Greetings from the Netherlands, a/k/a Holland, where 26% of the country is below sea level! Fortunately, most of it is at eye-level, and boy did I get an eyeful. Yours truly, and his faithful travel companion, recently returned from several weeks in Europe. We began our latest adventure in the bicycle-crazy city of Amsterdam, but that wasn’t the only damn thing we saw. When you go to Holland, you might rub elbows with Rotterdam, Westerdam, Oosterdam, Zuiderdam, and Volendam. But don’t bother looking for Potsdam or Hoover Dam. On this particular outing, we sailed aboard the Viking Sigrun, an impressive longship. Most of the voyage took place on the Rhine River, which is quite lovely this time of year.

As I mentioned, we fly into Amsterdam, which is an interesting city, overrun with death-defying bicyclists. (They defy you to cross the street without being run over!) We had the pleasure of staying at the Pulitzer Hotel, which is named after Peter Pulitzer, the grandson of Joseph Pulitzer, the founder of the literary award that I expect to win one of these days. (To improve my chances, I left a book in the men’s room and service elevator.)

The city of Amsterdam is known for many things (some of them legal) and we had no trouble seeing the most famous sites. Our hotel was just down the street from the Anne Frank House and an easy walk to many of the museums. The most famous museum in town is the Van Gogh Museum, which we tried to go to, but couldn’t find. Apparently, the painter moved around a lot. (He was probably a “moving Van.”) I kept asking people, “where did Van go?” Nobody seemed to know, which was rather “ear-ritating.” (Should I have “cut” that joke?)

Overall, I think we spent our time wisely. My wife went to a store that sold kitchenware. (She never showed me the pot she bought, but she was giggling about her purchase all afternoon.) I was interested in purchasing a lamp, so I went to the Red Light District, which had some very unusual window displays and a VERY friendly staff. I didn’t buy anything, but I did get a shot of whiskey and penicillin. (Better safe than sorry!)

After several fun-filled days in Amsterdam, we sailed down to the quaint village of Kinderdijk, the self-proclaimed “Windmill Capital” of the Netherlands. Being a semi-famous author, I was reminded of my favorite novel, written by Miguel de Cervantes. Naturally, I’m referring to the timeless classic DAN COYOTE, the marvelous tale of a Spanish Knight-errant and his faithful sidekick, Sancho Panda. What a memorable book.

The remainder of my voyage will be discussed ad nauseam in future blogs, so if you find this post elucidating (or hallucinating) please tune in next Sunday, whence I will continue bloviating about our other port stops. Trust me, you will not want to miss a single word. (maybe a few sentences, but no words.)

Incidentally, not to brag, but my new history book, WONDER OF THE WEST, was recently chosen as the “Best U.S. History Book of 2025” by the judges of the Hollywood Book Festival. The First Prize Award is financially staggering, but more importantly I get to attend a gala dinner in N.Y.C. (Why they chose New York instead of Los Angeles is a mystery.) In any case, I might attend the awards ceremony if I can find my old bullet-proof vest.

By the way, speaking of steak dinners….. Do you know what they call a cow with no legs? (Ground Beef!) Do you know what they call a cow with no ears? (Nothing, they can’t hear!)

Well, I think it’s time to MOO-ve on, so please take care and keep smiling. If you would like to see some photographs of my recent voyage, please scroll down. Love to all!

Doc Yanoff