LET’S TALK TURKEY!

GOBBLE GOBBLE.  (Which is “turkish” for Happy Thanksgiving!)  By the way, wasn’t George Gobble a great comedian?  Some folks think we should combine Election Day and Thanksgiving, since they both include a lot of turkeys.  (And let’s face it, our politicians do gobble up our taxes!)  While some politicians are “for the birds,” the birds are for all of us, and a reminder that we have a lot to be thankful for.  Even though I make jokes about the political scene, I would be the first to admit that we are blessed to live in a free country where our votes determine who serves, and for how long.  When you start traveling around the world, you quickly realize just how special America really is, and how lucky we are to live in such a glorious place.

This year, my wife is making our family an “international feast.”  (Since you asked, that would be Turkey, sitting in Greece, and after you take a bite, you are Russian to the bathroom!)  My bride is a graduate of the Lucretia Borgia Culinary Institute, so every meal is a treat.  We have our main course in the dining room, but she insists on serving dessert in the bathroom.  (What can I say, she loves pie a la commode.)

Speaking of hazardous places, I noticed that the Oak Ridge Nuclear Facility was in the news this week.  (security concerns)  If you recall, I wrote about the facility in my first mystery novel, THE GRACELAND GANG.  Since I am now an expert on all things nuclear, let me give you some advice:  never trust an atom.  (They make up everything.)  Did you know that the atom bomb was dropped from a plane called the Ebola Gay?  (Talk about over-kill!)

So what else is new?  I recently learned that Cynthia Brian, the lovely and talented host of “Be The Star You Are,” has a not-so-secret connection to CCRR!  (No, not Creedence Clearwater Revival.)  Believe it or not, the letters stand for:  California Champion Rooster Raiser!  Now I know why she thinks Henny Youngman is so funny!  And yes, Rooster Cogburn is her favorite lawman!  Cynthia is so smart that she actually knows why the chicken crossed the road!  I must remember to ask her which came first, the chicken or the egg.

Jack Drucker, the host of The Book Club Radio Program, is producing a special Christmas broadcast.  He will actually be interviewing an up-and-coming author named Charlie Dickens.  (Charlie wrote a book about one of his girlfriends in London.  I think it’s called “A Christmas Carol.”)  Anyway, in honor of the holiday season, he will also be re-broadcasting both of my legendary radio interviews!  I will publish the details as soon as I have them.  (The interviews were among the most listened to of the year, and we discussed DEVIL’S COVE and then THE SECOND MOURNING.)

For those of you that might have seen the modest article about me in the Chicago Tribune, I would like to say that the rumors are true!  I am halfway through the fifth “Adam Gold Mystery,” which will be titled:  “A RUN FOR THE MONEY.”  The story takes place in the South, primarily in Richmond, Charleston, and Lexington, Kentucky.  This time, Adam Gold will confront grave robbers and horse thieves in pursuit of strife, liberty, and the happiness thing.  I am thoroughly enjoying the book, which should be finished some time this spring.

Well, in closing, let me wish all of my family and friends a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I do hope you are able to be with the ones you love, and that you have a splendid, and truly American holiday.  Please remember not to serve those nasty cranberry globs, mincemeat pies, or those damn celery sticks.  (Trust me, nobody likes that stuff!)  See you next Sunday!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

P.S.  There just might be a photograph attached to this blog!

 

 

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THE ARCTIC GORETEX!

Those are the clothes I’m wearing, not the name of the weather front that blew in this week.  By the way, why do they call it a “front” when you freeze your “rear” off?  Hmm.  In any case, it’s cold down here in Austin, Texas!  How cold?  I just saw a chicken crossing the street with her capon. (Cape on?)  Look, there aren’t many ‘cold chicken jokes.’  (That one was really “fowl!”)  What can I say, I’m a hen-pecked guy.

Lest we forget, last Tuesday was Veterans Day.  Accordingly, I’d like to acknowledge my favorite vet, my father, Arthur Yanoff, who on October 11, 1945, flew across the Atlantic Ocean in a B-24 bomber destined for North Africa.  I would also like to acknowledge my Uncle Jim, who served in the Air Force, My Uncle Paul, who served in the Army, my Uncle Aubrey, a Marine sergeant, who fought in Korea, and my cousin Max (Talbott) a sergeant in the U.S. Army.  Thank you all for your service to our nation!

So what else is new?  Well, on Wednesday, November 12, I was featured on the highly acclaimed radio program “Be The Star You Are.”  The show was hosted by the incredibly talented Cynthia Brian, who is known as “The Oprah of the Airwaves.”  As I’ve mentioned previously, her popular program is broadcast on VoiceAmerica, which has a listening audience of 4.5 million people in 219 countries.  (I understand that only 4.2 million people listened to my brilliant oration, which was a little disappointing.  Well, that’s show biz.)

Speaking of remarkable women, I recently had the pleasure of participating in my first internet interview with the lovely and talented blogger Gina McKnight.  Gina produces a very popular blog called “Riding & Writing.”  (She loves horses and books.)  She asked some great questions, and if you would like to read my answers, simply go to:    Ginamc. blogspot.com   If you look on the right side of your computer screen, you will find the archive list and my name.  Check it out if you get a chance.  (My interview was on Sunday, October 26, 2014)

Since we’re on the subject of books (for a change) I’d like to remind you that my first mystery novel, THE GRACELAND GANG, is now available on the OFFICIAL Elvis Presley webpage.  All you need to do is find yourself a working computer and go to:  Graceland at Shop.com  (The holidays are coming up quickly, so don’t delay!)  If we sell a lot of books, I’m going to ask Elvis to sign some future copies, which should fetch a pretty penny.

Incidentally, in case you’re wondering, the fourth “Adam Gold Mystery” is in the final stages of front cover production.  The book is titled, RANSOM ON THE RHONE, and as the name suggests, the story takes place primarily in France.  The target date of release is early January, 2015, so please don’t leave the country before you purchase a copy.  (You will not be allowed back without your passport and a copy of the book.  Hey, I don’t make the rules…   (I just break them!)

In closing, I would like to remind you that Thanksgiving is just around the corner.  Please remember to purchase your turkey early.  (My wife got her turkey 35 years ago… me!)  Hopefully, you will find some photographs at the end of today’s blog.  These are photos from the gala literary event known as “Evening With The Authors.”  I hope you enjoy them!

Take care and have a wonderful week.  Love to all …..

Doc Yanoff

 

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AMAZING GRACELAND!

I ONCE WAS LOST…  But now my mystery novel, THE GRACELAND GANG, can be found!  Where?  Why, at Graceland, the home of the King, Elvis Presley!  Yes, my dear friends, I am thrilled to report that my first “Adam Gold Mystery” has been reviewed and accepted by the OFFICIAL website for all things Elvis!  You (and 300 million others) can now purchase the book at:   Graceland at Shop.com

As you might guess, this website handles the full line of Elvis products sanctioned by the Elvis Presley Estate, which is very picky about the items they allow to be sold under their own imprimatur.  After reading my brilliant novel (and taking pity on me) they decided to list my book on their website for the next few years!  Naturally, I was giddy, as this will expose my humble novel to a VAST audience in America and around the world.  (I have often thought of exposing more of myself, but the wife wouldn’t let me.)  All I can say is, “long live the King!”  (And a serious thank you to Pricilla Presley and the Presley Estate.)

So what else is new?  Hey, I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of people who are too lazy to work, but then turn around and ask us for money!  But enough about the White House and Congress.  Did you remember to exercise your right to vote?  I was going to vote, but when I heard it was an exercise, I changed my mind.  I always vote for myself anyway.  During the last election, I received 3 votes.  I voted for myself, and my mother voted for me twice.  (She lives in Chicago.)  I’m not great in math, but by my calculation, it’s going to take a while to win a seat.  (Which is why I like to stand.)

Speaking of math, I have come to the conclusion that there are 3 different types of people in the world.  People who are good in math, and those that are not.  I could be wrong, but that’s the way it adds up to me.  Like I said, math is not my strong suit.  Back in high school, I would bring a rabbit to class whenever we had a math test.  (I heard they multiplied quickly)  When I got to college, I brought a Playboy bunny with me.  I didn’t do any better on the test, but frankly, I didn’t give a damn.

Just a final (thank God) reminder that I will be featured on VoiceAmerica radio this coming Wednesday evening.  (6:15 p.m. Central Time)  I will be interviewed by Cynthia Brian, who is known in the radio world as “The Oprah of the Airwaves.”  If you get a chance, give a listen.  Hopefully, Ms. Brian will offer me a car at the end of the program.

Tomorrow (Monday) I have the honor of attending a military funeral for the late Richard Bomblatus, who served his country with distinction.  Mr. Bomblatus will be buried at the Central Texas Veteran’s Cemetery, near Fort Hood.  Like all our wonderful vets, he deserves a huge thank you for his service.

Last Sunday, I had the pleasure of attending a little surprise party for Miss Joyce, the lovely mother of Jaime Rubenstein, and the mother-in-law of Gary Rubenstein.  I’m glad I brought an expensive gift, because Gary managed to convince the Captain and crew of the Queen Elizabeth Cruise Ship to feature my non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING!  Don’t ask me how he did it, but the book was literally in every nook and cranny of the ship!  (I know, there are a lot of books on the Nook.  Ha-ha.)  I am seriously considering firing my present publicist (Blind Bernie Kivowitz) and hiring Gary.  (The guy is a marketing genius!)

Well, it’s time for me to consume some “health food waffles” that you-know-who is insisting I try.  This recipe has two cups of bran and some other nasty looking fiber!  One portion of these waffles, and you’ll be forced to “run” for office!  By the way, remind me to tell you how the Chinese pronounce Election Day.

Happy trials, I mean, trails!  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN IN 2014!

So, did  you enjoy the day associated with scary and spooky creatures who roam the underworld in a relentless pursuit of evil and mayhem?  Oh wait, Tuesday is Election Day.  Never mind.  Let’s start with Halloween…  Did you know that this “holiday” began in Ireland?  (roughly 2,000 years ago!)  Irish immigrants brought the festivities to America, which now spends nearly 9 BILLION dollars a year on candy, costumes, and pediatric dentistry!  Halloween, believe it or not, produces the second most spending of the year.  (Christmas is first)  Would you like to guess what the number one candy might be?  I’ll give you a hint:  “Don’t SNICKER at the answer.”   By the way, after my clue, if you said Twix, you need to run for political office!

Strangely enough, we (in America) are also “celebrating” the end of Daylight Saving Time.  I’m not sure, but I think we’re supposed to mess with our clocks.  If I remember correctly, it’s “Spring Back and Fall Forward,” or maybe “Spring Forward and Fall Back.” Just do one or the other and sooner or later you’ll have the correct time.  Be patient.

By the way, did you know that there are two states that DO NOT observe Daylight Saving Time.  (No, one of them is not Arkansas!)  They are Arizona and Hawaii.  Oddly enough, the Navajo Tribe in Arizona does observe the time change, but the Hopi Tribe does not!  (I “Hopi” this is correct, but you “Navajo.”)  Don’t ask me why.  I thought both tribes might have certain “reservations.”  (Ouch!)

So what else is new?  Well, don’t forget that on Wednesday, November 11, I will be featured on World Talk Radio.  (VoiceAmerica)  My interview is scheduled for 6:15 p.m. Central Time.  The host and I will be discussing my brilliant new book, THE SECOND MOURNING.  The program, as I have previously mentioned, reaches an estimated audience of 4.5 million listeners in 219 countries.  Still, we have plenty of room, so try to join the fun!

Speaking of fun, the Texas Book Festival was a huge success for everyone involved.  As you might know, we sold a ton of books (mystery novels and the non-fiction book) and met some wonderful authors and book lovers.  There were two best-selling mystery authors in our pavilion tent, me and a gentleman named Patrick Kelly, the author of HILL COUNTRY GREED.  If you get a chance, check out Patrick’s books.  I think you will really enjoy them.  (I will attach some photographs of the Festival at the end of this blog.)

Also in the realm of fun (sort of) our darling “niece” Laura just delivered a gorgeous baby girl in the great state of Oklahoma!  When I say “delivered,” I am not referring to FedEx or UPS, I mean delivered as in gave birth!  Congratulations to mom and dad (Laura and Steve) and also to our dear friends Barbara and Max.  (Now known as Grandma and Grandpa Talbott!)  Please encourage your precious baby (Miss Auden) to immediately become a blog follower.  She will undoubtedly love my blog, since it is quite infantile.  (Make that “young at heart.”)

Finally, I would like to give a little shout out to Jaime and Gary Rubenstein, who will be hosting today’s gala surprise party for Miss Joyce, Jaime’s lovely and talented mother. The hosts just returned from a round-the-world cruise (well, half the world at least) and should have some wonderful stories to share.  Hopefully, they wore the modest T-shirts (emblazoned with my photograph) that I gave them before they left.  I think they may have worn the shirts, because ISIS is on the run.  (Hey, if you saw my face, you might run away, too!)

Well, my dear friends, I hope you enjoy your upcoming week.  Please remember to vote on Tuesday, and if you don’t want to waste your vote, please cast a write-in ballot with my name.  (Just a reminder, there are two “Fs” in Yanoff.)  If you forget that, just think of my math and English grades!  Take care, and love to all …

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TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING…

IS A VERY GOOD THING, INDEED!  However, it can occasionally lead to what is called an “embarrassment of riches.”  I am referring to my Saturday appearance at the Texas Book Festival, and the fact that we sold our ENTIRE inventory of books (5 cases!) by five o’clock that evening.  Yikes!  Of course I’m not really embarrassed about that, nor have I become filthy rich, but I am truly astonished by the sheer number of book lovers who participated in this event.  (The estimated crowd?  20,000 people!)  Saturday’s weather was sunny and warm, which was also perfect.)

As I mentioned, we sold a ton of books, met lots of wonderful people, and were visited throughout the day by family and friends.  (and the random pet!)  What more could a “starving artist” ask for?  How about some crab crakes?  Well, believe it or not, we got those, too!  And a lovely bottle of wine!  (Courtesy of my publisher, Murder Ink Press.)  By the time I finished autographing books (and drinking wine) I was almost comatose.  Yeah, I know, it’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it!

Just for the record, THE SECOND MOURNING was our best-selling book, followed by DEVIL’S COVE, THE PIRATE PATH, and THE GRACELAND GANG.  Interestingly, that was the exact order (in reverse) in which the books were written.  Hmmm.  I wonder what that means?

Well, now it’s onward and upward, as I prepare for my radio interview on VOICE AMERICA.  Just a friendly reminder:  I will be featured on “Star Style,” on Wednesday, November 12, 2014.  From 4-5 p.m.  (Pacific Time)  If you miss the “live” interview you can still listen to the program by going to the station’s archive page:                                                                 http://www.VoiceAmerica.com/show/2206/be-the-star-you-are

So what else is new?  Tuesday is Election Day.  (whoopee)   There are troubling signs for both parties…..  On the Democratic side, the Secret Service recently arrested a White House intruder who was jumping over the fence to get OUT of the White House!  At a polling station, another man shouted at the President to “stay away from my girlfriend!”  (Rumor has it that the girlfriend was a Democrat running for re-election!)  The Republicans are in trouble, too.  The party recently suggested that the state of Florida be split into two states!  (They would be known as “Geezerville” and “Methylvania.”)  Breaking bad!

I don’t know about you, but I am sick and tired of hearing about Ebola.  (Oops, poor choice of words!)  I’ll bet that joke almost “flu” over your head!  Anyway, there’s no reason to panic.  Which reminds me, did you hear that New York and New Jersey have banned Peggy Lee’s song “FEVER?”  Jeez, what’s next?  “Touch Me In The Morning?”  Enough is enough!

My own wife has gone crazy, worrying about too much physical contact.  In an effort to distract me, she has recently filled our water bed with bass!  (So much for “luring” me to bed!)  I told her to straighten up or I’d find a female fishing partner.  (I think they’re called “hookers,” but don’t quote me on that.)  Anyway, I hear they fall for any line.  (If I called one of those naughty girls I’d end up in a “cast!”)

Well, enough bad fishing puns and enough medical jargon.  Time to go outside and do some real jargon.  Where are my running shoes?  They ran away?!  (Thank God)  Have a safe and happy week and we will meet again next Sunday.  Love to all,

Doc Yanoff

 

 

SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY A BIG SCHTICK!

I’m not sure who said that, but I think it was either Theodore Roosevelt or Shecky Greene…  In any case, I concur with the sentiment, which is why I am pleased to announce that yours truly will soon be featured on…  (are you sitting down?) …  THE LARGEST RADIO NETWORK IN THE WORLD!  That’s right, my dear blog followers, thanks to your continued encouragement and support I have now become a “highly sought after personality.”  (Which is similar to being on America’s Most Wanted, but different.)

Where was I?  Oh yes, the radio program.  I have recently formalized a written agreement to be the featured author on “Star Style,” an award-winning radio program now in its 17th season.  The program is hosted by Cynthia Brian, (a hugely popular radio personality) and is broadcast by Voice America/World Talk Radio.  Here’s the coolest part…..  the program is broadcast to 219 countries and has a current listening audience of 4.5 MILLION listeners!

Yikes, I’d better be coherent and glib!  Guess why?  The show is done LIVE!  No rehearsals, no tape, no second chances!  (Not much pressure there!)  Hopefully, there will only be 3.5 MILLION people listening.  (I prefer smaller audiences.)  Now for the details….  (I’ll wait while you grab a pen and paper)  OK, here goes…..   The LIVE 20-minute interview will be broadcast on Wednesday, November 12, 2014.  The show comes on at 4-5 p.m. Pacific Time, which means that my Texas friends will hear it 3 hours later.  (My interview slot has been assigned a specific time, which is 7:15 to 7:40 p.m. EASTERN TIME.)

MORE GOOD NEWS…  If you do not own a radio, or have dinner plans on November 12th, you can access the entire interview on the radio station’s archive site.  (Which means that you can listen to it over and over, like I’m going to do.)  All you have to do is get your hands on a computer and go to:   http://www.VoiceAmerica.com/show/2206/be-the-star-you-are

So what else is new?  As a public service I would like to remind you of the symptoms of Ebola. The virus will cause headaches, feelings of nausea, and is difficult to get rid of.  (Much like a politician.)  I’m starting to think that Kim Jong Un, the North Korean dictator, might have contracted the disease.  The poor guy has vanished!  He didn’t even go to George Clooney’s wedding.  The North Koreans sent his daughter, Kim Kardashi Un.

The head of the Secret Service was recently fired.  (She had to jump over the White House fence to turn in her office keys!)  The whacko that broke into the White House was inside a lot longer than we were told.  He was there long enough to be appointed Acting Secretary of Agriculture!  Then the President gets on an elevator with a civilian who was carrying a loaded weapon.  Thank God Ray Rice wasn’t on the elevator!

Chelsea Clinton’s new daughter just uttered her first word!  She reportedly said, “I-O-W-A.”

The government of Turkey has finally announced that it will join America’s fight against ISIS.  Unfortunately, they didn’t indicate whose side they will be on.  But do not fear!  Those cold-blooded bastards in ISIS will soon surrender to us.  They were recently told that Sylvester Stallone is contemplating another “Rocky” movie.  (Their leader supposedly said, “How much can we take!”)

Today I find myself in sunny Florida, basking on the beach in Boca Raton.  We have had 5 days of perfect weather, and the food has been outstanding.  We are eating lots of bagels and have seen some “bay-gulls” flying around.  I have also seen many bikini-clad women, and surprisingly, most of them DO NOT want their photographs taken… even from behind.  What’s the story with that?  I told one lady that I will take just one shot, and then we’ll see what “develops.”  (She threatened to take one shot at me!)

Well, I must leave you now…  we are off to see my sister, Jan, down in Fort Lauderdale.  Which reminds me, today’s blog is dedicated to a very special man who recently passed away.  My smart and talented brother-in-law (Larry Baum) recently lost his favorite uncle, who was one of the sweetest and kindest men I ever met.  So this one’s for you, Heshy!

And as for the rest of you…  please have a safe and joyous week!  Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, and we shall meet again soon.  Love to all…

Doc Yanoff

 

P.S.  I forgot to mention that my upcoming radio interview will be covering THE SECOND MOURNING, my non-fiction book.  The host just finished reading the book and loved it, so that will be our main emphasis.

 

TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR!

YOU PROBABLY WONDER WHERE I ARE…  I MEAN, WHERE I WAS!  Well, rather than keep you guessing, I’ll just tell you that I spent Saturday evening in the charming town of Lockhart, Texas.  (“The Barbecue Capital of The World!)  Last night, I was one of the featured authors at the gala event known as Evening With The Authors, and even though I might be considered a “little star,” I still had a twinkle in my eye!  Ah, what a marvelous time was had by all…  The event was held at Judge Rebecca Hawener’s enchanting garden estate, a lovely setting festooned with an incredible array of flora and fauna.  (Flora was the woman sitting beside me.)

The grounds were decorated with lovely plants, flower arrangements, and special lighting.  (I was the only “dim thing” present!)  Each author had their own table, designated by a huge neon sign (just kidding) and was chaperoned through the evening by a series of wonderful volunteer guides.  Our first guide was an interesting and intelligent woman named Linda Brooks, and she was simply a marvelous hostess.  In fact, every volunteer we met was just wonderful, and I can see why Lockhart is such a pleasant place to live.  The town is filled with sweet, pleasant folks.  (Folks who love to read, too!)

I met a couple of wonderful ladies from Barnes & Noble Book Sellers, and they were kind enough to feature all 3 of my mystery novels, plus my new non-fiction book, THE SECOND MOURNING.  I understand that my history book was actually the best seller of the evening, and for that, I am extremely grateful.  (No, I didn’t buy 30 copies!)  The hard-working ladies from Barnes & Noble set up a book tent, handled the sales, and provided the perfect venue for browsing throughout the evening.

Patty and I were amazed by all of the people who love American history, and we got to meet some truly incredible folks who were quite anxious to learn about President Garfield’s assassination.  I must have autographed at least 5,000 books (slight exaggeration here) but I loved every minute, and the best part was meeting so many interesting citizens.  Life is good, especially in a small town.  Even better in a small town with 4 great barbecue joints!

In case you’re wondering, we didn’t dine on barbecue.  The fare consisted of healthy cuisine, including a shrimp-filled paella and lots of green salads.  (See what happens when women run the show?)  If men were in charge, we would have feasted on brisket and ribs, and consumed copious amounts of Lone Star Beer.  With the ladies running things, we were treated to an endless supply of good wine from the Pleasant Hill Winery.  Of course, there were several tables of homemade desserts, but I resisted the temptation!  (My motto is still:  “Boys who eat sweets, take up two seats!”)

I might have mentioned this already, but all net proceeds went to support the Dr. Eugene Clark Library of Lockhart.  If you live in Texas, you should definitely plan a trip to Lockhart, which represents the best characteristics of American life.  You will meet a lot of honest, decent, hard-working folks who will make you feel proud to live in such a great country as ours.  You will also be treated to some mighty good food, so come hungry!

Finally, in celebration of my newest Adam Gold Mystery (RANSOM ON THE RHONE) I am now packing for another book tour/road trip/vacation to sunny Florida!  I am not quite sure of our itinerary, but my publicist, Blind Lemon Lefkowitz, tells me that we have some intriguing stops along the way.  (God knows what that means!)  Our last “intriguing” venture resulted in a stiff fine and a suspended jail sentence!  If any of my blog followers know the name of a reliable bail bondsman, please forward asap.

In closing, I would like to assure you that I will definitely NOT be exercising  during this outing.  In fact, if my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there!

Have a safe and wonderful week!  Love to all…

Doc Yanoff

 

P.S.  I will post some photographs of last night’s event in the near future!