Well, here we are, in the port of Patmos, Greece, a UNESCO World Heritage Site best known as the sacred island where St. John (one of the Apostles) became rather depressed and wrote the Book of Revelation.  (Which includes the rather dreary tale of the Apocalypse.)  Bummer, dude.  Who wants to read about the end of the world when you’re lying on a sun bed and sipping wine?  Patmos is so pretty, an ideal place for nature lovers or just plain lovers.  Poor John must have spent too much time in his cave, because this place is truly one of the loveliest Aegean islands.

Our sailing vessel dropped anchor near the Grotto of St. John, which is where the Apostle heard the voice of God and then spent the next 16 months in a simple cave.  (Where he did some writing)  Being something of a writer, I trekked up the mountain to visit the famous cave, and perhaps receive some divine inspiration.  There was no inspiration, but plenty of perspiration.  Jeez, what a schlep!  No wonder John was so miserable.  (I was hoping that one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would give me a lift, but they must have been on their lunch break.)  Notice how there’s never a demon around when you need one?

Anyway, the cave was rather awesome, and certainly one of the most interesting sites on the island.  Continuing upward (if you’re in good shape) you will find the massive Monastery of St. John the Theologian.  Here you will see the charming chapel of Christodoulos, which is elaborately decorated with frescoes, (NOT Fresca!), and breathtaking displays of jeweled chalices, crowns, crucifixes, vestments, and old manuscripts.  Below the chapel, you will find the 300-year-old Simandris House, and some wonderful spots to grab a glass of wine while perched upon sheer cliff.  (There are lots of sheer cliffs on Patmos, but no Montgomery Cliffs.)

After our morning stroll, we rented a vehicle and drove to a lovely beach called Kampos Beach, which is a great spot to soak up some sun and continue ruining your liver.  Here you can rent a sun bed and umbrella, and when your body craves food and drink, you can walk to George’s Taverna at the end of the beach.  Do not miss eating at this particular place.  They serve a legendary assortment of pies, the vegetable kind, all homemade!  They also have a great selection of traditional Greek wines.

Before you head to the Greek islands, you should take a look at one of the many wonderful travel books that explain how things work in this part of the world.  (For instance, ferry schedules are classified as “works of fiction!”)  Or, if you’re so inclined, or even vertical, you can read about the Battle of Armageddon.  (Which mentions the New England Patriots.)  In any case, please remember that knowledge is power, and that cleanliness is next to Godliness.  (Especially within the confines of a small cave!)

I’m starting to ramble, so I must be hungry.  Before I leave, allow me to remind you that we are getting closer and closer to the day you’ve all been waiting for.  (No, I haven’t been subpoenaed by a Congressional committee!)  I’m referring to the publication of CAPONE ISLAND, the next book in the never-ending saga of Adam Gold.  As of now, we are looking at an April or May date, but I shall keep you informed of any changes.  (If I were you, I’d stay close to home.)

Well, dear friends, have a safe and sexy week.  I look forward to our next meeting and a lively blog post about…..  Santorini!

Until then, Iove to all,

Doc Yanoff