November | 2016 | Books By Stephen G. Yanoff

How could I have lost the presidential election? How? I was sure that my blog followers would push me over the top. (Many have tried this before!) Now I have to disband my political organization, the L.E.T.S. Party. (Leave Everything To Steve Party.) Maybe the public was unaware of my record. (I had a long record, but only two convictions.) Who knows. As they say, there is no accounting for taste. I shall simply console myself with the knowledge that I tried my best, and can now resume a life of total decadence.

To add insult to injury, I have recently been contacted by the Trump “Transition Team.” I told them that I was very happy being a man, and that I had no intention of transitioning into a woman. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that!) I simply hate wearing high heels. Besides, from where I sit (in the kitchen) I see the entire political system as corrupt. Why? Because yesterday I tried to turn in a late ballot and was told that it was too late to vote! You can vote early but not late? What’s the story with that?

Now I hear that some folks want to eliminate the Electrical College. Would you like to know my “current position” on that? I agree! I’d lead the “charge” if I had the “right connections!” (Damn, these are pretty good puns!) Why don’t we have a Secretary of Humor? (Oh God, here comes another “plug!”)

Enough politics. What else is new? Well, I had a great Sunday luncheon with an old friend and insurance colleague, Ms. Meagan Kiernan. Meagan once worked for Yanoff & Co. and is now a V.I.P. at a Dallas insurance company. She’s smart, pretty, and personable, and just happens to be the daughter of two of my high school friends from Valley Stream! Three days later, I spent a lovely evening at the Steiner Ranch Steakhouse, chatting with Loyd and Shelley Smith, two of the nicest folks in the universe! Loyd is my new booking agent, but I’m trying to encourage him not to arrange any more history lectures at dawn! (Dang, those Lakeway folks are early risers!)

Speaking of wine (well, steaks are close enough!) have you folks tried any of the wines from Barons Creek Vineyards? They are superb! My friend and neighbor, Marc Chase, is one of the owners and he was kind enough to give me a few bottles last week. The vineyard is located in lovely Fredericksburg, smack dab in the middle of the Texas Hill Country. Great venue for some wine-tasting, and they also have their own wine club and guest facilities. (If you’re willing to buy some wine and spend the night, I’ll plant myself on the sofa and read one of my books to you. Trust me, you’ll fall asleep quickly!)

Congrats to Col. Richard Myerson, the winner of our last trivia contest. The Army colonel was the first to provide the correct answer about John Wesley Hardin’s mistress, whose name was….. Beulah Morose! This week’s question? What was the name of Jesse James’s favorite horse? (I only need the stallion’s first name, not the first and last!) The winner will receive… a $100 gift card to Home Depot. Good luck, amigos!

In closing, I would like to wish all 34,000 of my blog followers a VERY happy and healthy Thanksgiving. If you live in this wonderful country, you have much to be thankful for, and you should enjoy your meal and forget about my recent political humiliation. I’ll get over it. I’ll survive. I’m already making plans for 2020. (I might run for mayor of Antigua.) In any case, go forth and “gobble” up your feast!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. As an added holiday bonus, I am attaching some more photographs of my last Sicilian adventure! Arrivederci!

I reckon I’ll have to win this dang election! I reckon I’ll win in a landslide. (If my opponents are killed in an avalanche!) I reckon I’ll be your next President. (Hey, this is starting to sound like my “day of reckoning!”) Nevertheless, I sense that my political perspirations may finally come to fruition. The tide is turning! (No wonder I’m all wet.) I would like to take a moment and personally thank all those folks who voted for me. (My mom and gardener.) I am overwhelmed by your trust in me, and frankly, somewhat disappointed that you only voted for me one time. (Remember what they say in Chicago? Vote early and vote often?)

My political advisor, Alphonse “Bad Count” Capoletti, has informed me that I now hold a slim lead over my demon-like opponents, Clinton and Trump. By “slim lead” he means that two skinny people have voted for me. Still, I am optimistic that I will win. Have you seen the latest Poles? (They just arrived from the Arctic.) I am heavily favored to win the Eskimo vote, and proud to announce that I have received the Aleutian “seal of approval.” (I have to return the poor critter after the election.)

Yes, folks, I am on a roll, or a biscuit, but enough about politics! So what else is new? Well, I’m glad you asked. My recent history lecture was an outstanding success. (While I was speaking, the audience was out standing!) Not really. I actually shared a wonderful morning with the Lakeway Men’s Breakfast Club, where I spoke at length about my first history book, THE SECOND MOURNING. I really enjoyed myself, and the audience was quite large and extremely intelligent. (Lots of good questions during the Q & A portion of the event.) I’d like to thank my host and friend, Loyd Smith, for setting this up and inviting me to speak! I hope to return when my next history book, TURBULENT TIMES, is published this coming spring.

Incidentally, for those of you who might find yourselves at one of the many Caribbean book festivals in January, 2017, I will soon be posting my exact itinerary for our much-anticipated return to the islands. This year we shall be making appearances on the islands of Puerto Rico, St. Bart’s, Antigua, Tortola, and the Dominican Republic. All of my mystery novels will be available at the book festivals, as well as autographed copies of THE SECOND MOURNING. (If you forget your wallet, you can pay with rum… I’ll drink the rum and pay for it later!)

And since we are on the subject of celebrations…. Last evening was quite special around these parts… Me (and 200 hundred of my closest friends) attended the lovely wedding of Miss Lexie Zell and Alex Baker. The charming affair was held at The Greenhouse Resort in Driftwood, Texas. (Smack dab in the middle of the Texas Hill Country.) Great food, great tequila (from what I remember) and great company! Following in my recent footsteps, the happy couple will be spending their honeymoon in Positano, Italy. Hopefully, they will have a few spare moments to search for my lost socks. (I was in Room 215.) Have fun, you crazy kids!

Speaking of fun, the winner of our last trivia contest (which concerned the outlaw Sam Bass) was….. James McElroy of Durango, Colorado. Mr. McElroy was the first (but not the only one) who provided the correct answers to my fascinating inquiry. The most comprehensive answer came from another brilliant blog follower, Mr. Larry Wood, of Austin, Texas. Well done, gentlemen!

This week’s “Western Trivia Question” ………. What was the name of John Wesley Hardin’s mistress in El Paso, Texas? (The woman who inadvertently caused his demise.) First correct answer wins… a $100 gift card from Home Depot! Good luck, buckeroos!

Well, I guess this is where the cowboy rides away. Time to saddle up and head downtown for some hot migas. (Which, for all of you Yankees and foreign-types, happens to be a Mexican-inspired breakfast dish.) If you order this dish, DO NOT confuse it with the word “Mishigas,” which is Yiddish and has absolutely no connection to eggs or tortilla strips. (Still, it might be fun to order a plate of “craziness!”)

Take care and have a safe and happy week…. I will speak with you again when, God willing, I become your next President. (Make that, “God forbid” I become your next President!) Love to all,

The (semi) Honorable Dr. Stephen G. Yanoff

P.S. Several folks have requested a few more photographs of my last outing to Europe, so here you go…..