Well, I could be referring to the 1958 classic American film, but….. on this particular blog I am referring to the glorious weather we’ve been having down here in Austin, Texas. We have now had (are you sitting down?) 60 days of 100+ degree days! Yikes, talk about having a hot time in the old town tonight! So, you might be wondering, how hot has it been? (I’m glad you asked) Well, it’s been so hot that the fire ants have opened Kool-Aid stands! Yesterday I saw a scorpion with a canteen around its neck! The cows in Texas are now giving evaporated milk! The chickens have begun to lay hard-boiled eggs! (All right, no more heat jokes.)

Some of my loyal Canadian blog followers have recently inquired about my scheduled trip to Montreal, but I regret to inform you that our trip has been postponed due to the fires that continue to rage up north. We also have to delay our trip to the Sagamore Hotel on Lake George, as this was part of the same outing. Hopefully, once the fires have been put out, we can re-schedule our trip.

Readers of the New York Times or the Wall Street Journal might have seen a recent article about the 2023 NEW YORK BOOK FESTIVAL. I am, pleased to report that the judging has been finalized, and that my new “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, DEAD ENDING, won the bronze medal for “Best Mystery of 2023.” (I have attached a photo of the award, which can be found below.) In case you’re wondering about the huge cash award, well, I spent it on ice cubes for my waterbed! (I told you it’s been hot!)

I don’t mean to keep mentioning the heat, but you know it’s hot when Jehovah’s Witnesses start telemarketing!

Anyway, before I forget, I’d like to wish everyone a happy Labor Day. If you’re not from the United States, you might think it’s odd that we have a holiday honoring pregnancy. Did you know that a woman gives birth in the U.S. every thirty seconds? (Somebody should have a talk with this woman.) Speaking of sex, I think my wife has the wrong idea about “rough sex.” Every time I ask for sex, she says, rough. (Just saying)

Incidentally, thanks to the writer’s strike in L.A., my ongoing negotiations with Netflix have been put on hold. (We were discussing the possibility of make two movies, one about CAPONE ISLAND, and the other about DEAD ENDING.) Oh well, maybe the two sides will reach some kind of agreement before they put me in a home. Which reminds me, my uncle has lost all interest in s-e-x. His wife has threatened to send him to a penal colony! (Yikes, this is becoming an X-rated blog!)

Looks like Kevin Costner is leaving “Yellowstone.” He is supposedly making a new series about a park ranger with a weak bladder. They intend to call the show, “Yellowsnow.” (Urine in good hands with Costner directing!) All right, I think I’m on the “wrong tract.” Time to move on…..

God, the heat is definitely affecting the quality of my lame jokes. Even I’m not laughing!

In closing, I want to thank everyone who bought one of my books during the summer, as all of my royalties have been donated to the folks in Maui, who have lost everything and are suffering greatly. I appreciate your generosity and hope that all of my Hawaiian friends get back on their feet in the very near future.

As for me, I am off to another gala barbecue dinner. (Yeah, it’s still hot, but a man has to eat!) Tonight is a special occasion feast at Stiles Switch in Austin, which is one of the best barbecue joints in Texas. Brisket and ribs are on the menu, including their gigantic beef rib, which I have dubbed the “Fred Flintstone Special.” Wish me luck!

Take good care of yourselves, drink plenty of water, and keep smiling! Love to all,

Doc Yanoff