I just realized that the word Rhine rhymes with wine, which is just fine. However, on our last river voyage we focused on beer, which turned out to be a very wise choice. Except for one incident… after guzzling a few pints of ale, I inadvertently walked into the ladies room and quickly discovered that the Germans are fixated with certain numbers. Some guy kept yelling, “Nine, nine, nine!” I yelled back, “No, number one!” The guy walked off huffing and puffing, but that’s because he was a sour Kraut.

Our first biergarten adventure was actually in the fun-loving city of Cologne, where all of the semi-inebriated citizens smell awfully good. (Yep, this is where the famous perfume was invented.) One our first night, we sampled 3 different breweries, and from what I remember they were all great. The good folks of Cologne love Kolsch beer and bratwurst, which makes them some of the wisest people on earth. (OMG, does that stuff go down easy!)

After Cologne, we sailed through the beautiful Rhine River Valley and stopped overnight in Koblenz, Rudesheim, and Speyer. Each town had its own unique charm, and a lot more beer to sample. Lest you think that I consumed too much bratwurst, I would like to point out that I also overindulged with an absurd amount of wienerschnitzel and sauerbraten. One evening I drank a little too much schnapps and couldn’t find my own wienerschnitzel, but that’s a long story.

The last leg of our voyage brought us to Strasbourg, France, and then it was off to Basel, Switzerland for a death-defying ride through the mountain passes of the Swiss and Italian Alps. Our guide, whose name was Heidi, was quite knowledgeable, but hard to understand. (She kept yodeling every time she saw one of her relatives or a herd of sheep.) Our lovely Swiss Miss told us that we were traveling across peaks that were 16,000 feet high! Don’t ask me how Hannibal (the Carthaginian general, not the cannibal) marched his army and a herd of elephants across the Alps. The poor pachyderms must have worn special snow shoes. (Which they packed in their “trunks” no doubt!)

Whence we crossed the Alps, we visited the Italian Lake District and spent a few glorious days exploring Lakes Maggiore, Garda, and Orta. (We skipped Lake Como because George Clooney wasn’t available for lunch.) One of the more interesting stops was a visit to the Monastery of San Giulio on Lake Orta. The monastery is home to 70 nuns who have taken a vow of silence and spend their days in quiet reflection and prayer. (No offense, but I can’t imagine 70 women being silent for any length of time. They must use sign language or something.) My wife has a funny sense of humor. She asked one of the nuns if I could join their order. (She said no. Well, actually she just shook her head.)

In closing, I would like to reiterate something I’ve said before….. the best part of any trip is meeting other folks from around the county. On this occasion we were lucky enough to meet some wonderful couples, including Greg and Joyce from Ohio, Diane and Nick from Pennsylvania, John and Sarah from Virginia, and Deb and Jennifer, from PA and South Carolina. All of these charming people made our trip an event to be remembered!

Next week I shall have some FASCINATING literary news to share, so be here or be there. Until we meet again, I wish you a salubrious and fun-filled week! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

P.S. I have attached some photos for your viewing enjoyment!