Make that Hawaii 2.0  (As in part two of my ongoing wedding saga!)  On today’s blog I shall further elucidate the “Royal Wedding” that was recently held on the lovely island of Maui.  Why?  Because half of my 65,000 blog followers are apparently of the female persuasion, and chicks demand details!  (and some more photographs!)  Fine with me.  If I have to cut my literary cloth to suit the latest fashion, then so be it!  (anything to sell more books!)

Incidentally, how many of you folks remember the original HAWAII FIVE-0 television program?  If you recall, Steve McGarrett (Jack Lord) loved to apprehend criminals by telling one of his officers to…  “Book ’em, Danno!”  Well, oddly enough, the poor fellow that checked us into the Four Seasons Resort was named Danno.  Every time one of our wedding guests checked-in I told him, “Book ’em a room, Danno!”  (He was semi-amused the first ten times I used that line.  I think.)  In any case, the original television show began in 1968, which was 50 years ago.  (The age of many of my jokes!)

As I said last week, the Four Seasons Resort is a swell joint.  Very classy.  For example, take their bathroom products.  (I took all of them!)  The lotions and oils were from France!  I think they were High-Octane, but that might have been L’Occitane.  (Which might be the French word for gasoline.  Who knows.)  The soaps and shampoo were from Bulgaria!  (Which was mis-spelled on the label.  The label read Bulgari, leaving off the letter “a”)  Even the dang towels were high-toned, and they folded into my suitcase very neatly.

Having absolutely nothing to complain about, but wanting to find something to kvetch about, I stormed up to the front desk and told Danno that I had a problem with the beach.  Specifically, (or should I say, Pacifically) I told him that the water was very salty.  He said he couldn’t do anything about the salinity level of the ocean.  (Not the answer I wanted to hear!)  Then I complained about the beach itself.  I told Danno that it was quite sandy.  He muttered something about me being a “son of a beach,” or something like that, so I dropped the matter.

Nevertheless, I did enjoy the Four Seasons, and I do miss that lovely tropical weather.  Austin is very hot right now, and next week the temperatures are predicted to be well over 100 degrees each day!  Thus, as you can see, we also have four seasons down here in Texas:   Early summer, mid-summer, late summer, and NEXT SUMMER!  By the way, did you know that you can tell how hot it is by listening to a cricket?  (No joke)  In 1897, physicist Amos Dolbear discovered a link between temperature and how often crickets chirp.

Here’s the simplified version of “Dolbear’s Law”:   Count the number of times a cricket chirps in 15 seconds, then add 40 to the chirp total to arrive at the approximate temperature in degrees Fahrenheit.  Believe it or not, this actually works!  (I hope I’m not “bugging” you with this information.)

Moving on, my next adventure will be a short trip to South Florida.  I shall be visiting my dear, sweet mother and taking some final notes on Capone Island.  (Which is also the title of the next Adam Gold mystery.)  The island, currently known as Deerfield State Park, plays a prominent role in the next book, so I must get the details right.  Later in August I will be taking an amazing trip across the Adriatic and Mediterranean, but more about that next week!  (First I must straighten things out with Interpol.  They’re so picky about passport violations!)

Well, as promised to my female followers, I shall now attempt to post some previously unseen photographs of my daughter’s recent wedding.  Hopefully you will enjoy viewing them, and perhaps you might consider sending me some money so that I can avoid personal bankruptcy.  (Cash only, no checks)  I wish you all a great upcoming week, and I look forward to our next rendezvous!

Aloha & love,

Doc Yanoff