Greetings from lovely (and expensive) Maui, Hawaii! And since I am now fluent in island languages, allow me to add, Maika’i e Kama ‘Ilio You Me ‘oe. (Which in English, means, “Nice to speak with you again.) Well, as you might have guessed, I just returned from our charming 50th state, and I’m happy to report that all is well in paradise. On this outing, I was compelled to take along ALL of my precious grand-children, as this was my wife’s birthday wish. Hence, I traveled across the wide Pacific Ocean and spent a lengthy (and expensive) week on the northern shore of Maui. (Where a simple Mai Tai now costs $30… plus tip!) No wonder it took so long for Hawaii to join the United States, they couldn’t afford the airfare to Washington, D.C.!

In any case, we had a marvelous vacation and I spent a great deal of time in the water…. first in the ocean, then in the kiddie pool, and then being drenched with water guns! (You gotta love those grand-children.) Our flights coming and going were perfect, but I was a little disappointed by the weak airport greeting in Maui. I was hoping that some gorgeous island beauty would offer me a lei, but that did not happen. (No lei jokes, please. This is a family blog!)

The food in Hawaii is rather fresh (and expensive) but quite good if you like fish. Almost every day we consumed vast portions of Mahi-Mahi and tons of macadamia nuts. I was lucky enough to meet a bikini-clad bartender who made a great Mai Tai, so the grandkids became quite tolerable early in the afternoon. Between soakings, we toured the island and I was able to sneak in some wonderful snorkeling. I’m happy to report that the reefs were in great shape and teeming with fish. (I don’t know which team they were on, but they sure were colorful.) Generally speaking, you’ll see butterfish, yellow tang, parrotfish, and sea turtles at every stop. If you’re lucky (or maybe unlucky) you’ll also run into a couple of whitetip reef sharks, which are harmless. (Unless they’ve had a couple of Mai Tai cocktails.)

It’s great to be back in Texas, but my timing is less than perfect. As some of you probably know, we are experiencing a heat wave. (Which feels more like a tsunami!) Every day is 104… 105… 106, etc. It’s so darn hot down here that the fire ants are crawling around with water bottles on their tiny little hips. (For the sake of complete transparency, I must admit that I am not in Austin right now. We came down to Port Aransas yesterday, and our weather is delightful. The Texas coast is the place to be this week.)

If you’re contemplating a trip to Hawaii, you might want to consider staying in Lahaina, which is on the northwest end of Maui. I loved our location, which overlooked the islands of Lana’i and Moloka’i. The sunsets, as you might imagine, are simply stunning. (I try to avoid sunrise at all costs!) Of course, with the grand-children in tow, sleep becomes rather challenging. Still, I managed to find a hidden hammock here and there.

In case you’re wondering, I did do some “book business” while lounging around the beach and the pool. Not only did I gather some new, unsuspecting blog followers, but I also stocked the resort library with some of my books! One charming woman spent 3 or 4 days reading my newest mystery, DEAD ENDING, and she seemed to be enjoying the book. (I didn’t see her gag or regurgitate, so she must enjoy my writing. Right?)

Well, my dear friends, it is time to hit the beach down here in Port A, so allow me to wish you a safe and happy week. Stay cool, drink plenty of water, and avoid those darn (and expensive) Mai Tai concoctions! Until we meet again, I shall say, Aloha and LooneytooneyMaui. (By the way, if you scroll down you can see some of my photographs.) Love to all,

Doc “The Big Kahuna” Yanoff