autographed copy of my new “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, DEAD ENDING. (A recent winner at the Paris Book Festival.) This tale is set in Texas, which you will find quite interesting… and somewhat amusing!)

  So, have you made any New Year Resolutions? (In South America they make New Year Revolutions!) Did you know that the practice of making resolutions began with the Babylonians as early as 2600 B.C.? 

  I don’t know why baby lonians were allowed to stay up so late. You’d think the adults would have handled this chore. In any case, some will use this day for turning over a new leaf. (For me, it would be more like a new tree!) However, this year I intend to be more generous and allow my wife to have some much-needed facial surgery. (My wife mentioned a face-lift, but I told her that there was probably another one just like it underneath!) Instead of a face-lift, wouldn’t it be easier to just lower her body? Just saying.

  Well, as you can imagine, my wife is now searching for some ammunition, so I must hide, I mean, take my leave. I do hope that everyone has a healthy and happy New Year, and I look forward to chatting with you in 2024. (assuming I find a good place to hide.) If you’re not too busy, you can scroll down and take a look at some photographs from 2023. 

  Love to all……

  Doc Yanoff

Well, as you might have guessed, my visit to France is back on the drawing board! Some of my esteemed blog followers probably know that my recent “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, DEAD ENDING, has been translated into French… just in time for me to plan a trip to Paris… and pick up my new literary award! Oui, mon ami, I am happy to report that DEAD ENDING has recently won the bronze medal (and several thousand euros) for “BEST MYSTERY NOVEL OF 2023” at the Paris Book Festival! For yours truly, this is the best thing to come out of France since french fries! (and maybe french toast)

And since we’re chatting about books….. Allow me to mention that I was honored to learn that one of our local Texas libraries (The Bee Cave Public Library in Lakeway) will now be featuring my new non-fiction history book, titled, GONE BEFORE GLORY (The Life and Tragic Death of William McKinley) on their “new best-sellers” shelf. If you live in the area, and want to read a fascinating account of our dear president, please stop by and check out the book. (Yes, you can actually check the book out!)

In the meantime, for all of you history buffs, or people who read history books in the buff, I’d like to share some exciting news with you… my next literary masterpiece, another history book, has just been purchased by long-time publisher and will be thrust upon an unsuspecting public sometime in the spring of 2024. The book is titled, WONDER OF THE WEST (The Adventurous Life of John Charles Fremont) and details the life and death of America’s most celebrated explorer. (Of the nineteenth century) Col. Fremont was the man who made “Manifest Destiny” a reality and discovered nearly everything (of value) west of the Mississippi River. (Including the conquest of California!)

The Fremont book is presently undergoing final editing, and I would like to mention that I have once again been lucky enough to employ the services of Sarah Welch, the owner of Inkdrop Lit in Austin, Texas. I know that quite a few of my blog followers write, so if you’re looking for a great editor, give Sarah a call and discuss your project with her. (She is VERY smart and can give you some great advice about publishing in today’s crazy market.) I’ve used Sarah for my last 4 books, and can attest to her ability.

Several of my loyal readers have inquired about my next book tour/rum inhaling adventure, and I am happy to report that I will be gracing the beaches of the deep southern Caribbean basin in February of 2024! So far, we have planned stops in Aruba, Bonaire, Curacao, and St. Lucia. I understand that 4 more islands are possible, so I will keep you informed of my whereabouts as soon as they are confirmed. (assuming my passport has not been confiscated by then!)

Finally, I would like to offer a belated “Thank You For Your Service” message to all of the many wonderful veterans out there in the blogosphere. (Including my own father and many uncles!) We all owe you a great deal of respect and admiration for your service to our country, and I for one, will always be grateful for your unselfish acts of patriotism. So…. HAPPY VETERANS DAY! (and thanks again!)

Well, my dear friends, it’s time to take my leave. However, I would like to wish you all an (early) “Best Wishes” for a Happy Thanksgiving. I am always thankful for what I receive. ((I’d be in trouble if I got what I deserved!) Last year we had a tearful Thanksgiving. (The turkey was so tender, it reached up and put its wings around me!) The trouble with Thanksgiving is that two weeks later, you’re hungry again. (By the way, I bet you’re thankful that I just ran out of Milton Berle jokes!!

Take care, keep smiling, and get stuffed! (gobble-gobble)

Doc Yanoff.

Well, I could be referring to the 1958 classic American film, but….. on this particular blog I am referring to the glorious weather we’ve been having down here in Austin, Texas. We have now had (are you sitting down?) 60 days of 100+ degree days! Yikes, talk about having a hot time in the old town tonight! So, you might be wondering, how hot has it been? (I’m glad you asked) Well, it’s been so hot that the fire ants have opened Kool-Aid stands! Yesterday I saw a scorpion with a canteen around its neck! The cows in Texas are now giving evaporated milk! The chickens have begun to lay hard-boiled eggs! (All right, no more heat jokes.)

Some of my loyal Canadian blog followers have recently inquired about my scheduled trip to Montreal, but I regret to inform you that our trip has been postponed due to the fires that continue to rage up north. We also have to delay our trip to the Sagamore Hotel on Lake George, as this was part of the same outing. Hopefully, once the fires have been put out, we can re-schedule our trip.

Readers of the New York Times or the Wall Street Journal might have seen a recent article about the 2023 NEW YORK BOOK FESTIVAL. I am, pleased to report that the judging has been finalized, and that my new “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, DEAD ENDING, won the bronze medal for “Best Mystery of 2023.” (I have attached a photo of the award, which can be found below.) In case you’re wondering about the huge cash award, well, I spent it on ice cubes for my waterbed! (I told you it’s been hot!)

I don’t mean to keep mentioning the heat, but you know it’s hot when Jehovah’s Witnesses start telemarketing!

Anyway, before I forget, I’d like to wish everyone a happy Labor Day. If you’re not from the United States, you might think it’s odd that we have a holiday honoring pregnancy. Did you know that a woman gives birth in the U.S. every thirty seconds? (Somebody should have a talk with this woman.) Speaking of sex, I think my wife has the wrong idea about “rough sex.” Every time I ask for sex, she says, rough. (Just saying)

Incidentally, thanks to the writer’s strike in L.A., my ongoing negotiations with Netflix have been put on hold. (We were discussing the possibility of make two movies, one about CAPONE ISLAND, and the other about DEAD ENDING.) Oh well, maybe the two sides will reach some kind of agreement before they put me in a home. Which reminds me, my uncle has lost all interest in s-e-x. His wife has threatened to send him to a penal colony! (Yikes, this is becoming an X-rated blog!)

Looks like Kevin Costner is leaving “Yellowstone.” He is supposedly making a new series about a park ranger with a weak bladder. They intend to call the show, “Yellowsnow.” (Urine in good hands with Costner directing!) All right, I think I’m on the “wrong tract.” Time to move on…..

God, the heat is definitely affecting the quality of my lame jokes. Even I’m not laughing!

In closing, I want to thank everyone who bought one of my books during the summer, as all of my royalties have been donated to the folks in Maui, who have lost everything and are suffering greatly. I appreciate your generosity and hope that all of my Hawaiian friends get back on their feet in the very near future.

As for me, I am off to another gala barbecue dinner. (Yeah, it’s still hot, but a man has to eat!) Tonight is a special occasion feast at Stiles Switch in Austin, which is one of the best barbecue joints in Texas. Brisket and ribs are on the menu, including their gigantic beef rib, which I have dubbed the “Fred Flintstone Special.” Wish me luck!

Take good care of yourselves, drink plenty of water, and keep smiling! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

Yeah, I know that’s Ted Turner’s nickname, but since he’s keeping a low profile I thought I might use it for the title of this blog post. Besides, I just got back from Atlanta, so I’ve still got “Georgia on my Mind!” I was in “The Big Peach,” as they often call Atlanta, as part of a summer book tour and grit-stuffing vacation. I’m happy to report that both went quite well. Atlanta has some remarkable restaurants, and the folks that live there were extremely friendly.

My summer hiatus began in late June, in the charming Hill Country town of Comfort. (The real name of the place, and just down the road from Welfare!) The wife and I were attending the wedding of my brother-in-law, Tim McCloskey, and his beautiful bride, Eileen Campbell. My two gorgeous grand-daughters, Goldie and Fiona, served as “flower girls,” and everyone had a marvelous time. (Although I had to bring a gift, which is always painful.)

After a great weekend in Comfort, we flew to the Florida Panhandle, where we spent a week at one of our favorite places, Rosemary Beach. Signing books in the sand is a little messy, but still great fun. (Young ladies in bikinis got a special autograph!) We stayed at the Pearl Hotel, which is a wonderful “boutique establishment” right on the beach. By happy coincidence, they also have one of the best restaurants and bars in town, a lovely spot called the Havana Beach Bar & Grill. (The barkeep makes a terrific Mojito!)

The only unanticipated excitement occurred at the “tail end” of my last snorkeling trip, when I inadvertently stepped over a small reef shark. (No joke) I think I might have frightened the poor creature, because he swam off rather quickly. (and so did I!) By sheer coincidence, divers spotted a 30-foot long whale shark the very next day, but as you may know, they are not considered harmful to humans. (unless you count heart attacks when you see one!)

Our next and final stop was in the “Holy City,” a/k/a Charleston, South Carolina. I was in town to have some more fun (what else is new) and to complete some research on the subject of my next history book, titled, WONDER OF THE WEST. The subject’s name is John C. Fremont (known as “The Pathfinder) and as you might know, he was raised and educated in Charleston.

Between mint juleps, we took a private tour of the Citadel, a military college that is ranked as the #1 public college in the South. It was very interesting and inspiring, and the campus is truly a work of art. Ted Turner is actually among their most generous benefactors, and as we learned, two of his sons have graduated from the college.

Back in town, we dined at some memorable restaurants, and I can heartily recommend 82 Queen and Fig, which are expensive and tasty. (Think small portions and big prices) We stayed at a really nice hotel called The Dewberry, which I can also recommend. All in all, Charleston is a great place to visit, and if you like American history, you can’t find a better place to tour. (Fort Sumter will be one of your most memorable stops, but don’t forget to bring a hat and some sunscreen.) And a mint julep.

In closing, I would like to share some exciting news with you….. my latest “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, DEAD ENDING, has recently been selected as a FINALIST in the 2023 NEW YORK BOOK FESTIVAL! (In the category of “general fiction.”) The Gold, Silver, and Bronze awards will be announced shortly, so keep your fingers crossed for me.

Well, due to our continuing heat wave (we have now had over 30 days of 100+ degree temperatures) I must go take another shower. God, has it been hot down here. Yesterday I opened all the windows and took off all of my clothes. (The other people on the bus were shocked!) What can I say, some folks are very modest. If you’ll scroll down, you will find some photographs of my recent adventures.

Until we meet again, stay cool, drink plenty of water, a few mint juleps, and smile!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

Greetings from lovely (and expensive) Maui, Hawaii! And since I am now fluent in island languages, allow me to add, Maika’i e Kama ‘Ilio You Me ‘oe. (Which in English, means, “Nice to speak with you again.) Well, as you might have guessed, I just returned from our charming 50th state, and I’m happy to report that all is well in paradise. On this outing, I was compelled to take along ALL of my precious grand-children, as this was my wife’s birthday wish. Hence, I traveled across the wide Pacific Ocean and spent a lengthy (and expensive) week on the northern shore of Maui. (Where a simple Mai Tai now costs $30… plus tip!) No wonder it took so long for Hawaii to join the United States, they couldn’t afford the airfare to Washington, D.C.!

In any case, we had a marvelous vacation and I spent a great deal of time in the water…. first in the ocean, then in the kiddie pool, and then being drenched with water guns! (You gotta love those grand-children.) Our flights coming and going were perfect, but I was a little disappointed by the weak airport greeting in Maui. I was hoping that some gorgeous island beauty would offer me a lei, but that did not happen. (No lei jokes, please. This is a family blog!)

The food in Hawaii is rather fresh (and expensive) but quite good if you like fish. Almost every day we consumed vast portions of Mahi-Mahi and tons of macadamia nuts. I was lucky enough to meet a bikini-clad bartender who made a great Mai Tai, so the grandkids became quite tolerable early in the afternoon. Between soakings, we toured the island and I was able to sneak in some wonderful snorkeling. I’m happy to report that the reefs were in great shape and teeming with fish. (I don’t know which team they were on, but they sure were colorful.) Generally speaking, you’ll see butterfish, yellow tang, parrotfish, and sea turtles at every stop. If you’re lucky (or maybe unlucky) you’ll also run into a couple of whitetip reef sharks, which are harmless. (Unless they’ve had a couple of Mai Tai cocktails.)

It’s great to be back in Texas, but my timing is less than perfect. As some of you probably know, we are experiencing a heat wave. (Which feels more like a tsunami!) Every day is 104… 105… 106, etc. It’s so darn hot down here that the fire ants are crawling around with water bottles on their tiny little hips. (For the sake of complete transparency, I must admit that I am not in Austin right now. We came down to Port Aransas yesterday, and our weather is delightful. The Texas coast is the place to be this week.)

If you’re contemplating a trip to Hawaii, you might want to consider staying in Lahaina, which is on the northwest end of Maui. I loved our location, which overlooked the islands of Lana’i and Moloka’i. The sunsets, as you might imagine, are simply stunning. (I try to avoid sunrise at all costs!) Of course, with the grand-children in tow, sleep becomes rather challenging. Still, I managed to find a hidden hammock here and there.

In case you’re wondering, I did do some “book business” while lounging around the beach and the pool. Not only did I gather some new, unsuspecting blog followers, but I also stocked the resort library with some of my books! One charming woman spent 3 or 4 days reading my newest mystery, DEAD ENDING, and she seemed to be enjoying the book. (I didn’t see her gag or regurgitate, so she must enjoy my writing. Right?)

Well, my dear friends, it is time to hit the beach down here in Port A, so allow me to wish you a safe and happy week. Stay cool, drink plenty of water, and avoid those darn (and expensive) Mai Tai concoctions! Until we meet again, I shall say, Aloha and LooneytooneyMaui. (By the way, if you scroll down you can see some of my photographs.) Love to all,

Doc “The Big Kahuna” Yanoff

“Dead Ending” by Stephen G. Yanoff

Not to be confused with Dallas, Texas, which is where I am composing this (semi) humorous blog. (Despite the writer’s strike out in La-La Land.) I traveled up yonder for a book signing and cocktail party, and all went well until I was driving back to my hotel. I got pulled over by a female police officer who told me that I was staggering. Apparently I told her that she was also cute. Good thing I ducked. Which reminds me, never order duck at a cocktail party. (You might get stuck with the bill!) Was that a “foul” joke?

I was actually quite sober this past weekend, as I have begun my spring health initiative. Believe it or not, I’ve actually begun to exercise. My doctor told me that walking on a treadmill could add years to my life. The old boy was right. (I feel ten years older already!) Nevertheless, I intend to stick with the program until I lose ten pounds or forget where I put my sneakers.

As you might remember, I recently mailed in my 2022 Tax Return, and I’m proud to report that the I.R.S. has nominated my return for a “Creative Embellishment Award” under the outstanding fiction category. The award comes with a pen that has a lifetime guarantee. (It’s called Sing-Sing!) I don’t care. If I go to prison, I’ll just write a soap opera. Would you like to hear a couple of “bars?” (Hey, there aren’t many good jail jokes.) Anyway, my lawyer, Shifty Sakowitz, says I have nothing to fear. Supposedly, they don’t put many Jewish people in jail. (Because they eat lox. Get it, locks?) God, these jokes are awful!

For those of you who do not read the “society column,” I’d like to mention that our gala birthday dinner (held in honor of Baron Lee and his lovely paramour, the Princess of Portugal) was a smashing success. (meaning that most of the guests were smashed!) We were joined by Mr. Ron Balderach, a prominent and talented architect/builder from San Marcos, and his charming and witty wife, Countess Terri. (We mingle with a lot of royalty, but we still weren’t invited to the recent coronation. Go figure.) I didn’t watch the proceedings, but I did toast Charlie with a couple of glasses of Royal Crown, which was fitting.

Incidentally, the Baron and Princess will soon be off to Scandinavia, but I’m not the wee bit jealous. I will soon be heading for the IKEA store in Round Rock, which is almost the same thing. Maybe better. After all, they don’t have Round Rock Donuts in Norway or Sweden. (I checked) I do hope they have fun. The last time I travelled to that part of the world, I met a great Dane. (No dog jokes, please!) We were also served grilled reindeer in Finland, but I didn’t “Finnish” my meal. (The antlers got stuck in my throat.)

Sales of my new mystery novel, DEAD ENDING, have been marvelous, and so have the reviews. (especially the ones that I wrote.) Those pesky folks from Netflix are anxious to get their greedy little hands on my books, but I don’t expect to hear from them until the Hollywood writer’s strike ends. (Hopefully, the strike will last a couple of years, but I’m not overly optimistic.) In case you’re wondering how much I value the Hollywood connection, and especially television, I would refer you to Newton Minow, recently departed, who was once the Chairman of the Federal Communications Commission. Mr. Minow (who was little fish in a big pond, or shall I say, sewer) was the fellow who describe television as a “vast wasteland.” Amen, Newt.

Some folks have inquired about my next outing, which will be in the lovely month of June. My budget-conscious publicist, Marvin “Wrong-Way” Rabinowitz, has arranged for me and my entourage to spend a week or so in Maui, Hawaii. I’ve been there before (at my youngest daughter’s wedding!) and fell madly in love with the place, so I am quite anxious to dip my toes in the Pacific Ocean again. I will be doing some book stuff, consuming a vast amount of Mai Tai cocktails, and swimming, so I expect to return tan and relaxed. (unless we encounter some volcano trouble, in which case, I shall return red and stiff!)

I inadvertently forgot to include some photographs of the Mayan Dude Ranch last week, so if you scroll down, you will find some photos of the cute little cowgirls that we shared a cabin with. (My grand-daughters, who we now refer to as “Galloping Goldie” and “Fearless Fiona.”)

Here’s hoping that you have a joyous and fun-filled week! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

A “TAXING” TIME OF YEAR!

Yikes, it’s that time of year again! Time to get super-creative and fill out my tax forms. Talk about interesting works of fiction! I hope the INFERNAL REVENUE SERVICE appreciates all of the effort that I put into the tax deduction page. (They’ve never questioned any of my 32 children before, so I think I’m good to go for another year.) In any case, spring has sprung down here in Texas, and I’d like to take a moment to wish all of my loyal blog followers a wonderful holiday season. I hope you had an excellent EASTER, pleasant PASSOVER, or reverent Ramadan.

During this special time in spring, I usually like to make one or two meaningful sacrifices, but I couldn’t find any willing virgins this year and there are no more Aztec Indians living in our neighborhood. Sooooo…. I decided to make a personal sacrifice. I’ve made up my mind not to drink any more alcohol unless I’m alone or with somebody else. Believe it or not, I’ve been sober for 23 days. (Not in a row, since the start of the year.) I see little hope for me, but perhaps I’m being too hard on myself.

We just returned from our annual pilgrimage to the Mayan Dude Ranch in Bandera, Texas. (I knew I’d work in some Indians somehow!) Bandera, as you might know, is the self-proclaimed “Cowboy Capital of Texas.” This year we took BOTH of our granddaughters, Galloping Goldie and Fearless Fiona, and they were mighty cute cowgirls. They love to ride horses, and this part of the Hill Country is especially beautiful during the spring wildflower bloom.

Cowgirl Kellie runs the place, and she does a marvelous job providing lots of good food and entertainment.

Last year, the ranch featured a bareback rider, but the poor lad got a terrible sunburn as he was riding around bareback. (I offered to buy him a shirt… and I even told him a good joke…. “Do you think cowboy clothing is the same thing as ranch dressing?) He didn’t think that was funny either. This year the featured performer was THE world champion roper, who was supposed to do two shows, but he got tied up. (I got that joke from Don “Knotts!”) Ouch.

In addition to the fine entertainment, we took a couple of hayrides across some rugged rattlesnake-infested terrain and participated in an authentic cowboy breakfast. Interestingly, they served beans at every meal, which meant that you could never stand down-wind of any of the young children. (or most of the grownups!) Now I know why there is so much natural gas in the Lone Star State.

Speaking of natural gas….. I will be making a return engagement at the Lakeway Mens’ Breakfast Club on May 24th, and this year’s sermon will be on my brand new mystery novel, titled, DEAD ENDING. My disquisitions are usually well attended, so if you’re planning to come, purchase your tickets early! (You can send me $500 dollars or just show up, since there is no door charge and the event is absolutely free. Entirely up to you.)

Incidentally, DEAD ENDING (the new Adam Gold mystery) is now available on Amazon.com, Barnesandnoble.com, Kindle, and leading bookstores across the country. (and in certain parts of Arkansas.)

The book has already received several rave reviews. (from crazy people) The NYT also gave the book five stars and called it “one of the more readable and clever mysteries of the year.” In their brief synopsis, (which I now will steal) they wrote……. “In this exciting new mystery, Adam Gold, America’s foremost insurance investigator, is forced to match wits with a psychotic antiques dealer who claims to own two priceless Alamo artifacts — Davy Crockett’s rifle and the sword of Colonel William B. Travis. An action-packed investigation leads to a nerve-wracking confrontation with the Mexican Mafia and MS-13, before a memorable climax on the “Highway to Hell,” which runs through the infamous killing fields of South Texas.”

For those of you who have been patiently waiting, I will include a photograph of the book’s front cover, which was designed by one of the leading graphic artists in Texas. More on the book to follow, but for now, I hope you enjoy Gold’s latest adventure. (Details on the Netflix possibility next week!) Until then, be safe and have a wonderful week. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff