Well, that was fun. The past week has seen some very unusual weather, even for Texas. We went from a high of 84 degrees down to a low of 15 degrees in one darn week! BRRR! (Next week we are back up to 75 degrees!) Mark Twain was right. Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. It got so cold that I was tempted to make a batch of my famous Cajun alligator stew. Unfortunately, I only had a “croc-pot” on hand. (Does that joke qualify as a reptile dysfunction gag?)

Anyway, most of our inclement weather has moved north, where it belongs. Good riddance. Now I can start packing for my next (warm weather) adventure…. an extended book tour/cruise in the Caribbean, thanks to my publicist, Wilbur “Wrong Way” Williamson. This man is so good. I might even offer him a raise. (a pair of high-heeled boots.)

Our itinerary includes the sunny (and hopefully hot) islands of Tortola, St. Barts, Antigua, St. Lucia, St. Maarten, and Puerto Rico. In preparation, I have been consuming lots of rum, but I have made a vow not to drink too much when I get to the Caribbean basin. In fact, once I’m on the ship, I will not touch a drop of alcohol unless I’m alone or with someone else. What can I say, I have an incredible amount of will power.

Here’s an interesting bit of trivia for you cruisers out there….. Passengers can now participate in the mandatory safety drill online. Be careful, though. You have to take a little exam and there are a few “trick questions.” For instance, “How do you pull a rabbit out of a hat?” Just kidding. But they do ask what you’re supposed to yell when you see a man fall off the ship. (The answer: “Man overboard!”) They also asked what you’re supposed to yell if you see a woman fall off the ship. (My answer: “Full speed ahead!”) I only got partial credit for that answer.

Speaking of questions…. When a lightning bolt hits a cornfield, how come it doesn’t produce any popcorn?

Moving along…. For those of you that have recently been snowed in, the rumors are true. I have finalized a very lucrative 2-book deal with a major publisher. In point of fact, I am half-way through both books. The first is a brilliant tale about Thomas A. Edison (non-fiction) and the second is another “Adam Gold Mystery.” It’s been fun going back and forth in the writing process… and somewhat challenging. Both books should be ready for publication sometime this year. (Depending on whether or not I’m incarcerated in the Caribbean.)

Well, time to start packing, so I must say adieu. (and “I do” hate to pack!) By the way, I’m thinking about taking a repositioning cruise next year. I’m not sure what that is, but I think it means you have to spend most of your time in the vertical position. (I currently prefer the horizontal deal.) If you have any details, send them along.

Keep smiling and enjoy your special time on Earth. And don’t be depressed by the weather. Summer will be here in 145 days!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff