AHOY, ye landlubbers! Avast mateys! Shiver my timbers, and so on! You adventurous literary pirate has finally returned to port (after drinking plenty of it!) after a lengthy Caribbean voyage fraught with peril. I can attest that the briny deep was filled with booty (and some shoes, too) and still holds some great treasure. My shipmates and I consumed plenty of Grog during our travels, and I can also attest that this rum drink definitely makes you groggy. (And a little foggy, too!)

I was sailing with my lassie (who is no dog) and a group of scallywags from the northern climes. During our hazy voyage we dropped anchor (mostly in the water) at such ports as St. Kitts, Nevis, St. Vincent, Bequia, and St. Barts. Each port was lovely and the water and weather were perfect. We must have done some laundry during the trip because our captain said we were frequently “three sheets to the wind.”

Between our rum-soaked picnics I managed to conduct a few book signings and was overjoyed to learn that old Adam Gold is quite popular amongst the island literati. (Not to be confused with the island illiterates who were reading James Patterson’s books.)

On the island of Nevis, a remarkable jewel nestled in the northern end of the Lesser Antilles, (Not to be confused with my Aunt Tillie) I ran into a fascinating woman (covered in parrot tattoos!) who owned the one and only bookstore on the island, and guess what? Aye, me bucko, she had two copies of my last mystery novel, titled, CAPONE ISLAND! Well, sir, right then and there I says to myself, “Captain Steve, thar ain’t nuthin lesser about this place!”

The dear lady was quite charming, and if she had more teeth, I would have asked her to lunch. (even though she might have been a hooker at one time in life.) How do I know that? Well, she kept saying, “Yo Ho Ho!” She also had a tattoo of a sperm whale on her thigh. (There’s a clue for you.) One last clue, she was dating a character she referred to as an “old seaman.” If you ask me, she was referring to his testosterone level. Just saying.

After our voyage, we had the great pleasure of attending my nephew’s wedding, which was held at the gorgeous Mizner Country Club. The bride and groom (Melani and Jonathan) made a spectacular couple, and we welcome aboard the newest rendition of Mr. and Mrs. Yanoff. Mazel tov, my sweet mates!

And now for a brief literary update…. my prestigious publisher is feverishly working on the front cover of my soon-to-be-released mystery masterpiece, titled, DEAD ENDING. The book should be released in late March or early April, so save up your shekels for another great read.

Alas, it’s time for my daily nap. After a week of drinking grog, I am still groggy! And a little foggy! Also, I have not fully recovered from two weeks of swimming and snorkeling, which can sap a pirate of his strength if he’s not careful. (Of course, I never got too worn out to stare at those semi-clad French babes on St. Barts!) Yes, dear friends, the life of a (semi) famous author is never easy!

Take good care of yourselves, and we shall chat again soon. Love to all,

Doc Yanoff