Man, do I have a lot to be thankful for this year.  Aside from all the book awards, I am very thankful that I don’t live in Hollywood or Washington, D.C.!  Bad time to be an actor or a politician.  (Wait, that might be an oxymoron!)  I used to think that an oxymoron was a dumb cow.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, we were talking about sexual harassment.  (To be quite honest, at a certain age, ALL sex is a form of harassment!)

Anyway, in order to avoid any trouble during our Thanksgiving feast, we have decided to BAN the use of certain words.  For instance, nobody at the table can request a BREAST, a THIGH, or a LEG.  (Too suggestive)  Also, we have forbidden the word CHESTNUT.  (Too graphic)  How’s that for pilgrim’s progress?

If you want to stay out of trouble this year, then stay out of COSTCO.  They were offering fruit samples yesterday, and a pretty young lady asked me if I wanted to try some raisins.  I told her that I preferred a date.  She called the dang manager!  Thank goodness I didn’t squeeze her melons.  (I’m married, so I cantaloupe!)

I don’t have any chick problems at home, mainly because I am such a progressive fellow.  (They have the best insurance rates.)  In my house, I mean my wife’s house, we split the chores evenly.  Patty does the cooking, cleaning, washing, ironing, and some minor roof repairs.  I handle security.  (If someone breaks into our house, I’m supposed to nudge Patty out of bed (gingerly) and ask her to check the perimeter for armed intruders.)  Sounds fair to me, but I do think she could do some weeding in the spring.

Even though I am the prefect husband, I do make mistakes.  (One per decade)  This morning, my wife woke up with a sore back.  (No, not because of that!)  I asked her if she wanted a hot pad, and she got angry.  She thought I said “hot pat,” which I did not say.  (I even told her that she was already a “hot Pat.”)  Luckily I did not mention Ben Gay.  (Not that there’s anything wrong with that!)

So what else is new?  Well, my business mentor, the genius who taught me almost everything I know about high risk insurance, has finally retired.  Tom Mannion, who I consider an (older) brother, just stepped out of the fray and will soon be moving to sunny West Florida.  Next to my own father, Tom was the most brilliant insurance executive I’ve ever known, and I am deeply in his debt.  (Poor Tom had to teach me the insurance racket, which wasn’t easy!)  Keep in mind that there would be no “Adam Gold books” without Tom’s guidance and support, since each book is based upon an actual insurance claim.  My best wishes to Tom, and his lovely wife, Joanne, and I hope they enjoy their well-earned retirement.

Incidentally, with the holiday season fast approaching, don’t forget that you can now order the complete set of Adam Gold mysteries on Amazon.com  These books make wonderful gifts, and since the royalties are going to charity, you will be doing a very good deed … two times!  Naturally this will increase the odds of getting into heaven later on, so don’t delay!  Do something angelic!

Finally, I would like to congratulate my handsome and talented brother-in-law, Mr. Tim McCloskey, who recently became engaged to a woman of the female persuasion.  (A very lovely woman, I might add!)  Our very best wishes to Tim and his future bride, Donna.  You crazy kids will have a great life together, and we look forward to attending your wedding.  (Do I have to bring a gift?  I did refer to Tim as handsome and talented.  Shouldn’t that count for something?)  Just saying.

Well, time to make the catnip, I mean parsnip casserole.  I want to wish each and every one of you a wonderful and joyous Thanksgiving!  What a true blessing it is to live in America and share this special day with family and friends.  Here’s hoping that you and yours have a marvelous time together!  God bless, and love to all!

Doc Yanoff