Ahoy, my fellow pirates, and shiver my timbers.  Just returned from a lovely adventure on the warm and sunny Caribbean isle of Nassau.  (Nassau is the capital of the Bahamas and a lot more fun than Nassau County, New York!)  The temperature was a pleasant 80+ degrees, so I didn’t do much shivering.  However, I did shake a little after my first three rum & coconut drinks!  Man, what a fantastic way to absorb some vitamin C.  Since we encountered five sunny days, I also got some much-needed vitamin D.  (As if we don’t get enough sun down here in Texas!)

My goals in the Caribbean (in addition to staying out of jail) were twofold:  First, I wanted to introduce my grand-daughters to the wonderful world of over-priced beach resorts.  (Bring lots of cash if you go to the Atlantis Beach Resort!)  Second, I wanted to sign and sell some copies of my newest “Adam Gold Mystery,” which as you may know, is titled, CAPONE ISLAND.  Luckily, I achieved both goals and broke even financially.  (Winning some loot in the casino also helped, but please do not mention that to the IRS.)

Despite the exorbitant prices for food and drink, I must commend the Atlantis for offering the little ones a perfect spot to indulge in water-related activities.  There are at least 5 gorgeous pools (which I call “pee pee pools”) for the kiddies and a couple of sedate pools for the adults.  Additionally, there are 2 chlorine rivers for floating on tubes.  (one rapid and one slow)  However, the BEST spot for the folks who have yet to reach puberty, is the spectacular water park, which is filled with all sorts of slides.  (and more chlorine)

I spent most of my time on the beach, which is located on Paradise Island, a tourist mecca connected to the mainland by a long bridge.  Except for an occasional “hawker” selling beads and trinkets, the beach was a perfect spot for spending a relaxing day.  The water was about 78 degrees, which was quite refreshing, and clean as could be.  Covered beach chairs were free, but as I later discovered, they frown on taking them back to the U.S.

My son-in-law (Adam) was over-joyed to discover that there was an NCAA basketball tournament at the resort, and incredibly, it featured his very favorite team, the University of Michigan.  (Those rascals actually won the tournament, too!)  My alma mater, Dodge City Taxidermy Academy, did not play in the tournament.  (They have no sports teams, but they do hold an annual “Coyote Howling Contest.”)

There were, of course, a handful of celebrities at the resort, but nobody as famous as me.  (According to my grand-daughters)  We all had a marvelous time, but we could have stayed in Austin and jumped into Lake Travis to cool off.  Why do I say that?  Because tomorrow, December 9, is going to be sunny and 80 degrees down here!  Yikes, another brutal winter is upon us!  (I’m really starting to enjoy this climate change thing.)

By the way, how was your Thanksgiving?  I do hope you were able to be with loved ones and enjoy some gobble gobble goodies.  While I was sunbathing, I got to thinking about how thankful I was for my own wonderful life, and how grateful I was to live in America.  My goodness, are we lucky.  I love going to Caribbean islands, but believe me, there is no place like home.  God bless the USA should be tattooed on my chest, but the parrot is taking up too much space!  (I do hope that damn bird is not a permanent art installation!)  No more rum drinks for breakfast!

I took some nude photographs on the beach, but my dang camera was confiscated at the airport, so I can only post some typical shots.  (The nudes were NOT of me, so stop laughing!)  Incidentally, speaking of beautiful subjects, I would like to dedicate this here blog post to one of my dearest friends, Ms. Barbara from Steiner Ranch.  (Our sweetheart is a little under the weather and we wish her a speedy recovery.)  I hope my blog jokes don’t make her ill.  (They are known to have that effect on people!)

Well, lads and lassies, time to head down south.  (Meaning south Austin)  Today is Christmas cookie decorating day, and as usual, I’m in charge of frosting and sprinkles.  Last year we made Hanukkah cookies, but only eight of them.  (That’s another bad joke!)  I hope you all have a pleasant and prosperous week, and I look forward to our next engagement.  Until then,

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff    (semi-nude photos attached)