Have you, perchance, read the above book, which was written by John Bunyan? (Who might have been related to Paul Bunyan. Who knows.) Anyway, I thought it might be a good title for this week’s blog post. Fall has fell and the holiday season has begun! First came that awful day when we had to set our clocks back (or forward in my case) to honor some old tradition. When I was a kid, I thought DAYLIGHT SAVINGS was the name of a bank. (I wasn’t too bright back then!) Now we move on to the favorite holiday of dentists… Halloween.
Did you know that over 160 million Americans buy candy for this trick or treat fiasco? (That’s about half the population!) Hard to believe, but Americans spend about $2.6 BILLION dollars on Halloween candy each year. The top selling cavity-producer is….. (the envelope please) ….. SKITTLES! (The grossest type of candy you can put in your mouth!) For you candy corn folks, don’t fret… 35 million pounds of that gunk was sold and/or consumed. (I used to eat candy corn with salt and butter until I realized it was melting the darn thing! Like I said before, I weren’t too bright a lad!)
Hey, why can’t ghosts have children? (Answer: Because they have “hallow-weenies!”)
All right, let’s move on to Thanksgiving, shall we? President Biden pardoned the “official” birds, whose names are Peanut Butter and Jelly. Good for him. Unfortunately, his Vice-President did not agree with the pardon, calling it (and I quote) ….. “A clear example of systematic ornithology prejudice and a ‘foul’ deed!) She didn’t really say that, but I’m trying to stir up trouble. Hey, don’t forget to talk politics at your Thanksgiving dinner. (You’ll save money on Christmas gifts!)
Here at Villa Yanoff we will be especially thankful for a new addition to our family… my beautiful daughter, Rachel, recently gave birth to a 8.5 pound tax deduction named William Arthur Zell. He is soooo handsome. (He favors me) He was quite a sizable baby. They almost had to induce birth, but my daughter decided to handle the situation on her own… and out he came! (Oddly enough, my wife had to be induced with drugs in order to have sex with me!) Anyway, Mom and child are doing well, so we are once again on cloud nine, and one step closer to personal bankruptcy!
A big shout out now to… Joy and Jordon, my son-in-law’s dear friends who came to Austin from Los Angeles and Las Vegas to observe the bris. If you’re not familiar with this procedure, let’s just say it gives the male child a chance to circumvent, or something like that. The person who does the snipping of the you-know-what is called a Mohel. (They don’t make a lot of money. Mainly tips.) Fortunately, the procedure is done quickly, and in most cases, the young lad has no scars or memories of his first encounter with scalpels. (Unless, as with me, the procedure is done when you turn eighteen. Just kidding. I faint at the sight of my own blood.)
For those of you who would like to see what my new grandson looks like (without his you-know-what) please scroll down and you will find two lovely photos of my grand-daughters, Goldie and Fiona, holding their new brother. (Just after he lost two ounces!) I’ve also included some Halloween shots, which reveal exactly how these hooligans dress up! (Superman is my other grand-son, Leo.)
Finally, I will soon have some MAJOR news to share with you concerning a book award about to be given to GONE BEFORE GLORY. (which was just named as one of the top 100 books of 2021 by a MAJOR media group.) I cannot reveal the actual name of the contest until it becomes official in early December, but I am quite thrilled by this honor. I shall, as they say, keep you abreast (or a thigh, if you prefer) of the situation!
Until then, be safe and be happy. Have a marvelous Thanksgiving and be grateful that we all live in the most wonderful country on earth! Love to all,
Doc Yanoff **Photos attached**