AHOY, landlubbers! When last we raised anchor, we were departing (reluctantly) from the salubrious isle of St. Barts, bound for the awe-inspiring islands of Antigua and Barbuda. (Not to be confused with Bermuda!) These little gems are in the Leeward Islands, which is part of the Lesser Antilles. They are located, more or lesser, in the Caribbean Sea. When we arrived, I began to wonder if the region was named after my Aunt Tillie. Hey, you never know. The old gal got around.

In any case, we sailed along the western shore, which is magnificently beautiful. As is our custom, we ate, drank, swam, and… are you ready for this…. we were invited to a championship cricket match. Being a man of the world, so to speak, I immediately declined the invitation. Who the heck wants to watch a bunch of crickets hopping around the field? Not me. No thank you. (We ended up at a Greyhound race, which was just as bad. Most of the buses were old clunkers.) Hard to breathe with all those dang fumes.

Our next stop, one of my favorites, was the charming town of Castries, a vibrant port on St. Lucia. The place is truly habit-forming, but if you spend too much time there, you might get Cas-trated. (We left right away.) But we ended up at a wonderful resort called Calabash Bay, which was one of the most romantic resorts I have ever seen. (I was tempted to get “frisky,” but my wife was around.) Always something. I have attached some photos below.

Bidding farewell to St. Lucia, we sailed on to St. Martin, which as you might know, is somewhat schizo in its layout. Half the island is French. (Ooo la la!) And the other half is Dutch. (But not exactly a Dutch treat.) We spent most of the day on the French side and had a wonderful lunch on the beach. However…. BUYER BEWARE! The French eat cargo! They’re really snails! Also, if you’re offended by nudity (like me) avoid Orient Bay Beach. This beach is “clothing optional” and they frown on tourists snapping souvenir photographs. (I heard this from a friend.) Nevertheless, you can have an exceptional visit if you keep your clothes on. (My in-laws used to say that to me.)

Soooo….. everything is coming along, how shall I say it, swimmingly with my present literary masterpiece, titled, UNBOUND BRILLIANCE. (A story about Thomas Edison, not me.) Our next book tour/ocean cruise/wine guzzling adventure is being planned by my publicist, Irving “Wrong Way” Wishbone, and should be finalized any day now. (Poor Irving is still stuck in a TSA line at the Austin airport.)

Which reminds me, what did one ocean say to the other? Nothing. They just waved!

Did you hear about the red cruise ship that slammed into the blue cruise ship? All of the survivors were…. (you’d better sit down) …. MAROONED! (Come on, that wasn’t terrible!)

All right, no more bad jokes. Time to head for my grandson’s 6th birthday party. By the way, the first photo below is one of my youngest grandson, pirate captain, “Long Legged Luke.” A truly fearsome lad. (especially after he consumes mushy peas!) Hasta la vista, baby. Have fun and keep smiling.

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

*** Highly fascinating photographs below!