Frankly, I didn’t know it had been lost, but I’m happy to report that the lovely states of South Dakota and Wyoming have decided to remain in the Union.  (After my recent visit, I wasn’t so sure.  Too many bad buffalo jokes!)  Nevertheless, I am now back in Austin and enjoying my recollections of my great Yellowstone adventure.  Our Western Book Tour/National Monument Trip was a huge success, and we met a large number of wonderful folks from across the country.  (And gained some great new blog followers!)  As I’ve frequently said, you meet the nicest people while traveling.

Our particular guided tour was called “Legends of the American West,” and was sponsored by Tauck Tours.  When I first read the name of our tour, I assumed it was referring to me, but they were actually referring to some of the national monuments we visited.  (Oh well)  We began our western trek in Rapid City, South Dakota… and then went to Mt. Rushmore.  Those names scared me a little,  being the type of fellow who likes to take it slow and easy.  (Fortunately nobody in South Dakota moved rapidly and nobody rushed more either.)

The slowest gent in the state is the poor guy that’s been carving the Crazy Horse sculpture for the last two thousand years.  (Or so it seems)  The poor chief is barely recognizable, but the sculptors are determined to finish the monument some time this century.  The project began under a chisler named Korczak Ziolkowski (real name) but has since been taken over by his son, “Korczak the Magnificent,” who is a “chip off the old block.”

Like everything else in America, the project, though well-intentioned, has produced some heated controversy.  Apparently, Crazy Horse was never photographed and deliberately buried where his grave would never be found…  consequently nobody knows what the old boy actually looked like!  (Thus, carving his image becomes pure speculation, and subject to cultural interpretation.  See where this is going?)  Some folks have, dare I say, “reservations,” about the entire project, but that’s life.

Incidentally, I posted a short video of our group being surrounded by a herd of bison a while back.  (Have you herd of bison?)  All right, no more buffalo jokes.  In any case, there were two other bison “charges” in the last few weeks, and you can watch them by Googling “Bison Attacks in Yellowstone Park.”  Luckily, nobody has been injured or killed.  (But one of the poor tourists sustained some major damage to his rental car.)  The poor tourist should have rented a Mustang, then he could have out-run the buffalo!  (All right, now I’m really through with those buffalo jokes!)

As I mentioned in a previous post, Mount Rushmore contains the stone images of four American presidents…  Washington, Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Lincoln.  The main sculptor, Gutzon Borglum, chose these gents based upon their importance to American history and the great outdoors.  If you study the photographs at the bottom of this post, you will notice that there is actually room for two more images….. so, let’s have some fun…. send me an email and let me know which two American presidents you would add to the mountain.  (Let’s assume that we are required by law to add two more images.  Who would you choose?)  I shall publish the results of this stimulating poll on a future blog…. so vote early and vote often, as they say in Chicago!

So what on earth is new besides the American West?  Well, for those of you who have been following my brilliant literary career, you might have seen the most recent review of my last “Adam Gold Mystery,” which is titled, CAPONE ISLAND.  If you haven’t read this review, don’t fret.  I shall attach the complete review at the end of this blog.  Please memorize the salient points of this glowing synopsis, and share with a few hundred of your closest friends.  (My accountant, Jesse James Lipschitz, will be very happy if we increase book sales.)

By the way, CAPONE ISLAND has recently been nominated for several prominent book awards, so keep your fingers and toes crossed for me!  If I win any loot, I will give you a cut.  (No money, just a cut)

Well, time to leave, as today happens to be my daughter’s birthday (Miss Rebecca) and we are having a pool party in her honor.  It’s sort of a surprise party.  (We don’t have a pool)  But seriously folks, there is much to do, and I am running far behind schedule.  (I really need to stop sampling the tequila punch!)  I do hope that you all have a safe and superb week, and we shall meet again in the near future.

Until then, love to all…..

Doc Yanoff

 

 

“He was born in the summer of his 70th year…  Coming home to a place he’d never been before…  He left yesterday behind him, you might say he was born again…  You might say he found a key for every door… ”    Yep, those are the opening lyrics to John Denver’s most famous song, ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH.  By wonderful coincidence, I recently flew up to Denver (and then further north to Aspen, Colorado) to attend the wedding of my beloved nephew, Jarrett Yanoff.  (Who had the good fortune of marrying the brilliant and beautiful Miss Caitlyn!)  OMG, are those mountains gorgeous!  (But not as pretty as the bride!)

The lovesick couple got married on the very top of Aspen Mountain, which is about 14,000 feet ABOVE sea level.  (They should call it “see level,” because you can see forever from the top!)  The wedding party took a 20-minute gondola ride up to the top, witnessed a lovely ceremony, drank too much champagne, and then headed downhill to a spectacular reception at the Little Nell Resort Hotel.  (I have attached some photos taken at the top of the mountain.)

I told my nephew that marriage is a wonderful institution.  (Similar to other institutions…  like Alcatraz and Sing Sing!)  My goal was alway to find a woman who looked at me the way I look at pizza.  I also offered the newlyweds some sage advice.  (Even though basil is my favorite herb.)  I reminded them that despite the high cost of living, it remains quite popular.  Also, that arguing with your wife is like being arrested.  Everything you say can and will be used against you!

The rehearsal dinner, held the night before the wedding, was hosted by the incredible Viceroy Hotel in Snowmass, another charming ski town a few miles from Aspen.  Following an elaborate dinner, guests were treated to an assortment of activities.  (After they had a chance to sober up)  The Aspen area is famous not only for skiing, but also for mountain hiking, trout fishing, golf, tennis, white water rafting, and horseback riding.

In accordance with my Texas roots, I saddled-up my pony (actually a full-grown horse) and went on a L-O-N-G ride into the mountains with a group of other suckers.  I wanted to ride bare-back, but our guide asked me to keep my shirt on.  In any case, up the mountain and down the steep terrain we went, observing some of the most beautiful land I have ever seen.  Words cannot begin to capture the sheer beauty of northern Colorado.  (Nor the sheer drop of the ledges we were riding across!)  The highlight of our ride was spotting a bear in the wild.  Fortunately, he (or she) kept his distance and did not spook the horses.  (However, one young lady from back east was a little spooked until I told her that her nag could easily outrun the brute that was staring us down.)

Naturally, I was a little, how shall I say this, “saddle sore” from my lengthy trek up Grizzly Mountain.  (In other words, my butt was killing me!)  Nevertheless, I would not have traded the experience for anything but a deep-tissue massage.  Ah, the foolishness of youth!  Oh well, if you don’t look back on your younger days and say, “I was so stupid back then,” you’re probably still stupid!

So what else is new?  Well, it took 3 or 4 months, but my newest “Adam Gold Mystery,” titled, CAPONE ISLAND has now become one of the best-selling books in Florida!  (Thanks to my loyal Floridian fan club and some great advertising by Barnes & Noble.  If sales keep up, we just might grab the number one spot, which would be nothing short of celebratory!  (Where did I put that bottle of expensive tequila?)

Well, I must leave you now, as I am packing for another adventure.  Tomorrow morning, I shall be joining my two daughters (Rachel & Rebecca) for a swimming adventure down at Barton Springs Pool, which is fed by an underground spring and produces a cool pool filled with very chilly water.  (A constant water temperature of 68 degrees!)  We have had one full week of 100 degree days down here in Austin, so now is the time to take the plunge!)  (Where did I put that bottle of expensive tequila… and my diving wet-suit?)

Adios, dear friends, until we meet again… whence you will be treated to an engaging tale of my recent trip to South Dakota and Wyoming!  Until our paths cross once more, please remember to treat everyone with politeness and kindness, not because they are nice, but because you are!

Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

***** PHOTOGRAPHS ATTACHED, FREE OF CHARGE! *****