Just returned from my enchanting weekend in America’s 4th largest city, and I was duly impressed, except for the number of motorized vehicles zooming down Interstate 10.  Dang, those Houstonians really drive fast.  I was doing 50-55 miles per hour on the Interstate and folks were passing me by like I was standing still!  Would you believe that a Schwinn cut me off?  Jeez, that was embarrassing.  (Her training wheels almost hit my bumper!)  Still, we had a marvelous time, and Houston is one happening place.

My date and I stayed in a fancy hotel (The Dew Drop Inn) near the Galleria, which is one gorgeous shopping mall.  They even have an ice-skating rink in the middle of the mall!  I wonder if the rink becomes a pool during the summer?  We were in Houston to meet my new literary proteges, sign a few books, and (most importantly) attend a gala Christmas party hosted by Mr. & Mrs. Mark McCloskey.  Boy, was that a great party.  Amazing food, wonderful spirits, and a truly fascinating crowd.  Since nobody knew me (as usual) I introduced myself as Stephen King, and I took the liberty of signing a few autographs.  (and one bank draft to pay for the crystal wine glass I broke!)  Thanks, Mark & Mayvic for a memorable event!

And since we are on the subject of “memorable events,” allow me to thank the wonderful folks at the Houston Museum of Natural Science for a THRILLING afternoon with the “Mummies of Ancient Egypt,” an event that I will remember for a long, long time.  As a former archaeologist (make that, treasure hunter) I was fascinated with the incredible collection of Egyptian artifacts I stole, I mean, viewed up close and personal.  (I am sorry for my lame jokes about being in denial (in the Nile), the $10,000 Pyramid, and the Pharaoh whose socks “Sphinx.”  Still, you must admit that my riddle (what type of music did a mummy listen to?) was pretty clever.  The answer, of course, is “wrap music!”

By the way, some of you have probably heard that I’ve been contacted by Donald Trump’s transmission team.  (Yes, I got the word right.)  They want to meet me at Jiffy-Lube on Wednesday!  I’ll probably have to “grease a few palms” to get a position.  My uncle used to grease palms in Florida.  (He was a slick guy.)  Have I mentioned his “branch” of the family?  He was a mean guy, but his bark was worse than his bite.  (What’s with all the tree jokes?)

Finally, or close to it, I would like to thank my old high school buddy, Mr. Glenn Fitzgerald (Vice President of Proluxe) for sending me a VERY cool gift.  What could possibly be better than a bottle of Nolet’s Gin (the world’s best) engraved with…. the title of your last mystery novel!  Yep, I just received a bottle with the title, A RUN FOR THE MONEY, inscribed on the label!  Do I drink the contents or save the bottle for posterity?  Or puberty?  Or prosperity?  (You and I know that the Gin is living on borrowed time!)  Anyway, thank you, Glenn.  A very thoughtful gesture!

Almost lastly… I would like to extend a belated “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” to the Princess of Portugal, who recently turned 39 and looks marvelous, absolutely marvelous!  (Baron Lee is pretty darn hot, too!)  I will forward a (semi) expensive gift after Christmas.  (When the sales start)  Until then, please know that you folks are constantly in our thoughts.

In closing…. since I will be quite busy for the next week or so, please allow me to wish a very sincere MERRY CHRISTMAS and/or HAPPY HANUKKAH to all of my wonderful blog followers in America and throughout the world.  This has been another incredible year in both a literary and personal sense, and I am fully aware that I owe ALL of my success to the thousands of people who have become blog followers and supporters.  Your friendship and encouragement means the world to me, and I wish you all a HAPPY, HEALTY, AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR!

GOD BLESS…. AND LOVE TO ALL,

DOC YANOFF